I fell right through the cracks [and now I'm tryin' to get back]
[still_unwrittn use with permission from her mun who made a request for Hawkes/Lani.]
He didn’t know how she did this job.
Maybe it was just the fact that you got used to it after a while, the way he’d gotten used to the dead bodies he saw every day, but Hawkes couldn’t imagine that being the case-to take something that brutal, that mind-numbingly painful, and detach, look at it objectively and analyze it without a second thought. It was too close to the chest for him, given everything that he went through with Cara.
It was almost poetic, though-Mac pulling him from the case. The time when he’s in the position to do something, to ease the pain of the person he’d loved once upon a time, to fix things that he couldn’t fix before, he can’t. He understood the reasons why he’s taken off the case, and he hoped that Mac can finally find the guy, bring closure to that painful chapter of his life that neither he nor Cara had ever gotten. And he does. Mac found they guy, and finds the evidence to convict him, but he still can’t get it completely closed. It still burned that he couldn’t help Cara then, when the pain was strongest. But at least, there it was done. He still doesn’t understand how Lani does her job, however.
She’s cooking when he gets back to her place, the smell hitting him as he walked in the door. Everything about her reminded him of the place she missed, the home she loved. True, she was still a tough as nails detective, but when he looked at her he saw sunshine and warmth, and that was what he needed at the moment, more than anything else. He made his way into the kitchen, sliding his arms around her waist when he got close enough, dropping a kiss against the side of her neck.
“Smells good.”
She turned back to face him with a smile, before looking back at the food in front of her again. She rambled on for a moment about what it was she was cooking, before turning to look at him again, studying his face for a moment.
“Are you alright?”
“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “Bad case.”
She reached over, turning down the heat on the stove, before turning to face him again, letting her hand come to rest on his arms lightly. “Anything I can do?”
Hawkes looked at her for a moment, studying her face and then letting his eyes drop to the ground for a moment. “I’m a doctor-I was a surgeon-I could fix almost any medical problem you placed in front of me without batting an eye. But there were things I couldn’t fix-that I was powerless to fix, because they weren’t something I could fix with my hands.”
Lani watched him for a moment, studying his face quietly as she did, and sliding her arms around his neck, moving closer to him. “You did what you could, Sheldon. You helped as you could. Sometimes we can’t fix everything.”
“I know.” He did. He just didn’t like it.
Lani sighed slightly, before cupping his face in her hands, as she leaned in to kiss him softly. He leaned into the kiss, rubbing her back lightly as he did and pulling her closer to him. It was odd that he was turning to sex for comfort, giving the subject matter of the case, but right now he just wanted to be close to her, and feel her close to him. That was one of the things that ended most quickly when it came to things with Cara, the closeness. He wanted proximity, wanted to be reminded that she wasn’t leaving him alone, without someone to cling to for support, now that he’d gotten used to having her there.
The moment itself was slow and gentle, just letting them take their time and enjoy each other. There was so much room they had left to explore, so many things they didn’t know about each other and their pasts, but for right now, all he needed was her there, next to him. They would talk and share later. Right now was just for them, no baggage and no history.
He settled in next to her, sliding an arm across her waist and pulling her closer. “I’m sorry I interrupted your cooking,” he murmured against her shoulder, dropping a kiss there as he pulled her closer.
“Nothing I can’t heat up,” she sighed as she rolled over, moving closer to him and resting her head against his chest. He was quiet for a moment, just laying there and rubbing her back as he did, and after a long silence, she looked up at him, concern on her face. “Are you okay, Sheldon?”
“Yeah,” he said softly, pulling her in closer for another warm kiss. “I will be.”
811 words
He didn’t know how she did this job.
Maybe it was just the fact that you got used to it after a while, the way he’d gotten used to the dead bodies he saw every day, but Hawkes couldn’t imagine that being the case-to take something that brutal, that mind-numbingly painful, and detach, look at it objectively and analyze it without a second thought. It was too close to the chest for him, given everything that he went through with Cara.
It was almost poetic, though-Mac pulling him from the case. The time when he’s in the position to do something, to ease the pain of the person he’d loved once upon a time, to fix things that he couldn’t fix before, he can’t. He understood the reasons why he’s taken off the case, and he hoped that Mac can finally find the guy, bring closure to that painful chapter of his life that neither he nor Cara had ever gotten. And he does. Mac found they guy, and finds the evidence to convict him, but he still can’t get it completely closed. It still burned that he couldn’t help Cara then, when the pain was strongest. But at least, there it was done. He still doesn’t understand how Lani does her job, however.
She’s cooking when he gets back to her place, the smell hitting him as he walked in the door. Everything about her reminded him of the place she missed, the home she loved. True, she was still a tough as nails detective, but when he looked at her he saw sunshine and warmth, and that was what he needed at the moment, more than anything else. He made his way into the kitchen, sliding his arms around her waist when he got close enough, dropping a kiss against the side of her neck.
“Smells good.”
She turned back to face him with a smile, before looking back at the food in front of her again. She rambled on for a moment about what it was she was cooking, before turning to look at him again, studying his face for a moment.
“Are you alright?”
“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “Bad case.”
She reached over, turning down the heat on the stove, before turning to face him again, letting her hand come to rest on his arms lightly. “Anything I can do?”
Hawkes looked at her for a moment, studying her face and then letting his eyes drop to the ground for a moment. “I’m a doctor-I was a surgeon-I could fix almost any medical problem you placed in front of me without batting an eye. But there were things I couldn’t fix-that I was powerless to fix, because they weren’t something I could fix with my hands.”
Lani watched him for a moment, studying his face quietly as she did, and sliding her arms around his neck, moving closer to him. “You did what you could, Sheldon. You helped as you could. Sometimes we can’t fix everything.”
“I know.” He did. He just didn’t like it.
Lani sighed slightly, before cupping his face in her hands, as she leaned in to kiss him softly. He leaned into the kiss, rubbing her back lightly as he did and pulling her closer to him. It was odd that he was turning to sex for comfort, giving the subject matter of the case, but right now he just wanted to be close to her, and feel her close to him. That was one of the things that ended most quickly when it came to things with Cara, the closeness. He wanted proximity, wanted to be reminded that she wasn’t leaving him alone, without someone to cling to for support, now that he’d gotten used to having her there.
The moment itself was slow and gentle, just letting them take their time and enjoy each other. There was so much room they had left to explore, so many things they didn’t know about each other and their pasts, but for right now, all he needed was her there, next to him. They would talk and share later. Right now was just for them, no baggage and no history.
He settled in next to her, sliding an arm across her waist and pulling her closer. “I’m sorry I interrupted your cooking,” he murmured against her shoulder, dropping a kiss there as he pulled her closer.
“Nothing I can’t heat up,” she sighed as she rolled over, moving closer to him and resting her head against his chest. He was quiet for a moment, just laying there and rubbing her back as he did, and after a long silence, she looked up at him, concern on her face. “Are you okay, Sheldon?”
“Yeah,” he said softly, pulling her in closer for another warm kiss. “I will be.”
811 words