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Lenten Confession: Lindsay Louise Bachman
March 1, 2006
Today begins 46 days of lent...the time before the Christian festivity of Easter - the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. For me, particularly this year, it's an ominous time: a time of abstaining, of reflection, of personal and spiritual work - refinement, devotion, and simplicity...the spiritual disciplines. It's a time that is long overdue and much needed, a time to rediscover the heart of my faith and the passion of the Christ - the Christ who lives and breathes in me.
I've lost a lot this past year. One might say that it's been a year of burying ‘the loved’: ministerial institutions, personal dreams, relationships with authority, respect for mentors, love of comrades - the loss of friends. The death of a hope - in the sanctity and goodness and purity of the church Jesus longs to see us become. It's been hard.
The blessing comes though, when all is stripped away, and nothing remains worth fighting for and living for outside of the beautiful-freakish-violent-gracious truth that Jesus was nailed to a cross to preserve. When the storm subsides, and the shades have been unveiled, our eyes can really see "the glory of the coming Lord." His glory lay within us - even us, the broken. He rests in the shadow of the weak and defenseless, in the heart of reconciliation, the spirit of humility, the message of forgiveness. He moves mysteriously, to take us from where we are to where He wants us to be. And He uses anything and everything - even the disturbed intentions of others.
I come this Easter, with a reflective spirit, with a desire to know the truth, to be broken by its power and transformed by its grace. "To know Christ, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering: To Be Like Him." (Phil. 3:10)
My confession is this: I have sinned and have regarded it in my heart. I have been petty, jealous, lustful, arrogant, stubborn, mouthy, hateful, gossipy, judgmental, disobedient and rude. I have made people, relationships, activities, and a church my idols. I have bowed down to the temptations that lay ever before me and I have listened to the voices of rebellion and manipulation instead of the Shepard, Christ, who lay down His life in my place: "When justice cried for a sacrifice for me, He showed me mercy."
What a Savior. What an amazing Redeemer. What providence and grace, devotion and atonement. God, that You would die for me?? How could I repay your love?
There is an old song...I never actually remember who wrote it, but it says, what beats with fiery in my heart when I think about the goodness of God and His gift of Christ - to take my place of death and suffering:
"What can I give Him
As poor as I am
If I were a Shepard
I’d give Him a lamb
If I were a Wiseman
I’d do my part
But what can I give Him...
...I’ll give Him my heart."
That is my hearts desire and devotion this Lenten Season. As I make certain abstentions, I do so with thanks. For He's faithful: despite friendship betrayal, despite injustice in His Creation, despite His failing church and...despite me - His prodigal daughter. His covenantal love covers a multitude of sin - for me, for you, and yes...even for them - they who hate and persecute.
My Prayer: Father, teach me to be like Your Son.
March 1, 2006
Today begins 46 days of lent...the time before the Christian festivity of Easter - the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. For me, particularly this year, it's an ominous time: a time of abstaining, of reflection, of personal and spiritual work - refinement, devotion, and simplicity...the spiritual disciplines. It's a time that is long overdue and much needed, a time to rediscover the heart of my faith and the passion of the Christ - the Christ who lives and breathes in me.
I've lost a lot this past year. One might say that it's been a year of burying ‘the loved’: ministerial institutions, personal dreams, relationships with authority, respect for mentors, love of comrades - the loss of friends. The death of a hope - in the sanctity and goodness and purity of the church Jesus longs to see us become. It's been hard.
The blessing comes though, when all is stripped away, and nothing remains worth fighting for and living for outside of the beautiful-freakish-violent-gracious truth that Jesus was nailed to a cross to preserve. When the storm subsides, and the shades have been unveiled, our eyes can really see "the glory of the coming Lord." His glory lay within us - even us, the broken. He rests in the shadow of the weak and defenseless, in the heart of reconciliation, the spirit of humility, the message of forgiveness. He moves mysteriously, to take us from where we are to where He wants us to be. And He uses anything and everything - even the disturbed intentions of others.
I come this Easter, with a reflective spirit, with a desire to know the truth, to be broken by its power and transformed by its grace. "To know Christ, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering: To Be Like Him." (Phil. 3:10)
My confession is this: I have sinned and have regarded it in my heart. I have been petty, jealous, lustful, arrogant, stubborn, mouthy, hateful, gossipy, judgmental, disobedient and rude. I have made people, relationships, activities, and a church my idols. I have bowed down to the temptations that lay ever before me and I have listened to the voices of rebellion and manipulation instead of the Shepard, Christ, who lay down His life in my place: "When justice cried for a sacrifice for me, He showed me mercy."
What a Savior. What an amazing Redeemer. What providence and grace, devotion and atonement. God, that You would die for me?? How could I repay your love?
There is an old song...I never actually remember who wrote it, but it says, what beats with fiery in my heart when I think about the goodness of God and His gift of Christ - to take my place of death and suffering:
"What can I give Him
As poor as I am
If I were a Shepard
I’d give Him a lamb
If I were a Wiseman
I’d do my part
But what can I give Him...
...I’ll give Him my heart."
That is my hearts desire and devotion this Lenten Season. As I make certain abstentions, I do so with thanks. For He's faithful: despite friendship betrayal, despite injustice in His Creation, despite His failing church and...despite me - His prodigal daughter. His covenantal love covers a multitude of sin - for me, for you, and yes...even for them - they who hate and persecute.
My Prayer: Father, teach me to be like Your Son.