Christmas notes
"Is there anything more worthless than excuses?"
- Emperor Kellanved in Dust of Dreams by Steven Erickson
This Christmas is special. I saw my families 4x in one week. Big Uncle and Big Auntie actually bought presents for every one of us. They put them under the Christmas tree they bought - David suggested to buy one and not expecting his parents to really buy one. David cooked a Western feast. Bro said this was his first time eating a real turkey. If he said so, then this probably was my first time as well.
The only thing that feels less complete is my constant awareness of how everything is temporary.. is transitory. And that's everything. Dinner finishes in 30 minutes, despite how wonderful the conversation is, how tasty the meal is, how lovely the music is. An outgoing goes by once the sun sets. A conversation on the phone ends when it's time to hang up. What's worse is that the present can erupt into a horrible future. A friend whom you trust can turn around and say you lie to her. Even good relationship can have black stains if to care too much leads to frustration and anger.
Sure, I myself feel solid because my consciousness lives in nowhere but inside my body. I myself seem the most solid existence in this life of mine, but even that so-called solid existence feels like an illusion. You say one is born to live. They say one is born to die.
On second thought, if I can lament the transitory nature of life, that must mean life is solid enough for me an existence to warrant such an emotion.
On the other hand, I read my cousin's notes that tell himself to keep practising and practising. At first I thought it was a recipe book, but turns out he puts more things in it than just the recipes he loves. Sometimes, it's easy to brush off another's success when that success stares at you rock solid. But the stories behind that rock solid reality sits continuously on shifting sand. A lot of constant effort helps to shore up the foundation of that success. Reading my cousin's notes brings in a breath of melancholy inside me. And when I decided to read this book, I flipped through Dust of Dreams and chanced upon that timely quote. (uhhhh... Erickson's books are a treasure chest full of lessons of life)
Writing notes to remind yourself to keep trying does nothing.
What works is if you apply your will to it and actually follow what the notes say.
- Emperor Kellanved in Dust of Dreams by Steven Erickson
This Christmas is special. I saw my families 4x in one week. Big Uncle and Big Auntie actually bought presents for every one of us. They put them under the Christmas tree they bought - David suggested to buy one and not expecting his parents to really buy one. David cooked a Western feast. Bro said this was his first time eating a real turkey. If he said so, then this probably was my first time as well.
The only thing that feels less complete is my constant awareness of how everything is temporary.. is transitory. And that's everything. Dinner finishes in 30 minutes, despite how wonderful the conversation is, how tasty the meal is, how lovely the music is. An outgoing goes by once the sun sets. A conversation on the phone ends when it's time to hang up. What's worse is that the present can erupt into a horrible future. A friend whom you trust can turn around and say you lie to her. Even good relationship can have black stains if to care too much leads to frustration and anger.
Sure, I myself feel solid because my consciousness lives in nowhere but inside my body. I myself seem the most solid existence in this life of mine, but even that so-called solid existence feels like an illusion. You say one is born to live. They say one is born to die.
On second thought, if I can lament the transitory nature of life, that must mean life is solid enough for me an existence to warrant such an emotion.
On the other hand, I read my cousin's notes that tell himself to keep practising and practising. At first I thought it was a recipe book, but turns out he puts more things in it than just the recipes he loves. Sometimes, it's easy to brush off another's success when that success stares at you rock solid. But the stories behind that rock solid reality sits continuously on shifting sand. A lot of constant effort helps to shore up the foundation of that success. Reading my cousin's notes brings in a breath of melancholy inside me. And when I decided to read this book, I flipped through Dust of Dreams and chanced upon that timely quote. (uhhhh... Erickson's books are a treasure chest full of lessons of life)
Writing notes to remind yourself to keep trying does nothing.
What works is if you apply your will to it and actually follow what the notes say.