thinking
I havent writen in so long and I was dying to just pour my soul out..all of my questions...and it felt great...everything I had to spit out I said..and I didnt have to resrict myself to a certain format, or make it rhyme...I just wrote..and it was so...liberating..but I still feel a little peice of my heart is missing...here goes my latest:
So I got to thinking about how naïve we are. We fool ourselves into thinking people feel a certain way about us when clearly their actions indicate otherwise. A true love is one who will care for us and understand us even though we may seem exasperating at times. They won’t blow up in your face on account of your reservations and qualms.
You see, when someone says “if you really loved me, you would trust me,” they manipulate you and try to impose guilt, which is a sure indicator that they themselves may not really genuinely love you; especially if they are trying to backfire remorse onto you.
Love is so complicated. Why do people engage in relationships when they don’t truly love you? Is it purely sex? Why travel a thousand miles-hypothetically speaking-when they can get it anywhere else?
Maybe it is just sex. Maybe now we are using each other for sex and simply justifying it by using words we associate with love and deeper feelings. But then, what about when it’s not about sex? Is the lack thereof reason to doubt you really love someone or stop seeing them? What is happening to true love, respect and integrity?
I found that the one time I truly put myself out there and trusted a man enough so that I could let go of my sexual reservations, I wound up hurt, feeling cheap, like I gave him all of me, including my dignity and ever drop of purity I had left. Now what? I’m just another promiscuous young college girl; a statistic. I’m not a good girl anymore…at least, I don’t feel like one. I feel cheated…is it my fault though...for being so naïve and credulous despite my better nature? For falling in love? As I told a good friend of mine, te getting over it phase would have been alot easier had he been an asshole. But he didnt seem like one.
What happened? What truly happened? Was it not real? And if it was, what drove love away…was I too easy? Insecure? Or--despite my suspicions-- was I simply the best girl I could be; the most caring, compassionate, sincere and loving girlfriend he would ever have?
So I got to thinking about how naïve we are. We fool ourselves into thinking people feel a certain way about us when clearly their actions indicate otherwise. A true love is one who will care for us and understand us even though we may seem exasperating at times. They won’t blow up in your face on account of your reservations and qualms.
You see, when someone says “if you really loved me, you would trust me,” they manipulate you and try to impose guilt, which is a sure indicator that they themselves may not really genuinely love you; especially if they are trying to backfire remorse onto you.
Love is so complicated. Why do people engage in relationships when they don’t truly love you? Is it purely sex? Why travel a thousand miles-hypothetically speaking-when they can get it anywhere else?
Maybe it is just sex. Maybe now we are using each other for sex and simply justifying it by using words we associate with love and deeper feelings. But then, what about when it’s not about sex? Is the lack thereof reason to doubt you really love someone or stop seeing them? What is happening to true love, respect and integrity?
I found that the one time I truly put myself out there and trusted a man enough so that I could let go of my sexual reservations, I wound up hurt, feeling cheap, like I gave him all of me, including my dignity and ever drop of purity I had left. Now what? I’m just another promiscuous young college girl; a statistic. I’m not a good girl anymore…at least, I don’t feel like one. I feel cheated…is it my fault though...for being so naïve and credulous despite my better nature? For falling in love? As I told a good friend of mine, te getting over it phase would have been alot easier had he been an asshole. But he didnt seem like one.
What happened? What truly happened? Was it not real? And if it was, what drove love away…was I too easy? Insecure? Or--despite my suspicions-- was I simply the best girl I could be; the most caring, compassionate, sincere and loving girlfriend he would ever have?