Emphatic nodding
I've been trying to articulate my unhappiness with m/m "romance" (actually, any romance, for that matter) in various ways for almost as long as I've been reading the stuff. But I just read a very interesting article containing a sentence that really hit the nail on the head: In the M/M stories...there is a “male” man and a “female” man.
The reason I've never liked the majority of het romance novels I've tried is because they're so rife with imbalances and inequalities. The damsel in distress is swept off her feet by a man who seduces her and then fucks her like she's never been fucked before. The man is the aggressor, pursuing the woman hell bent for leather, a looming presence (literally, figuratively, or both) to be reckoned with.
Even when writers try to switch things up and give us a woman who's feisty and strong, there's usually some serious feet sweeping going on, followed by swooning and multi-orgasmic penetrative sex. There's an aggressor and a more passive (often reluctant) partner. Or we get a kick-ass heroine, but it feels a little too on the nose, like that's the entire focus of the story, which seems kinda pandering.
See, the reason I got into m/m in the first place was because I could read stories without these insulting dynamics. I started out with fanfic, where these icky inequalities tend to be a bit less prevalent, probably because we're starting with source material in which each of the guys has a reason for existing in the story aside from being a penis-receptacle. Kirk and Spock both bring a lot to The Enterprise, so it's a bit more difficult to reduce one of them to the levels of passivity inherent in traditional het romance. (Not that there aren't plenty of fanficcers out there who pull it off; it's just easier to find slash fanfic romances based on true partnership and equality.)
But unfortunately, it looks like the original m/m market is stepping back into those nasty old tropes. I read m/m because I like it when both partners are pursuer and pursued, when they're both strong personalities with value and interests outside the relationship, and when penetrative sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a love story. Sorry, but I just don't think fucking has much to do with love. And frankly, I find the notion of one partner guarding the goodies until twu luv has been declared incredibly insulting. It's an antiquated notion stemming from prizing a woman's virgin status at marriage--all the better for a clear line of inheritance. Replacing your withholding heroine with a male stand-in doesn't make it any less about perpetuating chastity as a desirable characteristic...and that, my friends, comes from an ugly patriarchal place.
Anyway, for me m/m is fun and exciting because there's not all this history and tradition of one partner being "weak" while the other is "strong", one emotionally available and supportive, the other closed-off and in need of sensitive understanding, etc. It's just incredibly disappointing that apparently, that's not the attraction for many readers. And while I guess I should go with the old standbys--don't like, don't read; to each his own; blah, blah--I really kind of believe that this breeches-ripping crap is bad for people. I know I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to speaking for GLBT people, but cramming two dudes into the type of story that should have Fabio on its cover probably isn't exactly advancing a positive or realistic image of gay relationships. And when women continue to gobble up these stories with fucked-up dynamics (regardless of the dangly bits of the protagonists), it just helps perpetuate unhealthy ideas about love and relationships--that it's not love if somebody's feet aren't being swept. (A part of me actually believes that one of the reasons so many relationships fail is because people have unrealistic beliefs and expectations about what love is and should be based on the media they consume.)
So, yeah, rantybleh is ranty.
In other news, I've been pretty good about writing at least a little every day, although I have been switching between different projects to avoid fatigue. It's been...going okay, I think, although I'm just never going to be Ms. Speedy Prolificpants unless I quit my day job, break my television (not to mention all the video game systems), and lose my internet connection.
Oh, but I did get really inspired two nights ago and stayed up writing until 6 a.m. Not on a story, mind you...I'm creating a fake advice column on Fiction Press, sort of a snarky ask-a-beta thing, to help exorcise some of my frustrations and hopefully dispense some semi-useful writing tips at the same time. Probably not the best use of my time, but hey, writing's writing, right?
The reason I've never liked the majority of het romance novels I've tried is because they're so rife with imbalances and inequalities. The damsel in distress is swept off her feet by a man who seduces her and then fucks her like she's never been fucked before. The man is the aggressor, pursuing the woman hell bent for leather, a looming presence (literally, figuratively, or both) to be reckoned with.
Even when writers try to switch things up and give us a woman who's feisty and strong, there's usually some serious feet sweeping going on, followed by swooning and multi-orgasmic penetrative sex. There's an aggressor and a more passive (often reluctant) partner. Or we get a kick-ass heroine, but it feels a little too on the nose, like that's the entire focus of the story, which seems kinda pandering.
See, the reason I got into m/m in the first place was because I could read stories without these insulting dynamics. I started out with fanfic, where these icky inequalities tend to be a bit less prevalent, probably because we're starting with source material in which each of the guys has a reason for existing in the story aside from being a penis-receptacle. Kirk and Spock both bring a lot to The Enterprise, so it's a bit more difficult to reduce one of them to the levels of passivity inherent in traditional het romance. (Not that there aren't plenty of fanficcers out there who pull it off; it's just easier to find slash fanfic romances based on true partnership and equality.)
But unfortunately, it looks like the original m/m market is stepping back into those nasty old tropes. I read m/m because I like it when both partners are pursuer and pursued, when they're both strong personalities with value and interests outside the relationship, and when penetrative sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a love story. Sorry, but I just don't think fucking has much to do with love. And frankly, I find the notion of one partner guarding the goodies until twu luv has been declared incredibly insulting. It's an antiquated notion stemming from prizing a woman's virgin status at marriage--all the better for a clear line of inheritance. Replacing your withholding heroine with a male stand-in doesn't make it any less about perpetuating chastity as a desirable characteristic...and that, my friends, comes from an ugly patriarchal place.
Anyway, for me m/m is fun and exciting because there's not all this history and tradition of one partner being "weak" while the other is "strong", one emotionally available and supportive, the other closed-off and in need of sensitive understanding, etc. It's just incredibly disappointing that apparently, that's not the attraction for many readers. And while I guess I should go with the old standbys--don't like, don't read; to each his own; blah, blah--I really kind of believe that this breeches-ripping crap is bad for people. I know I don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to speaking for GLBT people, but cramming two dudes into the type of story that should have Fabio on its cover probably isn't exactly advancing a positive or realistic image of gay relationships. And when women continue to gobble up these stories with fucked-up dynamics (regardless of the dangly bits of the protagonists), it just helps perpetuate unhealthy ideas about love and relationships--that it's not love if somebody's feet aren't being swept. (A part of me actually believes that one of the reasons so many relationships fail is because people have unrealistic beliefs and expectations about what love is and should be based on the media they consume.)
So, yeah, rantybleh is ranty.
In other news, I've been pretty good about writing at least a little every day, although I have been switching between different projects to avoid fatigue. It's been...going okay, I think, although I'm just never going to be Ms. Speedy Prolificpants unless I quit my day job, break my television (not to mention all the video game systems), and lose my internet connection.
Oh, but I did get really inspired two nights ago and stayed up writing until 6 a.m. Not on a story, mind you...I'm creating a fake advice column on Fiction Press, sort of a snarky ask-a-beta thing, to help exorcise some of my frustrations and hopefully dispense some semi-useful writing tips at the same time. Probably not the best use of my time, but hey, writing's writing, right?