(Untitled)

[blessed_by_god]

Sharon had run it over in her head a hundred times during the past few weeks. No matter what she did, she lost something, but she couldn't keep delaying an answer. She didn't want to leave, this had been her home since Karl had disappeared, and the only family she had left was here - but it was becoming more and more difficult to take care of Hera

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[frakkup]

Kara looked up from her papers. The next Addicts meeting was coming up fast, and despite reading everything she could get her hands on, Kara never felt that she knew enough to lead it. It didn't help that step two was something that made Kara want to run to the other side of the island.

I acknowledge that I must turn outside myself for help. Kara hated the sound of that, but there didn't seem to be getting around it no matter what she read. It was a relief to put the books away for a while.

She put them down and checked to see that Calliope was still down for the count before she went to the door.

"Oh hey," she said, finding Sharon on the other side. The other woman looked strange, so Kara pulled the door open wider, beckoning her inside.

[blessed_by_god]

"Hey," Sharon said, quiet, an attempt to smile. "I need to talk to you, is now an okay time?" she asked, eyes casting around the room, but it seemed Calliope was asleep and John was gone.

[frakkup]

"Sure," said Kara, steering Sharon's round body towards the table and pulling out a chair. "I'm sick to death of reading, you could probably punch me right now and it'd be an okay time."

[blessed_by_god]

"I could probably punch you anytime and it'd be an okay thing," Sharon said, a wry look to match her tone. She sat down, grateful to get off her feet. "You like the beatings far too much."

[frakkup]

"What can I say?" Kara asked lightly. "I'm conditioned." She took a seat on the opposite side of the table, getting up again when she noticed the pallor in Sharon's face. "You want something to drink? I've got juice."

[blessed_by_god]

"Oh, no thanks," Sharon said, waving a hand, dismissive. "Just...those fake contractions, y'know? They don't really hurt, they're just..." But Kara knew, and she trailed off, not wanting to delay what she'd come here for.

"Look, so...sit, okay?"

[frakkup]

"Okay," said Kara slowly, forcing down the knee jerk reaction to do the opposite of what she was told.

She sat down, eying Sharon over the expanse of wood. She had the distinct feeling that she wasn't going to like what the other woman had to say, if only because she rarely saw Sharon looking so grim. "What's going on?"

[blessed_by_god]

Sharon let out a breath, and just came out with it. "John asked me to move in with him. To help me, and...it's his daughter." She looked down, trying to continue past the tightness in her chest. "It's hard, being alone in that house, feeling like this and trying to take care of Hera. I don't want to leave New Atlantis..."

But.

She didn't want to be alone. She wanted a family, too. She just couldn't seem to say it.

[frakkup]

With her lips already pressed together, Kara's breath couldn't leave her the way it wanted to, punched out and choked, but that was fine. As much as she enjoyed making a scene, the thought held no appeal at the moment, and she wanted until her heart stopped racing before she let herself even think about it.

It wasn't like she shouldn't have been expecting it. Kara helped out as much as she could, but she wasn't there all hours of the day, and however much Sharon and Hera felt like family now, Kara wasn't that kid's daddy. She should've know this was coming from day one, and it was no one's fault but her own that she hadn't.

"You should let me pack for you," she said, perfectly even. Kara'd wanted a distraction from the Support Group. Well, she frakking had one. "It's too much work, big as you are. I'll carry it, too. What is it, three miles? Four?"

[blessed_by_god]

Sharon's mind went back. Kara helping her carry her things after Karl had disappeared, from the Compound to New Atlantis to live by her. It wasn't like they had always been neighbors, but in a way that's how it felt. Kara had been all she had for a long time, in some ways she still was.

"No," Sharon said quickly, blinking free a few tears, her lips squeezed together in a tight line as though it could prevent more. "I'm not...ready." She hadn't told John yet, or even Hera.

"Frak, this is so stupid," she said, pressing the heel of her hand to an eye. Her breath hitched. "It's three miles. I don't want to leave you."

[frakkup]

"Sharon, don't cry," said Kara, moving away from the table to avoid crying herself. Sharon was the only one left from home that didn't outright hate her most of the time, as much family to her as was Calliope. Giving her up was about as fun as peeling off her own skin, but Kara wasn't selfish enough that she'd try stopping her.

She drummed her fingers against her mouth, willing it to relax. She still had a few things that could pass as boxes somewhere. And there was that wagon of Hera's...

"You gotta do what's best for your kids. Gods know it's hard enough on our own here without another one on the way."

[blessed_by_god]

Sharon just shook her head, chin trembling.

Kara had John Amsterdam, but Sharon and her John weren't like that. Not yet, maybe not ever. "It'll be okay, right? It's far, but it's not like we'll never see each other. I couldn't bear that. You're more of a sister to me than my real ones," she confessed, chancing a look up at her friend.

[frakkup]

Kara's eyes stayed on the table, slipping round and round the smooth curved edge until she was dizzy with it. There were so many options, and not a one of them brought much happiness with it.

Somewhere in the universe, she and Sharon were officers together. Here, they were more. She looked past Sharon and to the wall, seeing the Memorial Hut on the other side of it. The urge to pack up and follow Sharon, to just bully and terrorize John until he gave into it, that was there, but she couldn't leave the Wall. The island had given it to her, it was all that was left of her people.

"I can't," she said softly, blinking as the words broke the silence nonetheless.

"I'll bring Calliope to you during ITF training. She and Hera can play," she said, swiping her fingertips beneath her eyes. "And I'll stay after. Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays."

[blessed_by_god]

"Can't what?" Sharon asked, fingers dug into her leg just above the knees to try and keep from crying. But nothing helped, not promises of visits, not scheduled days.

She just nodded, too already worn down for it to make any real sense anyway. At least she could blame all the crying on pregnancy hormones. Even if she didn't believe it herself. "I wish they were all still here," she said in a tiny voice. "I'm so scared...promise you'll be there?"

[frakkup]

"Of course I'll be there," said Kara. She almost hoped it happened during ITF, so one of her commanding officers could give her shit, and she could give it right back. Gods, Sharon was right. She did like the beatings way too much. But they were sure better than feeling this.

She pulled some juice out, sitting back down at the table abruptly and sliding a glass to Sharon's side. "Drink the godsdamned juice," she said, taking a tiny sip of her own. She swallowed. "It's gonna be all right, Sharon. It's not that far."