this is me/this is me dwelling for a few minutes

[bleedingjuliet]

~~~~Every bad thing in my life, or thats happened in my life has totally been my own doing. You care about me, or I care about you...and I start to think it's to much I push you away. A little fucked up isn't it. I live in a world of pain that is my own damn fault. He was going through so much, I couldn't help, and I thought the best thing for him would be me out of his life. He didn't need my emotional shit on top of his own...and thats how he is he takes it all on himself. I thought what I was doing was the right thing. I thought I could stay away...I almost made it. Nay dragged him back into my world. It's gone to far, I can't get it back. I need to forget, I want to forget...but how when you need someone so much that it hurts...it doesn't matter though it truely is the for the best that I just stay out of his life. when I lost faith you believed in me, when i stumbled you were right there, for every act of love you've done I owe you. It's really insane, i'm really insane, to hurt someone that cares about you, that was the only person you could talk to and not feel like you had to hide things from. I really really suck. This is gonna sound really stupid, but I never meant to hurt him. I know I need to stay away now, nothing can change whats happened. I love him enough to stay away, even if it kills me I'll stay away. I've lost him and mike forever, and mike was my last link to who I was before. I just can't explain why I love him so much. I'm so fucked up, i'm just totally lost. ~~~~

I don't know why i'm deluding myself into thinking i'd make it in college. I can barely handle high school work. I'm deluding myself into thinking I can become that bitter bitch I was in 8th grade. Jacci is right though the running away has to stop. I just have to deal, move on, go on, forget, try not to let it happen again.

xDeadlyredheaDx: you can only push people away so many times before they give up on you
xDeadlyredheaDx: i'm such a bitch