I can't eat or sleep.
The last time I got a semi-full night of sleep was last wednesday and thursday nights. Kinda. And no sleep a week before that. I have really fucking bad anxiety and I can't get food anywhere near my face with out gagging. I want to puke all of the time because my stomach is in such bad knots.
I'm not with the man I love and its killing me. Everywhere.
He's everywhere. He lived here, so I can't get away anywhere at home. Everytime I step in to that bathroom, I bawl. He's everywhere. Physically and mentally. EVERYWHERE.
Mr. Bob Marley was soooooooooo wrong when he said, "When the music hit, you feel no pain." What lies. I think I hurt the worst when the music hits.
I know that if I avoid my thoughts and my memories and the whole situation, it would hurt a whole hell of a lot less painful. But, I don't want to do that. I want to remember everything. Every detail. Each kiss. He has been the best thing to happen to me and I won't let myself forget it. But every time I think, I hurt. I don't want to hurt. I just wanna be with him. He wants to be with me, too. He won't though. He refuses to even be my friend. He can't be around me with out wanting to be with me, which I understand......but he's my best friend and it's rough.
I'm in love and can't have it. Uggghhhh!
Oh geez, what to do?
~feli~