(no subject)
so i made it through last night, and all day today. I'm not really positive how. i'm scared and confused. I don't know if I should stay here, or if I should run. If I ran, I don't have any clue where I would go.
We never talk. All of these things happen, words are flung like fists. we hurt each other on every level possible... and then we walk around pretending that nothing has happened... we never discuss things, never get any clear resolution to any of our problems...
I feel as if he would rather keep fighting than try to actually solve anything... and I don't know if I want to keep trying to fix things that are clearly broken...
I saw her today. Only in passing mostly. She is so consumed with whatever is eating away at her to notice that there is anyone concerned. Why would she expect me to be concerned anyway? I am probably the last person she would expect or want to worry about her. But I cannot help myself. I want to hug her and hear her problems. I want to cover her up and hold her in bed. I want her to know that I am there and she is safe. But I want to feel the same way. I feel like we could do that for each other. I don't know if I could make her happy, and that scared me, but I know that she would make ME happy... I feel myself becoming more and more interested in her each day, and I'm hoping that she is not noticing. I wonder if she is sleeping already. If she is alone or if someone else is by her side where I wish that I could be. I wonder about her so often, but I know that I will never get the chance to important to her. I will never be able to hold her or tell her how I feel, and that also scared me.
We never talk. All of these things happen, words are flung like fists. we hurt each other on every level possible... and then we walk around pretending that nothing has happened... we never discuss things, never get any clear resolution to any of our problems...
I feel as if he would rather keep fighting than try to actually solve anything... and I don't know if I want to keep trying to fix things that are clearly broken...
I saw her today. Only in passing mostly. She is so consumed with whatever is eating away at her to notice that there is anyone concerned. Why would she expect me to be concerned anyway? I am probably the last person she would expect or want to worry about her. But I cannot help myself. I want to hug her and hear her problems. I want to cover her up and hold her in bed. I want her to know that I am there and she is safe. But I want to feel the same way. I feel like we could do that for each other. I don't know if I could make her happy, and that scared me, but I know that she would make ME happy... I feel myself becoming more and more interested in her each day, and I'm hoping that she is not noticing. I wonder if she is sleeping already. If she is alone or if someone else is by her side where I wish that I could be. I wonder about her so often, but I know that I will never get the chance to important to her. I will never be able to hold her or tell her how I feel, and that also scared me.