(no subject)
ah. much has been going on lately. stress level is increasing a little bit, but im trying not to let it bother me. let's see what i can come up with tonight.
so school is a little rushed right now. i have a lot of different things due this week, so it feels a little crammed. it'll work out, i suppose. however, this report card is not going to go down so good in my house. =(. started slacking a little lately, skipped a few unimportant homeworks and stuff. senioritis to the fullest!
emt school is almost done. last class is monday night, and it's the national test. ah! im completely nervous. i mean, you get three trys, and then if you don't pass, you take a small core course, then get three more. i'm still nervous. im not too sure i'll pass. i guess i'll just try my hardest. its just so hard to find time to study!
i complain a lot, haha. a lot lot, too. oh well. it's my way of venting, i suppose. what else would a journal be used for? right? anyway.
so i feel like some of my friendships are slipping. well, i know some are. it's scary. a lot of hard work has gone into building up trust for certain people, and to see it come crashing down is pretty devastating. i'd rather not have to deal with this so soon to graduation, you know? life is rolling along pretty easy right now, hopefully it'll stay that way. i'm trying to be as optimistic as possible, people! we'll see, i guess. -everything happens for a reason, i suppose. whether we like it or not.
since i've decided i want to be a better person, i'm starting with my attitude. im going to be happy and optimistic about all situations. there's not enough time spent on earth to be frowning, yes? and i want to be more open with feelings. i think it's stupid that friends dont just stop to say " i appreciate you". so i think i will. i dont care what people think...everyone needs to start showing more affection towards one another. the world is such a cold place. and i dont know why, but i'm in this mood where everything is just dainty and i feel like an old lady, hahah. i just want to be nicer, to make people say "wow, she's sweet." i think i'll have to take some lessons from kirstie, haha.
so. if i mess up one more potentionally excellent relationship, i might just give up on life. i keep letting this amazing opportunities pass me by, and its so freaking painful! this one, though, has got the best of me. i can think properly, my mind is always somewhere else. i honestly have never put so much time into one person in my life. it's quite horrible if you ask me. a person's chest should not feel pain. literally, too. it's just too much.
this weather has been great. the breeze, the warmth, the sun, just everything. this kind of weather always makes me think of the small things; the small blessings we have. you ever feel that way? like i can sit on my deck, or drive in my car, and appreciate the smallest of things in this world. it's heartwarming. and im in a really mushy mood right now, hahah.
moving on. i think my new favorite little saying is that you shouldn't believe something until you see it for yourself. words are so hard for me to believe, especially in a certain category. and i just always feel like i need something to happen, something that will prove something of importance to me. its a terrible feeling, i must say. but its true. i always feel like i can't trust the words that come from the mouth.. i need something concrete. something i can see for myself. actions speak louder than words, you know? yeah.
so today is just filled with mushy, crazy, mixed feelings. it's insane. i'm having the time of my life right now, yet i'm in such a depressed state of mind. it's okay, though. i know when to seperate the two; when to have fun and when to let my mind wander. as long as the two don't cross paths, i should be just fine. =).
and now i really should be typing up some test corrections for psychology. so, i guess this is farewell.
xoxo. leave some feedback, porfavor.