This chapter was a PITA to write/edit, I really hope you guys enjoy it :)
Special thank you to
weslyn For helping me a lot on this one because I really wanted to get it right.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author:
nicole9514Rating: R (maybe NC-17 later to be safe)
Chapters: 16/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, eventual slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 2339 (45,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight Chapter 15 Chapter Two Chapter Nine Chapter Three Chapter Ten Chapter Four Chapter Eleven Chapter Five Chapter Twelve Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen When Dean woke up, the first thing he noticed was his leg was aching again; those amazing pills must have worn off. The next thing was the warm body curled around him. There was an arm draped across his chest, and he could feel someone’s warm breath tickling his neck. He turned his head and found Cas snuggled up against him.
Oh shit.
Dean blinked and tried to remember last night.
After a few moments of blind panic, things started to come back. He‘d asked him to stay…that was it. They’d only slept. There had been no lines crossed. No, but you freaking bent the crap out of them, didn’t you?
Dean suppressed a groan. If Dad could see me now, sharing a bed with a man. If Dean was honest, he didn’t hate it. Dean took a deep breath and pushed thoughts of his father away. His dad was gone, and nothing had happened anyway. There was no reason to go there, but the way his body felt with Cas molded against him, there was no denying he was curious about what could happen.
The longing he was having for Cas was scary as shit, not to mention confusing. Dean liked women, he always had. So why the hell had Cas‘s touch affected him so much yesterday? Then there was the startling revelation about his future self. He’d liked kissing Cas.
Dean’s eyes drifted to Cas’s lips. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to kiss the former angel. The way his lips might feel, the way he might taste. Would it really be any different than kissing a woman?
Son of a bitch. You are losing it, Dean.
It seemed Cas wasn’t the only one at war with himself.
A very soft, faint voice, that sounded a hell of a lot like him whispered, There is a simple answer if you’re not too much of a pussy to face it. You don’t like men. You like Cas. Deal with it.
The big question was why Cas? What made him different? Maybe it had something to do with his status as a former angel. Maybe it was just the stress of his current predicament. Being flung into the future with everyone he was close to either possessed or dead with only Cas, an abused junkie still hanging around. He‘d allowed himself to get close, letting down a lot of his walls trying to save his friend. In the process, his dick must have gotten the wrong message. Dean figured he might wake up tomorrow and things would be back to normal. He might even stop getting a boner whenever Cas got within a few feet of him.
Dean clenched his teeth and wiped his sweaty palms on the blanket.
Physically there was no denying it, he desired Cas. He liked the way Cas licked his lips when he concentrated, it got Dean’s blood pumping, and he noticed every time their skin brushed. Dean inhaled -he even liked the way Cas smelled. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the clean, calming scent that enveloped him.
He just didn’t know what to do about it.
If he gave into what his body wanted, all he would do was hurt Cas in the long run. Cas had been screwed with enough by the other him. Then there was his good ole buddy Zack to think about. He could pop in at any moment and wiggle his nose, sending Dean back to his time. That would be the ultimate cruelty to inflict on Cas.
Dean almost laughed. It was amazing the directions his life kept taking.
He felt Cas snuggle deeper into his chest while his hand moved down, coming to rest against Dean’s lower abdomen.
Dean felt his lower anatomy start to respond. Here we go again.
He had to fight against the urge to slide his hands underneath Cas’s t-shirt and find out if his skin was as soft and smooth as it looked. Dean knew if he’d woken in bed with a woman, and they’d gotten dirty the night before, he’d have been exploring her body, kissing her skin, sliding his tongue across those soft lips. He definitely wouldn’t have been ignoring the hard on he had right now, but this was a man. This was Cas. Reminding himself of who it was only made his dick twitch with interest.
Dean swallowed and tore his gaze away from Cas’s mouth. He really wished there was still indoor plumbing because he really could use a cold shower right now.
The hunter angled his gaze down, and took in Cas’s sleeping face; he looked peaceful. The last five years of fighting, surviving, drug use, and pain seemed to have melted away. Castiel literally looked like an angel.
Cas murmured, but didn’t wake. “What the hell am I going to do with you?” Dean whispered.
He thought about getting up, but his leg hurt, and despite his wayward thoughts, he didn’t really want to leave.
****
Castiel woke up feeling more refreshed than he had in months. A peaceful night’s sleep without the aid of drugs or alcohol. It was a miracle.
He smiled. A miracle named Dean Winchester.
Of course as soon as Dean woke up this would end.
His head turned automatically in the direction of his stash, his pulse quickened at the thought of sneaking one. Morning itch was always the worst. He felt Dean shift, and he sighed. Trying to get clean was a bitch.
Cas turned back, looking up into Dean’s face, surprised to find his eyes open and a shy smile on his lips.
“Morning,” Dean said, his tone gentle.
Cas held his breath.
“Morning,” Cas replied nervously, his eyes darting to the safety of his hands. He was afraid of what he might see on Dean’s face.
“Sleep well?” he asked. Cas heard him crack his neck.
Cas was uncertain how to respond; this was an unexpected reaction. He feared if he admitted how well he’d slept Dean might be disgusted with his enthusiasm. Cas settled on a casual, “Okay.”
“Me too. Those drugs were freaking amazing.”
“That they are,” Cas said wistfully.
Dean flinched. “Poor choice of words. Sorry, Cas.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not one of my preferred highs.” I’d much rather get something from the box under my bed.
Dean snorted.
Cas hesitated. It was becoming apparent that Dean wasn’t going to throw him out. Cas didn’t want to leave, but he wondered if he should. Dean might start to think it was weird if he kept lingering. Instead, Cas sat up on his elbow. “How’s your leg?”
Dean grimaced. “If I weren’t a badass tough guy, I’d be complaining about it right now. Since I am, it’s fine.”
Cas rolled his eyes, turned over, grabbed a bottle of plain old ibuprofen off the floor, then rolled back over. Dean was watching him intently; Cas suppressed a shiver.
“Here,” he handed the bottle to Dean. “You need some water?”
“Nah. Manly remember,” he popped four pills in and swallowed.
“Impressive.”
“I know,” Dean grinned, then his eyes drifted down lower.
Cas followed Dean’s gaze and realized his shirt had ridden up when he’d picked up the pills. His mid-section was exposed. He thought about yanking it back down, but Dean wasn’t complaining, he didn’t even think Dean was aware of him anymore.
His expression was tense and his green orbs had taken on a faraway look, he seemed to be lost in thought. Cas worried it was his leg again.
“Dean, are you alright?”
Dean cleared his throat. He looked everywhere but at Cas while rubbing the back of his neck. Dean’s mouth started to open, then closed again while he ran his fingers through his messy hair.
“I‘ve just got a lot on my mind right now,” Dean’s voice was strained when he finally spoke.
Something in their bond woke up at that moment. Cas didn’t understand it, but it got stronger. His stomach did a little flip. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d just felt, but he knew it was interesting.
Cas blushed, then looked down at his hands, and started fondling the blanket. “Like what?” Cas asked-he knew he sounded like a breathless teenager, but he couldn’t help it.
Cas lifted his gaze just enough to see Dean jerk up to a sitting position and lean against the wall. His fingers drummed against his leg. He was obviously more than a little uncomfortable. Cas found himself thinking about leaving again, but he couldn’t seem to make himself move.
Cas waited while Dean seemed to struggle with what to say. His friend had never been good at talking, but he did seem to be making a valiant effort lately. He’d helped Cas start to work through a lot of his baggage, Cas hoped Dean would let him return the favor. There was obviously something bothering him.
Dean took a deep breath and blurted. “Look, I’m not good at this kind of shit,” his tone was indifferent, but his muscles were coiled with tension.
Through their bond, Cas picked up spikes of fear, worry, and most confusing of all a smattering of desire. It was an odd combination that made Cas a bit dizzy if he tried to focus on it too much. Dean was in turmoil. Cas was starting to understand what might be going on here, but he was afraid to let that hope in yet.
Still he found himself reaching out, his fingers rested lightly on Dean’s wrist, his eyes patient. “What kind of thing?” Cas asked, his voice gentle.
“This kind of thing, ” his tone betrayed nothing, but Cas could feel the tension increasing through their bond, see just a bit more tightness at the corners of his eyes. Dean was riddled with anxiety.
Cas felt sick; there went that hope right out the damn door. Dean was upset about them sleeping in the same bed last night. He just hadn’t said anything because he was trying to be polite. He hadn’t wanted to upset the addict. Cas yanked his hand away. “If you wanted me to leave you should have just said so,” Cas could hear the soft bitterness in his voice.
Dean‘s expression became one of dismay and frustration. “That‘s not what I want.”
Cas blinked, his stomach twisted. “What do you want? You want me to stay?” Cas could hear the disbelief in his voice.
“NO-yes-maybe,” Dean sputtered, wiping sweat from his brow and Cas noticed one of his eyes kept twitching.
Cas bit back a laugh, or maybe it would have been a scream, he really wasn’t sure. Dean Winchester was going to either save him or drive him insane. Cas hadn’t figured out which yet, what he did know was that his friend was very confused. A mental push inside of him told Cas that this was important. It could have been his angel mojo, it could have been their bond, but he figured it was probably just plain old gut instinct as Dean would say. Something was different. He could feel it.
Cas wasn’t going to say anything about his hunch, or push his luck, the last thing he needed was a fist in the face if he was wrong. He couldn’t go through that again.
What he could do was be patient and give Dean time to figure things out.
Cas threw Dean the life preserver he needed, because his friend was clearly drowning. “You’ve got a lot on your mind. I know. It’s okay.” Cas tried to ignore his pounding heart that kept trying to leap from his chest. “I get it.”
The look of relief on Dean‘s face was staggering. “Thanks,” Dean breathed while rubbing at his jaw.
The former angel nodded then swallowed two ibuprofen of his own. He couldn’t stop himself from wishing it was something else. After that conversation, he could certainly use a hit of…anything.
Dean’s hands fell away from his face and he asked, “Still got that headache?” his tone was too casual.
It seemed they were definitely changing the subject. That was fine with Cas.
Cas answered truthfully. “Yes, but it‘s better.”
“Good,” Dean’s eyes were filled with sincerity.
Cas sat up straight, ignoring the slight flutter of his heart. “I’m going to get that water now, you want some?”
“That’d be great,” Dean smiled and he seemed to be relaxed. “Hey, where does all the water come from anyway?” Dean blurted.
Cas couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to make sure the conversation kept to easier subject matter. But Dean hadn’t arrived here that long ago, and there was a lot he still didn’t know about their way of life. Cas gave him the run down. “Some of it’s bottled-like what we found on our trip to Kansas, some of it’s rain water we collected, and there’s a creek that runs through the forest at the back of the camp. It’s one of the reasons we settled here. You can’t drink it without boiling the hell out of it, but it’s great for taking a bath,” Cas couldn’t stop the shimmer of pleasure that ran up and down his spine as he pictured Dean standing in that stream wearing nothing but his birthday suit.
Dean licked his lips, then looked away. “Smart,” he said, his voice a bit hoarse.
“It‘s definitely handy,” Cas replied while kicking the covers off, eager to get out of the bed before his dick decided to wake up even more than it already had. “It keeps us in pretty good supply.” He stood up stretching his arms above his head and groaning with pleasure. He could feel Dean watching him again. Despite their conversation, the look still made his skin tingle with pleasure.
He started for the kitchen, he could feel Dean‘s eyes following him until he rounded the corner.
Cas really wished he knew what was going on in that head of his. The man was going to make him insane.
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