I just can't handle things

[bleedingbriar]

I'm so tired of getting my hopes up and then getting them just cut down. I don't know why I expect anything from anyone...I need to stop but it kills me inside when I give so much and then don't get shit in return. I think I'm alittle emotional right now but no ones around as usual. All those friends who tell me to call them when I'm upset I know will just be busy and I don't want to burden them with all the crap I'm going through (most of it being my own fault) I just don't know why I'm so different from everyone else. Why do I feel like I have to give away so much of myself all the time. I guess I think it will help to make people like me but I don't know if they really do in the long run or if I'm just very convenient and then I feel bad when I only concentrate on one person instead of dividing myself between all my friends.
I can't believe that no one else feels like this there must be someone. They've probably already ended it. I'm reading a book right now that talks about this girl having this power to heal people but everytime she does she gets closer to insanity and weakens herself. I guess I can relate to that. It's too bad that it's fiction...I'm tired of wishing that I was dead. I'm tired of struggling everyday to not cut. I'm just tired of hating myself and everyone around me (not that I let them know that)
I feel like a stupid sappy emo teenager writing like this! I'm 22 I should be over all this shit by now right! It's ridiculous....