(no subject)
Raawwwrrr life is deeply confusing at the moment. I pretty much convinced myself that I wanted to move on from my current school at the end of the year because I want to work in KS1 and I'm currently in KS2, but then I got all confused because my co workers are so lovely. Also because I'm a little bit afraid of telling my head that I'm looking at other jobs because if I don't get one I'd have to stay there and that could potentially be super awkward. I'm only on a one year contract anyway, so if I let on I was looking at other jobs who knows if I'd be offered the permanent contract anyway :/ And then I'd have NO JOB. And surely A Job is better than NO JOB?
But also I'm sick of living in a tiny flat in the city and we're moving in August no matter what (well, if I have a job) and I don't really want to move to another place in the city for just one year. I want to move out to north of the New Forest, around Salisbury probably, but that would be too far to commute to my current school every day.
Basically I KNOW what's best for my personal life and that's to move to a house where Antony and I can actually have a bedroom after 4 years (and maybe even a cat omg), but I can't work out what's best for me job wise and I'm terrified that I won't be able to make the two match up. Also I'm just generally being a massive coward at the idea of changing schools. Starting at my current school was so hard it almost broke me, and I'm afraid that I'll end up in another school exactly the same, and better the evil you know right? Argh. I miss back when I could make huge life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat and happily live with them. I need some sort of personal advisor to look past all of the bullshit I've told myself and just figure out what I really actually WANT.
Oh, that was a bit of a ramble. Whoops.
Other things... we bought the most fabulous glam guitar on ebay and it arrived yesterday and oh my goodness, I can finally pretend to be the Robert-Smith-if-he-was-covered-in-glitter musician that I've always secretly wanted to be.
IT'S A JAGMASTER YOU GUYS. BUT IN SILVER GLITTER. WITH A KILL SWITCH. It is basically the glam-est thing I have ever owned and now I just want to put on excellent shoes and pretend that I am a musician in the late 70s (even though the jagmaster wasn't invented til the 90s, the Jazzmaster and the Jaguar were both around so shush.)
But also I'm sick of living in a tiny flat in the city and we're moving in August no matter what (well, if I have a job) and I don't really want to move to another place in the city for just one year. I want to move out to north of the New Forest, around Salisbury probably, but that would be too far to commute to my current school every day.
Basically I KNOW what's best for my personal life and that's to move to a house where Antony and I can actually have a bedroom after 4 years (and maybe even a cat omg), but I can't work out what's best for me job wise and I'm terrified that I won't be able to make the two match up. Also I'm just generally being a massive coward at the idea of changing schools. Starting at my current school was so hard it almost broke me, and I'm afraid that I'll end up in another school exactly the same, and better the evil you know right? Argh. I miss back when I could make huge life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat and happily live with them. I need some sort of personal advisor to look past all of the bullshit I've told myself and just figure out what I really actually WANT.
Oh, that was a bit of a ramble. Whoops.
Other things... we bought the most fabulous glam guitar on ebay and it arrived yesterday and oh my goodness, I can finally pretend to be the Robert-Smith-if-he-was-covered-in-glitter musician that I've always secretly wanted to be.
IT'S A JAGMASTER YOU GUYS. BUT IN SILVER GLITTER. WITH A KILL SWITCH. It is basically the glam-est thing I have ever owned and now I just want to put on excellent shoes and pretend that I am a musician in the late 70s (even though the jagmaster wasn't invented til the 90s, the Jazzmaster and the Jaguar were both around so shush.)