(no subject)
I can't believe that it came to this. I can't believe that someone could do this to me again, or better yet that I could let it happen to myself again. It's been so long since I've had to feel this kind of pain and rejection...
And I'm laying here with you right there next to me, but you are so many miles away... And I'm realizing that this is it and that tomorrow morning when I leave to to to work you are going to leave too. You are going to go home and that's going to be that. And I'm not going to see you anymore... Well to be fair that's an egsaggeration... I will see you, but I will be so awkward and so tense and I am going to have to fight back tears every time I see you. Everytime that knot in my stomach grows and I can't speak and all I can think to do is to cry...
But for now I'm laying here looking at you and realizing that this is the last timeni am going to lay in bed with you. The last time I am going to look over and see your back as you face the wall. The last time I am goingbro listen to you snore while you sleep... This is it... And just like that I am back to where I began.... Alone and trying to find you, or rather who I thought you were... Who you were supposed to be...
I love you Joshua Richard Ayotte...
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