When does it end? When does it FUCKING end?
My life is like a neverending soap opera. Things are ALWAYS going on. Always. It's the kind of shit that gets me depressed and triggers me to cry multiple times a day and ALWAYS before I go to sleep. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Let's see....as I've mentioned before, I went to paste a survey into my journal and the survey didn't come up. An email from my stepdad to a woman was present. Basically, it clearly stated he is/was cheating on my mother. My mom did confront him but he made up a whole series of lies. He tried to ally with my sis but she doesn't believe a thing he says either. My mom said she and him have some major issues and stuff. But, yet, he's still in the house. I mean, my mom KNOWS what I think. I think he should be thrown out.....but she's all like "time will tell" and all this crap. But, yeah, he's not even here right now. Who knows WHERE he is. He is not speaking to me, he's giving me the silent treatment. THAT is how mature he is. I'm basically invisible to him. I am sooooooo angry and have so much rage, it's unbelievable. I went to see Shannon tonight and told her I was trying to maintain control of the situation.....she started talking about how I need to let go.....and "feel the emotions".....OMG, minutes later I was crying so hard and she just held me until I stopped. None of this is my fault. None of it. I'm just caught in the middle of a really bad situation. Shannon is going to be gone all next week! Whatever am I going to do?!? I know she's worried about me....she asked if I was gonna be okay and stuff...but I'd never do something to harm myself. She says when I internalize things, I do something to harm myself. But, God, I can't. I just can't. Fuck. I hear the garage door. It's probably HIM. Great. Chase just called. He has to go pick up his teacher's van. I'm gonna go with him cuz I have to, I just HAVE to get out of this house. I feel like I'm going to blow up. Oh good, my sister's home too. Thank God. I feel like such shit right now. I really do. I hate it. I just hate myself, I really and truly hate myself. I just wish everything wasn't in such turmoil. Well, I guess I'm out til Chase gets here