no sleep sucks ass

[bleedingxxtears]

i'm not for certain
whether you ever existed
and were robbed
or if you were just
some ploy that was
conjured up
but right now i'm feeling you
and you're suddenly real
whether you ever were
or not
it doesn't matter
because let's face it
it does matter
and i'm done lying to myself
and i'm doing this tonight
at 4am
i'm writing this now
trying to figure out
what i really am
i could be fake
i could be real
i could be rich
i could be a steal
i could be the best thing
to ever happen
but i know that could never happen
i could be a waste of time
and that's probably right
i could be living my life
or i could be wasting it
or is there even a difference
but still there's this...
dream
i don't even know
blue jeans and t shirts
flip flops and shows
a hand in mine
and a cigarette in the other
going drink for drink
with the brown bottles
but it's never cancer
and it's never cerosis
it's all fu.cking aces
with clubs
and giant fu.cking hearts
and biz cas suits
and i'm the one on the microphone
screaming lyrics in pure
unabated
joy
it's just fu.cking ace

so who's the idiot?
you for fooling me?
or me for fooling me?
or is it me for falling for it?
well i told you already
that i'd be had as much as it takes
because one of these times
when i empty it out
i'm going to double up
and i'll know who's the idiot
but i'll never know about that
and right now
i'm dealing with it