You left without hearing what I have to say....I'll tell you now. I love you.
School....
Health-I walked in right before the bell rang. I felt like shit, I looked like shit...cept I was wearing a skirt. woo..go me. The preppy rich bitch was bothering me again and I wanted to throw my Algebra book really hard at her...but I held back. I wanted to go to the bathroom and throw up...but I didn't go because its just wrong.
Gym-Changed, played football, kicked the teams ass...felt like shit, ignored mostly everyone...I'm such a lovely person
Latin-Started Chap. 2, have homework. Vocab in latin/english 3times each. Actually attempted to be nice to other people.
Algebra-Classwork, notes. Didn't talk much.
Science-Took the test, I think I failed that. Megan wrote all over me, saw my cuts...and I think Collen did too. -shrugs- oh well. Life will move on.
History-did classwork...have to study for school.
Study-Was insane. All I wanted to do was die. I felt like shit...I drew these cool pictures and the teacher took them away and ripped them up. I was pissed...but I didn't do jack.
At the end of the day I see Billi run out of her classroom and down the hall to Matt's....and I looked at her smiling and I turned my head away...I felt as if I was going to throw up. I came home and took a shower and cried my eyes out.
I will never be happy. I will never be okay. But I can promise you that I'm not okay.
God, I'm getting bitched at by my dad and mom cuz I could fail gym, cuz I didn't change three days. One, I didn't have clothes, Two I could get my lock open cuz I didn't have the key and Three I felt like shit. I don't give a fuck anymore. All I wanna do is curl up and die. But I can't cuz I told Matt I wouldn't die until I'm 80. -sighs- I don't think we're going to see Resident Evil 2 cuz of the damn danger of failing note. And I probably won't get my cd or my cd player either. Oh well, life will go on.
Amanda, got dumped and she's like alll I got dumped...and then she's like well I'm seeing this chick tonight so I can do shit. Meh, shows how much she likes Britney. I got a note for Britney and Taylor....I'll probably just throw them away, or something. Who knows.
I've been home from school since 2.30pm and I have done nothing but sit on the computer, talked on AIM and MSN and listen to music.
Idk what we are doing for dinner and I don't really care either. I wanna go to the movies, or to the mall....somewhere..Maybe I'll take a walk to the graveyard, or walk around town...or call Alex and see what she's doing. Knowing my mom, she'll be like "I don't want you hanging out with her".
Alex is this chick and people say she's insane, and she's does drugs...and all that fucking shit and my mom believes it. I was like...hmmm if you heard I did drugs and I am insane...would you believe it...I doubt she would. She would shrug it off like me cutting myself, me having chronic depression. Last night it was a semi attempt...and I took 20 pills(sleeping and pain killers) and shots of vodka and tequlia and they didn't notice anything.
-sighs- I hate how my dad comes in and checks on me...blah. I wish he would stop carring...wait no let me correct myself. I want everyone that cares to stop because it's not worth it.
Meh....my tummy hurts....I want to cut some more...but I won't because I'm stopping. I'm stopping for Matt, Amanda, Billi, Gareth, Benny, Taylor...and everyone else who wants me to stop. =)
I just realized that I have a thingy a mob next week for freshmen and then in sophmore year I get a class ring....that is soo cool. =) I hope everyone is right about Freshmen year being one of the hardest year....and the rest go by soooo quickly.
Ewwww, my mom and dad were like making out...god, save me. Everyone is all lovely this month.
I want Matt to hold me and tell me everything is fine...even though its not. I want Matt to kiss me and tell me I'm his everything. I am soo fucked up.