there's so much on my mind right now.
so i have a lot to say. most will be repetitive because i feel so strongly about it. but here it goes.
if you're close enough to me that i tell you personal things, i expect them to stay between us. if i want you to help me fix up something, i will let you know. please do not think you can fix everything by yourself -- i dont want you to. i want to do things on my own. people take what others say, make generalizations, put it into their own words, and tell people. and thats how problems arise. so please, if i give you enough trust to tell you something, have enough respect to keep it between the two of us, alright? kthanks.
yes. dont tell me "you can talk to me" or "whats wrong" or something like that if you dont really want to know. or if you plan on trying to be a messenger. if i tell you something about someone, i expect it to stay within our friendship. you see, if i wanted another person to know, i would tell them. if i thought something was so important, i would let that person know. especially my best friends. i can talk to them whenever i need to, and i don't need anyone's help. most of the time whatever i tell you is not anything big, just something little i want to get off my chest. and if i think it's not important enough to make into a confrontation, dont take matters into your own hands. just let me deal with what i feel i need to deal with.
this is senior year and there's no need for this crap. i havent had drama in forever, nor do i want it back in my life. today i lost respect and trust for a number of people, but that's something i'll deal with personally. if you ask, i wont tell you. and if you're one of them, im not going to be rude to you. i'm just going to be more careful of what i say to who i say it. life is not supposed to revolve around stupid petty shit, so lets not make it.
now i know some of you saw me upset for the two periods i was in school for. and to those of you who tried to talk to me and approached me, i thank you very much. there was just a lot going on with friends and family and it all built up. i hate being upset, especially in school. but the emails and IMs and texts and calls really cheered me up. its amazing that the people you think care about you are the ones that hurt you the most, and the people you dont give enough attention to are the ones who help you when you least expect it. but i wanted you to know that i do appreciate it. however, i just dont wish to talk about it with anyone.
i love my best friends with everything i have. ashley and jackiep, that is. we have the utmost respect for one another, and we can talk things through. we don't need any outside resources coming in and mixing up what we say. SO STAY OUT OF IT! most of the time its not even a big deal .. and you most likely make it one. it takes a lot for me to tell someone something, so if you get my respect - you better hold onto it. i do hold grudges about that kind of stuff. jackiep and ashley and i understand each other very well, and something small is not going to make that big of an effect. so you may think something is a big deal, but its really not. we know how to handle our friendship and we dont need help. so how about you guys just stay out of our triangle? it'd help a lot.
now im not blaming all this on just one person. it goes for every friendship ever made out there. im sure you all know how im feeling right now. and im at fault, as well. because just as much as i hate them -- im a shit talker. but i know when to just shutup and keep things to myself. i will not talk shit on my best friends. you will never hear me seriously call my bestfriends names or make fun or anything like that. talking to one another about problems is not shit talking, for the record. thats just venting. so hop off. =).
thats all i really had to say. my life is wonderful. my weekends are amazing. my friends are the best. so, bite me! ill give a more positive update sometime this week. tomorrow i want to go out and have a good time. kthanks.