How to make self-harm less awkward for strangers
Last night I may have made four gashes into my right arm. That is a thing that may have happened.
Now for that awkward little period of time where I feel better, but I look worse.
I try to avoid cutting my arm, because it's a lot more visible. Better to hide it, shamefully, pretend that my psychological weakness isn't real.
I like to pretend I'm more competent, more adult than I am. Sometimes I fail. It happens.
The gashes on my arm are a fact. There's nothing I can do about them now. They'll fade over the next few weeks and months and by the time I finish my course and start going to job interviews they won't be visible.
Even so, the chances of being read as psychologically unstable have just increased. Am I? Should I see a doctor? Should I get some anti-depressants in my system?
Because I've registered with a GP and signed myself up for specialist counselling. But there's never any time to make a doctor's appointment and the counselling waiting list means that my first session won't be till January.
Which is fine. I'm not, like, ill. Just a little wobbly. A little teary. A little sad.
And I don't know how to defend myself. I cut. It happened. Yes, you can see it. I'm aware of that. Er, no I don't have a comeback. It made me feel better.
Looking like a teenager. Nevermind.
Better buy a couple more jumpers.
Now for that awkward little period of time where I feel better, but I look worse.
I try to avoid cutting my arm, because it's a lot more visible. Better to hide it, shamefully, pretend that my psychological weakness isn't real.
I like to pretend I'm more competent, more adult than I am. Sometimes I fail. It happens.
The gashes on my arm are a fact. There's nothing I can do about them now. They'll fade over the next few weeks and months and by the time I finish my course and start going to job interviews they won't be visible.
Even so, the chances of being read as psychologically unstable have just increased. Am I? Should I see a doctor? Should I get some anti-depressants in my system?
Because I've registered with a GP and signed myself up for specialist counselling. But there's never any time to make a doctor's appointment and the counselling waiting list means that my first session won't be till January.
Which is fine. I'm not, like, ill. Just a little wobbly. A little teary. A little sad.
And I don't know how to defend myself. I cut. It happened. Yes, you can see it. I'm aware of that. Er, no I don't have a comeback. It made me feel better.
Looking like a teenager. Nevermind.
Better buy a couple more jumpers.