Fic: Supernatural: Dean/Future Cas: The Long Road Back: (14/28)
I've been trying to post this for a few days now-LJ is so annoying right now.
Back to the present-future you know what I mean.
Special thank you to weslyn For helping me a lot on understanding addiction, and for being an awesome beta.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R (maybe NC-17 later to be safe)
Chapters: 14/28 (i'm still doing a lot of editing so this might change a bit)
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, eventual slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 2369 (45,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight
Chapter Two Chapter Nine
Chapter Three Chapter Ten
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Seven
Present Day
“Now you know everything,” Cas’s voice was raw with pain.
Words jammed in Dean‘s throat. He hadn’t expected Cas to tell him so much. It was a lot to take in but one thing was for sure, he’d never hated his future self more.
Dean swallowed and tried to process it all.
Cas mistook his silence for rejection, “Having second thoughts about hanging out with me? I don’t blame you. Most days I can’t stand myself.”
Dean felt nauseous. “Of course not. I’m just-you threw a lot at me there.” Dean smiled warmly trying to put his friend at ease.
Cas didn’t look his way.
“Bobby always was a stubborn son of a bitch,” Dean said softly.
That got him a small, shaky smile. “Yeah. He was,” Cas managed.
“Cas. You were in an impossible situation,“ Dean said, squirming in his seat, fingers digging into the armrests. Talking about Bobby dying was not something he wanted to do. “He went out fighting in his own home. He died saving you. He choose his death, Cas. You honored him by respecting it. ” Dean‘s mouth went dry as he imagined Cas having to make the decision to leave Bobby behind. He didn‘t know what he would have done if he‘d been in that situation-but he had a feeling nothing would have changed. If there had been a way to save Bobby, Cas would have found it. “You did the right thing.”
“You mean that?” he could hear the doubt in Cas’s voice.
“I do,” Dean hoped he was getting through, that he could repair some of the emotional damage the asshole version of himself had inflicted. It might take more time than he had, Cas had told him another week, he was going to have to step up his game.
“Thank you,” Cas’s voice was laced with soft sobs, but it also held a trace of relief. His shoulders were tense, and his knuckles were white as they gripped the steering wheel.
Dean reached out and lightly rested his hand on top of Cas’s clenched one. Cas glanced at him, but his fingers didn’t release their death grip on the wheel.
“You want me to drive for awhile?” Dean tried.
“No. I’m good,” his voice was carefully controlled.
Dean pulled his hand away and debated. He wanted to push, he needed to push, but he decided to back off about Bobby for now. However, something inside Dean nudged him to keep talking. More needed to be said and he wasn’t going to get a better opportunity than this moment.
“I don’t think Bizzaro Dean blamed you, Cas.” Dean paused and took a deep breath. “No matter how much he may have acted like it.”
Cas tensed.
Dean pressed on. “I think he blamed himself and he lashed out at you,” Dean coughed. He really hated sharing. “It’s something I might do when I’m…angry with myself.”
Cas looked surprised.
“Trust me on this. He blamed himself. I would have. I-he should have been there and he knew it. You were right.”
Cas let out a breath that Dean was pretty damn sure he’d been holding for two years.
“Better?” Dean asked.
Cas smiled a bit and wiped his eyes. “No-but I’m getting there.”
“That’s my boy.” Dean put his good leg up on the dash and let out his own breath.
Cas’s eyes got too bright again. “I wish I’d had you around sooner.”
They drove in comfortable silence for another mile. Dean’s mind still reeled with everything he’d learned. There was one more thing he needed to know.
“So,” Dean started casually. “This Mike guy. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”
Cas shook his head. “And you never will.”
“Oh. Sorry,” Dean tried for sympathetic, but it sounded forced even to his ears.
“Bizzaro Dean blew his brains out.” Cas hesitated, his face uncertain. “He said he was infected. I wasn’t there; it was after a raid some time ago.”
Dean cringed. He couldn’t help but wonder if his future self had gotten wind of Mike introducing Cas to drugs and had reacted badly.
Judging by the look on his friends face, he couldn‘t either.
****
In the daylight, Dean could see how tired his friend was. Cas had dark circles under his eyes, and they were bloodshot. His skin was still too pale, and he couldn’t help but notice the sweat stains on his shirt. The raid had taken the better part of three days.
As they approached the camp Cas told him, “Bobby used to stay with me whenever he visited here," Cas paused-talking about Bobby was obviously difficult. “I’ve kept his bottle of whiskey under my bed.”
Dean nodded, unsure where Cas was going with this.
“I couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I just… kept it.” Cas rubbed one palm on his pant leg. “I was thinking later tonight, we could share it.”
Dean felt several conflicting emotions start bouncing back and forth in his brain. He‘d love to toast Bobby. Hell, he‘d love a drink period, but Cas had a drug problem that had all started with excessive drinking. However, Cas did need closure, they both did. Maybe just a little would be okay.
Cas must have noticed his internal dilemma because he smiled ruefully and said, “Perhaps you‘d rather you do all of the drinking and I make the toast,” his eyes were playful.
Something was different about Cas; despite the lingering signs of fatigue and withdrawal, he looked just a tiny bit lighter. Dean felt a small sense of accomplishment. He liked seeing this side of Cas.
“I have a better idea. Why don’t we bury it.” Dean tried.
Cas’s eyes widened, then his face softened. “I like that.”
Dean nodded and flashed one of his charming smiles at Cas.
Cas gave him an assessing look.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Cas shrugged and gave him a coy glance from under his lashes. It did something funny to Dean’s stomach; it wasn’t a bad feeling just… unexpected.
Dean looked away as Cas parked the truck. Risa pulled up alongside them.
Dean opened his door, and felt a blast of hot air against his skin.
“I’ll come over and help you out,” Cas said while opening his own door.
Dean nodded and leaned his head back.
Mark and Risa emerged from their vehicle looking just as tired and dirty as Dean felt.
“I’m going to sleep for a week,” Mark yawned while stretching his arms over his head.
Dean thought that sounded like heaven. Cas came over to the passenger side, Dean leaned on him a bit, and got out. Cas walked with Dean to the other side of the beat up old pick-up truck and rested him against it.
“I’ll be right back. I‘m going to get some help. ” Cas gave his own yawn and started to leave.
“Hurry back,” Dean drawled, leaning against the hot metal of the rusty truck. “Remember, I might need you to carry me.”
Cas paused, turned, flashed him a grin that got Dean’s blood pumping. “I’ll make it quick.”
Dean watched him jog off.
Risa coughed. Mark whistled.
Dean sent them a glare while they struggled not to laugh.
“You two got something to say?”
Mark and Risa exchanged an amused look. “Nope,” they said in unison.
“I thought so,“ Dean smirked. Another gust of wind hit him in the face, he closed his eyes.
Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. His eyes flew open. He heard a rustling sound from the trees behind them. Then the cocking of a hand gun. Mark and Risa got looks of horror on their faces.
Shit.
“I see you and Cas are getting pretty freaking friendly-I never figured us for swinging that way,” a very familiar voice hissed. There was a faint trace of something that sounded a hell of a lot like jealousy.
Dean slowly turned to face his assailant.
“Hey me,” he forced a cheerful grin, electing to ignore his counterparts jab about Cas. “How’s it going?”
Those hard eyes burned into his. “Always a wiseass.”
“You know me,” Dean tried to keep calm. “I see you escaped.”
“You should have known I would.”
“Yeah, I really should have.” Deans leg was starting to burn.
Keep him talking. “What did you do to the men guarding you?”
“Knocked them out- what you think I just go around killing for the hell of it?” he sneered.
Dean sighed mentally: at least he hadn’t killed them. On the outside he kept his cool.
“Do you have any idea what you did?” his alter ego continued.
Dean struggled to follow his counterparts insane line of thought as he blurted: “What I did?” Dean felt anger mixed with confusion flare. “What about what you did to these people?” He gestured towards Risa and Mark. “What about what you did to Cas?”
He saw a shimmer of regret and something else unidentifiable cross over his future self’s face. “Cas was better off hating me,” his eyes brightened, and his fist was clenched so tightly his knuckles shone white.
There was something about this Dean’s expression, the tone of his voice, the way he’d said Cas’s name. Dean had a hunch and he acted on it.
“You liked it when Cas kissed you, didn‘t you?” He met those hard eyes and didn’t blink.
Bizzaro Dean’s eyes scrunched and his lips twitched. “You’re nuts.”
It sucked knowing yourself so well. He was lying.
“I think you did. It makes sense. You didn’t punch him to save face-you could have just pulled away, or even pushed him off. Instead you freaked out and decked him. You lost control. I can only think of one reason you’d do that,” Dean paused letting his words sink in. “You felt something.”
Just like I might be starting to, Dean couldn’t stop the thought from surfacing.
His future self’s eyes darted back and forth, he looked like a rat stuck in a maze, not sure which way to go to find escape. “Fuck you,” he spat.
Great Dean, now you just pissed him off more. Probably should stop while you’re ahead. Nah.
Not to mention he needed to try and stall. The longer he kept this Dean talking, the longer he kept breathing.
Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Guess I just got my answer. I never go for the f-bomb unless I’m really at a loss for words.” That wasn’t true, but it sure as hell sounded good.
His distorted reflection’s dark eyes flared and he inched closer, the gun suddenly seemed a hell of a lot bigger. “Enough!” he shouted loud enough to make Dean’s ears ring. “You still don’t get it do you?”
“Enlighten me,” Dean kept his voice light.
Dean thought about going for the gun, but he could barely put any weight on his bum leg, and knowing his evil twin, he’d be expecting it, and he wasn’t handicapped. Dean decided to try and talk him down, he was still him after all. There had to be something left that still cared. He’d seen a glimpse of it only moments ago.
“You ruined our only chance to save Sam.”
So that’s what this was about.
“Save him?” he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. “I thought you were going to kill him. That was the plan right? Use your friends as a distraction, then go and shoot the devil in the head.”
“Shooting him would have been a release. Our brother is trapped in there with Lucifer!” The gun started to shake - his voice right along with it.
Dean put his hands up. “Okay man. I’m sorry. I unders-”
“You don’t understand anything,” his voice was low and menacing. “You aren’t the one who’s had to live with the knowledge that our brother is out there, trapped. All because I abandoned him. For years I’ve lived with this. Then you show up, acting like you’re better than me.”
Dean kept his voice soothing. “Listen to me. You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like, but don’t you see? This is a second chance. If I get back, I can change things. I can stop Sam from ever saying yes. I promise I’ll do everything I can to save him, but I can’t do that if I’m dead.”
For just a second, he saw a trace of his former self in those crazed eyes. Then it was gone. “Give me the colt.”
That wasn‘t going to happen, for one he didn‘t have the colt on him. He and Cas had hid it underneath the floorboards of his cabin. For two, he wasn‘t going to part with their only real weapon against Satan.
“Why? What are you going to do? Go on a one-man suicide mission to find the devil. You’d never make it.”
He saw a glint of something in his those broken eyes and suddenly Dean understood. His future self had given up on everything. Saving Sam, having something with Cas, living a life, period. He had nothing left.
“You were never planning on surviving this. You wanted to die. You’re checking out and you just figured you‘d take Cas, and the others along for the ride? Put them out of their misery?” The rage that had been building reached its boiling point. “This was never about killing the devil. You knew your plan would probably fail. You were hoping it would. Then you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt anymore. You’re mad at me because I ruined your suicide attempt. You’re the one who’s abandoning Sam, not me!”
His alter ego stepped closer and pressed the barrel of the gun to Dean’s forehead.
In that moment, Dean knew two things:
One. He was right; Bizzaro Dean’s expression told him that.
Two. He was going to die.
There was no getting out of this, he was about to be shot in the head by himself. There had to be some joke in this somewhere. Too bad he couldn’t think of one.
Dean closed his eyes, and wished he could have buried that bottle with Cas.
The sound of gunfire pierced the silence.
Next Chapter
Feel free to friend this journal for the insanity :)
Comments are loved and adored. It's nice to know people are reading/enjoying this :)
Back to the present-future you know what I mean.
Special thank you to weslyn For helping me a lot on understanding addiction, and for being an awesome beta.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: R (maybe NC-17 later to be safe)
Chapters: 14/28 (i'm still doing a lot of editing so this might change a bit)
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, eventual slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 2369 (45,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight
Chapter Two Chapter Nine
Chapter Three Chapter Ten
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Seven
Present Day
“Now you know everything,” Cas’s voice was raw with pain.
Words jammed in Dean‘s throat. He hadn’t expected Cas to tell him so much. It was a lot to take in but one thing was for sure, he’d never hated his future self more.
Dean swallowed and tried to process it all.
Cas mistook his silence for rejection, “Having second thoughts about hanging out with me? I don’t blame you. Most days I can’t stand myself.”
Dean felt nauseous. “Of course not. I’m just-you threw a lot at me there.” Dean smiled warmly trying to put his friend at ease.
Cas didn’t look his way.
“Bobby always was a stubborn son of a bitch,” Dean said softly.
That got him a small, shaky smile. “Yeah. He was,” Cas managed.
“Cas. You were in an impossible situation,“ Dean said, squirming in his seat, fingers digging into the armrests. Talking about Bobby dying was not something he wanted to do. “He went out fighting in his own home. He died saving you. He choose his death, Cas. You honored him by respecting it. ” Dean‘s mouth went dry as he imagined Cas having to make the decision to leave Bobby behind. He didn‘t know what he would have done if he‘d been in that situation-but he had a feeling nothing would have changed. If there had been a way to save Bobby, Cas would have found it. “You did the right thing.”
“You mean that?” he could hear the doubt in Cas’s voice.
“I do,” Dean hoped he was getting through, that he could repair some of the emotional damage the asshole version of himself had inflicted. It might take more time than he had, Cas had told him another week, he was going to have to step up his game.
“Thank you,” Cas’s voice was laced with soft sobs, but it also held a trace of relief. His shoulders were tense, and his knuckles were white as they gripped the steering wheel.
Dean reached out and lightly rested his hand on top of Cas’s clenched one. Cas glanced at him, but his fingers didn’t release their death grip on the wheel.
“You want me to drive for awhile?” Dean tried.
“No. I’m good,” his voice was carefully controlled.
Dean pulled his hand away and debated. He wanted to push, he needed to push, but he decided to back off about Bobby for now. However, something inside Dean nudged him to keep talking. More needed to be said and he wasn’t going to get a better opportunity than this moment.
“I don’t think Bizzaro Dean blamed you, Cas.” Dean paused and took a deep breath. “No matter how much he may have acted like it.”
Cas tensed.
Dean pressed on. “I think he blamed himself and he lashed out at you,” Dean coughed. He really hated sharing. “It’s something I might do when I’m…angry with myself.”
Cas looked surprised.
“Trust me on this. He blamed himself. I would have. I-he should have been there and he knew it. You were right.”
Cas let out a breath that Dean was pretty damn sure he’d been holding for two years.
“Better?” Dean asked.
Cas smiled a bit and wiped his eyes. “No-but I’m getting there.”
“That’s my boy.” Dean put his good leg up on the dash and let out his own breath.
Cas’s eyes got too bright again. “I wish I’d had you around sooner.”
They drove in comfortable silence for another mile. Dean’s mind still reeled with everything he’d learned. There was one more thing he needed to know.
“So,” Dean started casually. “This Mike guy. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”
Cas shook his head. “And you never will.”
“Oh. Sorry,” Dean tried for sympathetic, but it sounded forced even to his ears.
“Bizzaro Dean blew his brains out.” Cas hesitated, his face uncertain. “He said he was infected. I wasn’t there; it was after a raid some time ago.”
Dean cringed. He couldn’t help but wonder if his future self had gotten wind of Mike introducing Cas to drugs and had reacted badly.
Judging by the look on his friends face, he couldn‘t either.
****
In the daylight, Dean could see how tired his friend was. Cas had dark circles under his eyes, and they were bloodshot. His skin was still too pale, and he couldn’t help but notice the sweat stains on his shirt. The raid had taken the better part of three days.
As they approached the camp Cas told him, “Bobby used to stay with me whenever he visited here," Cas paused-talking about Bobby was obviously difficult. “I’ve kept his bottle of whiskey under my bed.”
Dean nodded, unsure where Cas was going with this.
“I couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I just… kept it.” Cas rubbed one palm on his pant leg. “I was thinking later tonight, we could share it.”
Dean felt several conflicting emotions start bouncing back and forth in his brain. He‘d love to toast Bobby. Hell, he‘d love a drink period, but Cas had a drug problem that had all started with excessive drinking. However, Cas did need closure, they both did. Maybe just a little would be okay.
Cas must have noticed his internal dilemma because he smiled ruefully and said, “Perhaps you‘d rather you do all of the drinking and I make the toast,” his eyes were playful.
Something was different about Cas; despite the lingering signs of fatigue and withdrawal, he looked just a tiny bit lighter. Dean felt a small sense of accomplishment. He liked seeing this side of Cas.
“I have a better idea. Why don’t we bury it.” Dean tried.
Cas’s eyes widened, then his face softened. “I like that.”
Dean nodded and flashed one of his charming smiles at Cas.
Cas gave him an assessing look.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Cas shrugged and gave him a coy glance from under his lashes. It did something funny to Dean’s stomach; it wasn’t a bad feeling just… unexpected.
Dean looked away as Cas parked the truck. Risa pulled up alongside them.
Dean opened his door, and felt a blast of hot air against his skin.
“I’ll come over and help you out,” Cas said while opening his own door.
Dean nodded and leaned his head back.
Mark and Risa emerged from their vehicle looking just as tired and dirty as Dean felt.
“I’m going to sleep for a week,” Mark yawned while stretching his arms over his head.
Dean thought that sounded like heaven. Cas came over to the passenger side, Dean leaned on him a bit, and got out. Cas walked with Dean to the other side of the beat up old pick-up truck and rested him against it.
“I’ll be right back. I‘m going to get some help. ” Cas gave his own yawn and started to leave.
“Hurry back,” Dean drawled, leaning against the hot metal of the rusty truck. “Remember, I might need you to carry me.”
Cas paused, turned, flashed him a grin that got Dean’s blood pumping. “I’ll make it quick.”
Dean watched him jog off.
Risa coughed. Mark whistled.
Dean sent them a glare while they struggled not to laugh.
“You two got something to say?”
Mark and Risa exchanged an amused look. “Nope,” they said in unison.
“I thought so,“ Dean smirked. Another gust of wind hit him in the face, he closed his eyes.
Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. His eyes flew open. He heard a rustling sound from the trees behind them. Then the cocking of a hand gun. Mark and Risa got looks of horror on their faces.
Shit.
“I see you and Cas are getting pretty freaking friendly-I never figured us for swinging that way,” a very familiar voice hissed. There was a faint trace of something that sounded a hell of a lot like jealousy.
Dean slowly turned to face his assailant.
“Hey me,” he forced a cheerful grin, electing to ignore his counterparts jab about Cas. “How’s it going?”
Those hard eyes burned into his. “Always a wiseass.”
“You know me,” Dean tried to keep calm. “I see you escaped.”
“You should have known I would.”
“Yeah, I really should have.” Deans leg was starting to burn.
Keep him talking. “What did you do to the men guarding you?”
“Knocked them out- what you think I just go around killing for the hell of it?” he sneered.
Dean sighed mentally: at least he hadn’t killed them. On the outside he kept his cool.
“Do you have any idea what you did?” his alter ego continued.
Dean struggled to follow his counterparts insane line of thought as he blurted: “What I did?” Dean felt anger mixed with confusion flare. “What about what you did to these people?” He gestured towards Risa and Mark. “What about what you did to Cas?”
He saw a shimmer of regret and something else unidentifiable cross over his future self’s face. “Cas was better off hating me,” his eyes brightened, and his fist was clenched so tightly his knuckles shone white.
There was something about this Dean’s expression, the tone of his voice, the way he’d said Cas’s name. Dean had a hunch and he acted on it.
“You liked it when Cas kissed you, didn‘t you?” He met those hard eyes and didn’t blink.
Bizzaro Dean’s eyes scrunched and his lips twitched. “You’re nuts.”
It sucked knowing yourself so well. He was lying.
“I think you did. It makes sense. You didn’t punch him to save face-you could have just pulled away, or even pushed him off. Instead you freaked out and decked him. You lost control. I can only think of one reason you’d do that,” Dean paused letting his words sink in. “You felt something.”
Just like I might be starting to, Dean couldn’t stop the thought from surfacing.
His future self’s eyes darted back and forth, he looked like a rat stuck in a maze, not sure which way to go to find escape. “Fuck you,” he spat.
Great Dean, now you just pissed him off more. Probably should stop while you’re ahead. Nah.
Not to mention he needed to try and stall. The longer he kept this Dean talking, the longer he kept breathing.
Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Guess I just got my answer. I never go for the f-bomb unless I’m really at a loss for words.” That wasn’t true, but it sure as hell sounded good.
His distorted reflection’s dark eyes flared and he inched closer, the gun suddenly seemed a hell of a lot bigger. “Enough!” he shouted loud enough to make Dean’s ears ring. “You still don’t get it do you?”
“Enlighten me,” Dean kept his voice light.
Dean thought about going for the gun, but he could barely put any weight on his bum leg, and knowing his evil twin, he’d be expecting it, and he wasn’t handicapped. Dean decided to try and talk him down, he was still him after all. There had to be something left that still cared. He’d seen a glimpse of it only moments ago.
“You ruined our only chance to save Sam.”
So that’s what this was about.
“Save him?” he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. “I thought you were going to kill him. That was the plan right? Use your friends as a distraction, then go and shoot the devil in the head.”
“Shooting him would have been a release. Our brother is trapped in there with Lucifer!” The gun started to shake - his voice right along with it.
Dean put his hands up. “Okay man. I’m sorry. I unders-”
“You don’t understand anything,” his voice was low and menacing. “You aren’t the one who’s had to live with the knowledge that our brother is out there, trapped. All because I abandoned him. For years I’ve lived with this. Then you show up, acting like you’re better than me.”
Dean kept his voice soothing. “Listen to me. You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like, but don’t you see? This is a second chance. If I get back, I can change things. I can stop Sam from ever saying yes. I promise I’ll do everything I can to save him, but I can’t do that if I’m dead.”
For just a second, he saw a trace of his former self in those crazed eyes. Then it was gone. “Give me the colt.”
That wasn‘t going to happen, for one he didn‘t have the colt on him. He and Cas had hid it underneath the floorboards of his cabin. For two, he wasn‘t going to part with their only real weapon against Satan.
“Why? What are you going to do? Go on a one-man suicide mission to find the devil. You’d never make it.”
He saw a glint of something in his those broken eyes and suddenly Dean understood. His future self had given up on everything. Saving Sam, having something with Cas, living a life, period. He had nothing left.
“You were never planning on surviving this. You wanted to die. You’re checking out and you just figured you‘d take Cas, and the others along for the ride? Put them out of their misery?” The rage that had been building reached its boiling point. “This was never about killing the devil. You knew your plan would probably fail. You were hoping it would. Then you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt anymore. You’re mad at me because I ruined your suicide attempt. You’re the one who’s abandoning Sam, not me!”
His alter ego stepped closer and pressed the barrel of the gun to Dean’s forehead.
In that moment, Dean knew two things:
One. He was right; Bizzaro Dean’s expression told him that.
Two. He was going to die.
There was no getting out of this, he was about to be shot in the head by himself. There had to be some joke in this somewhere. Too bad he couldn’t think of one.
Dean closed his eyes, and wished he could have buried that bottle with Cas.
The sound of gunfire pierced the silence.
Next Chapter
Feel free to friend this journal for the insanity :)
Comments are loved and adored. It's nice to know people are reading/enjoying this :)