Uncertainty….
I fear that as these days draw to a close, I am causing my own self-doubt. The various contemplations that fill my mind from the moment I wake to the moment I finally rest seem to drive my every action, leading me farther from what I truly wanted to begin with.
Last night, I fear I hurt someone close to me; and I spent the rest of the day trying to understand how such a small thing could justify such feelings of disapproval and anger. In the end, I was left feeling as I had at the beginning. Before I met the people who saved me, the people that I wish I could be with right now. You see, my life for what it’s worth, has revolved for some time now around these people. Every action I have taken has had these people in mind one way or another. And as I have proven again now as I have countless times before, judgment in my hands is hardly a good thing.
I have secretly been planning to one day move to one of the larger cities up north. I feel that this would be much easier for me now than it ever would have been because most of the bonds that I have formed here with the populous have either weekend over the slow decay of time, or have been severed all together. This has troubled me, I guess somewhere in the deep confines of my mind, I secretly wished that we would always be together. That everything that we had been though (though at times not truly worthy of remembrance) somehow was so meaningful that no force of life could pull it apart. I cant believe that I was so irrational in those days because I forgot that you all had lives of your own. You all had your own dreams and plans and most of them wont include me.
It’s probably just me trying to hold onto the memories that I hold. Trying to raise a veil and conceal myself from the thought of change, something that I will now have to come to terms with myself.
So now I stand here now, I know that not everything you do you will do in concern of me. But in return know that I will always be here, I will always be ready to help should one of you ever seek my council, and know that I will always be willing to forgive if one of you ever hurt me. I just hope that you will likewise be there…