since you left -- she's a mess...

Feb 26, 2006 21:59

she regets all the things that she could've said.

a short update on my life.

beauty and the best was amazing. great job, everyone! i was extremely proud and pleased! <3
emt school is coming along. we have a huge practical tomorrow, and im nervous! ahskfgi.
big group hangout last night was awesome for the most part! i love it! must do it again- soon!!
i have been keeping things to myself lately. that makes me happy.
i finally got to hang out with allyster! sweet! but it wasnt good enough. march 11th! (?) hahha.
im still really excited about beatlemania! <3 it should be tons of fun.
this weekend i get some chill time with myke and billy. that makes me super happy.
someone in the community is trying to make our EMT squad paid.
this means half of our members will have to leave since they arent EMTS.
lisa's in at stockton. im a little nervous about third-wheel crap. and some other stuff. see below.

stockton is a great school. but, the nursing program hasn't been approved just yet, even though its expected to be. im still apprehensive. i dont know. i already know the area, something i was trying to avoid in my college search. and all the places that i would go out with friends -- those'll be the places my other friends will want to go when they come home from college. and that'll get boring. and its kinda close to home. i dont know. i just keep thinking its too late to change my mind and too late to apply..which it kinda is. and nursing? idk..i dont want to give needles. i want a career in which i go to a crime scene, collect the evidence, and put the pieces together. a detective, i suppose that would be? but you'd have to be a police officer to get there..which i dont want to do. fljgjnlksngojsfg life is retarded sometimes.

this week i have to make one of the hardest decisions i've had to make so far in life! my mom finally broke down and told me to not play softball if i didnt want to. and at first i was extremely happy, because i'd finally gotten to her. however, there are so many factors to weight on this decision. pros of playing: its senior year. ive been playing for over 13 years. i have a good chance of being captain. my parents, teammates, and coaches wont hate me. i love the sport. it'd make my parents happy. cons of playing: i need a job. i need money for college. i have to finish out my EMT school and my hospital hours, which wont happen since i have to do it two days a week for five hours. we have practice six days. i dont want to play under the same circumstances as last year; it sucked. i dont feel like dealing with the drama and the shit talking and the competition on our own team. i want to have free time to just do whatever. and i have a lot of concerts/plans on days when i have games. so that wont work out.

i dont know. i need some opinions. what do you think i should do? gosh i wish someone would make all the decisions for me. my parents are pissed as hell at me..they havent talked to me allll night. i dont know. this sucks. i just want everyone to be happy with my decision. AHH. shoot me.

this is going to be a stressful week, i can feel it now. two tests tomorrow, emt meeting to find out the -could-be-good-could-be-bad news, softball decision, college decisions, AH. i cant do all of this.
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