The time of my life?
I don't know how many of you had adults telling you college was the best time of their lives and that you were going to love it and such but i had a ton telling me that. Well...so far...i'm a lil disappointed. I know that it seems i only write when i'm depressed but lately...that's been all the time. not like ne one reads this ne more what w/the "myspace" craze. so why am i so unhappy w/college? It's not the freedom...believe me i love that (though i was never really oppressed in the first place) it's not the classes...those i can handle and honestly its refreshing to be challenged after the shitty classes at Lakewood. i love the UCF campus and atmosphere...but the social aspect sucks.
i guess i'm lucky b/c i've met quite a few good friends in high school. Girls who were the best friends i think i'll ever have. It'll be hard to replace them b/c there's someing in all of them that connects so deeply w/me and the thought of not being friends w/them makes me so sad. And i hate that none of them are here. I know they tell you that college is a chance to branch out but i don't want to. i miss them so much. and i know for a fact that at least one of them is as miserable as me. since i've been here i've spent a lot of time alone while i watch others go out and have fun. One person that i thought was my friend even discussed weekend plans w/another person right infront of me w/o inviting me along...completely ignored me...my suite mate invites me to go w/her to stuff but i feel like a tag along and i don't wanna force my company on anyone. even the ppl that i came here w/are ignoring me. they don't invite me to do anything and i don't wanna appear needy or anything nor do i want them to hang out w/me if they really didn't want to...cuz that'd be worse. i know it's a lil late but i'm getting really homesick. I keep waiting for it to get better but it never does. you don't know how many times i've eaten by myself in the cafeteria. i wish that we could take that food "2go" more often than once a week b/c i so would. oh wait! i think i can do it today cuz the new meal week started over! maybe i'll do that. i feel like such a loser...which is new for me cuz normally i have enough friends to at least go do things. i don't even have ne one to go to the movies w/which is what i miss most...i feel so behind in my movies! i actually look forward to going home...last weekend was fun tho but its cuz i was in tampa w/erin and mandy and my lakewood friends. it was the most fun i've had in awhile.
i also thought the guy thing'd be different too...cuz (naievely) i thought college guys would be more mature and more interested in my than HS ones...but that has turned out to be wrong too...i used to think the reason i didn't have a b/f was b/c it was the only thing i would be missing to have a perfect life and everyone has to miss something because a perfect life would be boring and not human...i had great friends, was good in school, and have an awesome family...the 1 thing missing was a boyfriend to complete that circle of love...well i'm hoping that now that i'm lacking the friend thing (at least at UCF, i know there are those of you out there who still love me...wish ppl here could see that) that i'll get a boyfriend now but that's REALLY doubtful. fuck!
i guess i'm lucky b/c i've met quite a few good friends in high school. Girls who were the best friends i think i'll ever have. It'll be hard to replace them b/c there's someing in all of them that connects so deeply w/me and the thought of not being friends w/them makes me so sad. And i hate that none of them are here. I know they tell you that college is a chance to branch out but i don't want to. i miss them so much. and i know for a fact that at least one of them is as miserable as me. since i've been here i've spent a lot of time alone while i watch others go out and have fun. One person that i thought was my friend even discussed weekend plans w/another person right infront of me w/o inviting me along...completely ignored me...my suite mate invites me to go w/her to stuff but i feel like a tag along and i don't wanna force my company on anyone. even the ppl that i came here w/are ignoring me. they don't invite me to do anything and i don't wanna appear needy or anything nor do i want them to hang out w/me if they really didn't want to...cuz that'd be worse. i know it's a lil late but i'm getting really homesick. I keep waiting for it to get better but it never does. you don't know how many times i've eaten by myself in the cafeteria. i wish that we could take that food "2go" more often than once a week b/c i so would. oh wait! i think i can do it today cuz the new meal week started over! maybe i'll do that. i feel like such a loser...which is new for me cuz normally i have enough friends to at least go do things. i don't even have ne one to go to the movies w/which is what i miss most...i feel so behind in my movies! i actually look forward to going home...last weekend was fun tho but its cuz i was in tampa w/erin and mandy and my lakewood friends. it was the most fun i've had in awhile.
i also thought the guy thing'd be different too...cuz (naievely) i thought college guys would be more mature and more interested in my than HS ones...but that has turned out to be wrong too...i used to think the reason i didn't have a b/f was b/c it was the only thing i would be missing to have a perfect life and everyone has to miss something because a perfect life would be boring and not human...i had great friends, was good in school, and have an awesome family...the 1 thing missing was a boyfriend to complete that circle of love...well i'm hoping that now that i'm lacking the friend thing (at least at UCF, i know there are those of you out there who still love me...wish ppl here could see that) that i'll get a boyfriend now but that's REALLY doubtful. fuck!