Bonus Features: Supernatural: The Long Road Back
I decided to add this for you guys. This post includes:
1. Some ramblings about the fic.
2. A deleted scene from Chapter 13.
3. My playlist (songs I associate with future Cas, Dean, the fic in general)
Feel free to skip this if you're not interested in my insane thoughts, I wouldn't blame you :)
1. First thing I wanted to explain was the title of the fic. It was deliberately misleading - yes I admit this :) I'm sneaky that way. I wanted people to assume that Dean was going to get back to his time. Hence "the long road back." What it actually meant was in relation to several things. First being Dean having to take the long way to save Cas and Sam. Instead of just popping back to the past with this knowledge (the episode) he now had to do it the long, hard way. The other main reason was Cas's drug addiction. Cas's long road back from drugs. Those were the two main, but there are other smaller ones :)
2. What I wanted to achieve with this fic: To put it simply, tell a believable love story for Dean and Cas, with an interesting plot going on. I wanted to put them in a situation where it could realistically happen. The rest developed from there. Hopefully I succeeded in this.
3. The last thing is something I know some of you picked up on and some of you didn't. So I figured I'd put it out there now: Chuck is God in this fic (as it was implied at the end of season five that he might be). There are a lot of hints, I promise, so knowing this if you go back and read it again, I think you'll see certain scenes in a whole new light :)
Deleted Scene:
This scene takes place in chapter 13. It was cut for the simple reason that you already knew what happened, it was summed up by Future Dean, and future Cas. But orginally I did plan to include this in the flashbacks, I went a different route in the end, having Dean realize future Dean enjoyed the kiss during their conversation before Cas had to shoot him. Since I saved this, i figured why not share it. There's probably errors, as it's not betaed. And fair warning, it's angsty as all hell.
Cas was tired. It had been a long month since Bobby’s death. Dean was becoming more and more distant-he knew he blamed him for Bobby’s death.
Most days Cas just tried not to think about it. Alcohol had helped with that in the beginning. It had kept the nightmares at bay.
Being a former angel had gifted him with a higher tolerance for the stuff. His body had adapted quickly, and it was taking more and more to get him through the day.
There was a knock at the door.
Who would that be at this hour?
Cas opened it and was surprised to see Dean standing there.
“Hey Cas,” Dean pushed past him, one arm snaking around Cas’s neck. He leaned in and smiled, his eyes were glassy, and his breath reeked of booze.
“Umm-hi,” Dean was drunk even by Cas’s standards.
Dean’s arm slid away and he walked in a zig-zag pattern to Cas’s kitchen.
“Is everything okay?” Cas asked.
Dean waved his arm, “You worry too much, Cas.”
“Right,” Cas crossed his arms. “What can I do for you?”
Dean harrumphed. “I can’t just visit my friend-I have to have a reason.”
Cas felt his heart leap. Dean hadn’t paid him much attention at all in the past month, maybe things were changing now-maybe he could get his friend back.
Like that’s all you’re interested in.
Cas pushed that line of thinking away. It was never going to happen. There had been a time early on in their relationship when he’d thought they might grow closer-now he knew better. Dean didn’t want him that way, hell lately he didn’t want him at all.
“You haven’t been around much,” Cas replied timidly.
Something like sadness flickered across Dean’s face. “I know-I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
Cas felt a surge of hope. “Me too.”
Cas stepped closer.
Dean glanced towards the ground, then back up at Cas. Dean got the same look on his face that he did when psyching himself up to charge into a room of monsters.
Dean crossed the room in two long strides and kissed him. Cas was stunned-before he could react Dean pulled away leaving Cas aching for more.
Cas didn’t think-he pressed his lips back onto Dean’s with enough force to push him against the counter. His fingers ran up the back of Dean’s neck until they found his soft, damp hair. Dean froze-then for a brief moment his lips started to caress Cas’s.
Then the warm mouth was gone, and Cas felt pain flare in his nose. He stumbled back and hit the ground hard.
Cas didn’t understand until he looked up and met Dean’s eyes.
They were filled with confusion and fear.
Dean hit me.
The sound of laughter reached Cas’s ears.
He looked around and saw the outline of several men peeking through his window.
Cas’s gaze shot back to Dean.
Whatever he’d thought he’d seen on Dean’s face was gone, now there was only a cold mask.
“What’s going on?” Cas asked.
Dean chuckled. “I just won myself a new hunting knife.”
“I don’t understand,” Cas was having trouble breathing again.
“Some of the guys dared me to kiss you. If I did it-I won.” Dean crossed his arms across his chest. “Just didn’t expect you to react so well to it.”
“Get out,” Cas whispered.
“Come on, Cas. It was only a joke.”
Cas wiped away the blood that was dripping from his nose. “I said get out.”
Dean shrugged and tossed a handkerchief at him. “Sorry about the nose.”
Cas could hear them hooting and hollering as they walked away.
It was too much.
He drank himself into oblivion-it still wasn’t enough.
The Playlist (or songs I listened to a lot while writing this):
Music I associate with this fic in no particular order, and brief explanations why.
It's not You by Halestorm
Cas POV: His feelings have shifted from future Dean to past Dean.
Download It's Not You
Heavy in your arms by Florence and the Machine
This can go either Dean or Cas POV. They both have their burdens and issues they bring to the relationship, but they both carry each others weight perfectly.
Download Heavy in your arms
We Are by Anna Johnsson
General Long Road Back song. The life, the fighting.
Download We Are
Beside You by Marianas Trench
Cas/Dean's relationship: "If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much. I'll be right beside you."
Download Beside you
Broken by Lifehouse
Cas POV (especially early on in the fic): I'm damaged at best, like you've already figured out. With a broken heart, that's still beating."
Download Broken
Comatose by Skillet
Dean POV: He's tired of denying his feeling for Cas. "I hate feeling like this, I'm so tired of trying to fight this, i'm asleep and i'll dream of his waking to you. Your touch is what i'm missing."
Download Comatose
Closer to You by Adelita's Way
Cas POV: He wants to find a way to get closer to Dean. "Here I stand with my heart in my hands, and all I do, to get closer to you."
Download Closer to You
ET by Katy Perry
Cas and Dean sexy times, that is all.
Download ET
I don't care by Apocalyptica
Cas POV: His anger towards future Dean. "I try to make it through my life, in my way there's you. You try to break me, you want to break me bit by bit."
Download I don't care
Live free or Let Me Die by Skillet
General Long Road Back song. Their fight against the end of the world.
Download Live Free or Let me Die
Storm by Lifehouse
Cas POV on Dean saving him, keeping him from drowning in his addiction. "How long have I been in this storm. So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form. Waters getting harder to tred, with these waves crashing over my head. Barely surviving has become my purpose, because i'm so used to living underneath the surface."
Download Storm
Sober by Pink
Cas POV on his addiction: "I"m safe up high, nothing can touch me. But why don't I feel this party's over? No pain inside, you're my perfection. But how do I feel this good sober? I'm looking for myself sober."
Download Sober
Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica
Dean POV: He's not strong enough to stay away from Cas.
Download Not Strong Enough
All Fall Down by One Republic
General Long Road Back song: "Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's where you'll fine me."
Download All Fall Down
And that's all folks - comments/lingering questions are welcomed, although I can't promise I'll have an answer :)
1. Some ramblings about the fic.
2. A deleted scene from Chapter 13.
3. My playlist (songs I associate with future Cas, Dean, the fic in general)
Feel free to skip this if you're not interested in my insane thoughts, I wouldn't blame you :)
1. First thing I wanted to explain was the title of the fic. It was deliberately misleading - yes I admit this :) I'm sneaky that way. I wanted people to assume that Dean was going to get back to his time. Hence "the long road back." What it actually meant was in relation to several things. First being Dean having to take the long way to save Cas and Sam. Instead of just popping back to the past with this knowledge (the episode) he now had to do it the long, hard way. The other main reason was Cas's drug addiction. Cas's long road back from drugs. Those were the two main, but there are other smaller ones :)
2. What I wanted to achieve with this fic: To put it simply, tell a believable love story for Dean and Cas, with an interesting plot going on. I wanted to put them in a situation where it could realistically happen. The rest developed from there. Hopefully I succeeded in this.
3. The last thing is something I know some of you picked up on and some of you didn't. So I figured I'd put it out there now: Chuck is God in this fic (as it was implied at the end of season five that he might be). There are a lot of hints, I promise, so knowing this if you go back and read it again, I think you'll see certain scenes in a whole new light :)
Deleted Scene:
This scene takes place in chapter 13. It was cut for the simple reason that you already knew what happened, it was summed up by Future Dean, and future Cas. But orginally I did plan to include this in the flashbacks, I went a different route in the end, having Dean realize future Dean enjoyed the kiss during their conversation before Cas had to shoot him. Since I saved this, i figured why not share it. There's probably errors, as it's not betaed. And fair warning, it's angsty as all hell.
Cas was tired. It had been a long month since Bobby’s death. Dean was becoming more and more distant-he knew he blamed him for Bobby’s death.
Most days Cas just tried not to think about it. Alcohol had helped with that in the beginning. It had kept the nightmares at bay.
Being a former angel had gifted him with a higher tolerance for the stuff. His body had adapted quickly, and it was taking more and more to get him through the day.
There was a knock at the door.
Who would that be at this hour?
Cas opened it and was surprised to see Dean standing there.
“Hey Cas,” Dean pushed past him, one arm snaking around Cas’s neck. He leaned in and smiled, his eyes were glassy, and his breath reeked of booze.
“Umm-hi,” Dean was drunk even by Cas’s standards.
Dean’s arm slid away and he walked in a zig-zag pattern to Cas’s kitchen.
“Is everything okay?” Cas asked.
Dean waved his arm, “You worry too much, Cas.”
“Right,” Cas crossed his arms. “What can I do for you?”
Dean harrumphed. “I can’t just visit my friend-I have to have a reason.”
Cas felt his heart leap. Dean hadn’t paid him much attention at all in the past month, maybe things were changing now-maybe he could get his friend back.
Like that’s all you’re interested in.
Cas pushed that line of thinking away. It was never going to happen. There had been a time early on in their relationship when he’d thought they might grow closer-now he knew better. Dean didn’t want him that way, hell lately he didn’t want him at all.
“You haven’t been around much,” Cas replied timidly.
Something like sadness flickered across Dean’s face. “I know-I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
Cas felt a surge of hope. “Me too.”
Cas stepped closer.
Dean glanced towards the ground, then back up at Cas. Dean got the same look on his face that he did when psyching himself up to charge into a room of monsters.
Dean crossed the room in two long strides and kissed him. Cas was stunned-before he could react Dean pulled away leaving Cas aching for more.
Cas didn’t think-he pressed his lips back onto Dean’s with enough force to push him against the counter. His fingers ran up the back of Dean’s neck until they found his soft, damp hair. Dean froze-then for a brief moment his lips started to caress Cas’s.
Then the warm mouth was gone, and Cas felt pain flare in his nose. He stumbled back and hit the ground hard.
Cas didn’t understand until he looked up and met Dean’s eyes.
They were filled with confusion and fear.
Dean hit me.
The sound of laughter reached Cas’s ears.
He looked around and saw the outline of several men peeking through his window.
Cas’s gaze shot back to Dean.
Whatever he’d thought he’d seen on Dean’s face was gone, now there was only a cold mask.
“What’s going on?” Cas asked.
Dean chuckled. “I just won myself a new hunting knife.”
“I don’t understand,” Cas was having trouble breathing again.
“Some of the guys dared me to kiss you. If I did it-I won.” Dean crossed his arms across his chest. “Just didn’t expect you to react so well to it.”
“Get out,” Cas whispered.
“Come on, Cas. It was only a joke.”
Cas wiped away the blood that was dripping from his nose. “I said get out.”
Dean shrugged and tossed a handkerchief at him. “Sorry about the nose.”
Cas could hear them hooting and hollering as they walked away.
It was too much.
He drank himself into oblivion-it still wasn’t enough.
The Playlist (or songs I listened to a lot while writing this):
Music I associate with this fic in no particular order, and brief explanations why.
It's not You by Halestorm
Cas POV: His feelings have shifted from future Dean to past Dean.
Download It's Not You
Heavy in your arms by Florence and the Machine
This can go either Dean or Cas POV. They both have their burdens and issues they bring to the relationship, but they both carry each others weight perfectly.
Download Heavy in your arms
We Are by Anna Johnsson
General Long Road Back song. The life, the fighting.
Download We Are
Beside You by Marianas Trench
Cas/Dean's relationship: "If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much. I'll be right beside you."
Download Beside you
Broken by Lifehouse
Cas POV (especially early on in the fic): I'm damaged at best, like you've already figured out. With a broken heart, that's still beating."
Download Broken
Comatose by Skillet
Dean POV: He's tired of denying his feeling for Cas. "I hate feeling like this, I'm so tired of trying to fight this, i'm asleep and i'll dream of his waking to you. Your touch is what i'm missing."
Download Comatose
Closer to You by Adelita's Way
Cas POV: He wants to find a way to get closer to Dean. "Here I stand with my heart in my hands, and all I do, to get closer to you."
Download Closer to You
ET by Katy Perry
Cas and Dean sexy times, that is all.
Download ET
I don't care by Apocalyptica
Cas POV: His anger towards future Dean. "I try to make it through my life, in my way there's you. You try to break me, you want to break me bit by bit."
Download I don't care
Live free or Let Me Die by Skillet
General Long Road Back song. Their fight against the end of the world.
Download Live Free or Let me Die
Storm by Lifehouse
Cas POV on Dean saving him, keeping him from drowning in his addiction. "How long have I been in this storm. So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form. Waters getting harder to tred, with these waves crashing over my head. Barely surviving has become my purpose, because i'm so used to living underneath the surface."
Download Storm
Sober by Pink
Cas POV on his addiction: "I"m safe up high, nothing can touch me. But why don't I feel this party's over? No pain inside, you're my perfection. But how do I feel this good sober? I'm looking for myself sober."
Download Sober
Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica
Dean POV: He's not strong enough to stay away from Cas.
Download Not Strong Enough
All Fall Down by One Republic
General Long Road Back song: "Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's where you'll fine me."
Download All Fall Down
And that's all folks - comments/lingering questions are welcomed, although I can't promise I'll have an answer :)