when im down
sometimes i have thoughts that i wish could get automatically put in my journal because by the time i get to update, theyre lost in the places where are used thoughts go.
when i walked into my garage today after school, i slung my "knapsack" around to get my keys out and it made a really funny noise as it passed over my pants and i just stood there and cracked up for like five minutes. it really made me feel happier. about right now. i dont know. but i needed that.
i really like when its just me and rebecca in her car on the way home or on the way to school on the rare occasion that i ride to school with her. we laugh about things we used to laugh about. its like it always was with us. before high school came. before serious things scooted all around in our heads and confused everyone about themselves. whatever. "that kids in my class, we think hes a fag... (fun face)... he hasnt come out yet, so SHH!"
this weekend was so good. i really like spending time with sha. we had hella fun on saturday night. haha "maybe its cus its been fermenting...?" hahahhaha. oh dear. we accidentally gave her cat a concussion probably. we thought it would be a good idea to take it in the car with us. thats NOTHING like taking a dog in the car by the way, for future reference. it will only result in serious injury to all parties.
last night was horrible. i still see it. hard core. it scares me so bad. people tell me just to not think about it. they dont understand that that is not a possibility. because theyve never had it happen to them, they do not know how it feels or what it looks like in yourself. oh well whatever. i wish people would stop telling me to change things about myself that i cannot control. so kelsey slept with me last night to make me okay again. we decided we'll just call it black. so when i see it i can just say i see black and we wont have to talk about it.
last night i went to mckendree youth. some people were there from gcsu. it was really cool and me and my partner ALMOST won at a game we played. we got second. i think i like it there. i havent decided all the way yet. it helps that mandy is there too.
fuck. what was i about to say?
i want a job. i want dollars mainly.
i love you. why isnt that enough?
when i walked into my garage today after school, i slung my "knapsack" around to get my keys out and it made a really funny noise as it passed over my pants and i just stood there and cracked up for like five minutes. it really made me feel happier. about right now. i dont know. but i needed that.
i really like when its just me and rebecca in her car on the way home or on the way to school on the rare occasion that i ride to school with her. we laugh about things we used to laugh about. its like it always was with us. before high school came. before serious things scooted all around in our heads and confused everyone about themselves. whatever. "that kids in my class, we think hes a fag... (fun face)... he hasnt come out yet, so SHH!"
this weekend was so good. i really like spending time with sha. we had hella fun on saturday night. haha "maybe its cus its been fermenting...?" hahahhaha. oh dear. we accidentally gave her cat a concussion probably. we thought it would be a good idea to take it in the car with us. thats NOTHING like taking a dog in the car by the way, for future reference. it will only result in serious injury to all parties.
last night was horrible. i still see it. hard core. it scares me so bad. people tell me just to not think about it. they dont understand that that is not a possibility. because theyve never had it happen to them, they do not know how it feels or what it looks like in yourself. oh well whatever. i wish people would stop telling me to change things about myself that i cannot control. so kelsey slept with me last night to make me okay again. we decided we'll just call it black. so when i see it i can just say i see black and we wont have to talk about it.
last night i went to mckendree youth. some people were there from gcsu. it was really cool and me and my partner ALMOST won at a game we played. we got second. i think i like it there. i havent decided all the way yet. it helps that mandy is there too.
fuck. what was i about to say?
i want a job. i want dollars mainly.
i love you. why isnt that enough?