Year and a half in review
Reflecting on the past 18 months or so, I can only sit in dumbfounded silence trying to sort out all that has happened and how much things have changed. There have been a few life changing brights spots, namely the birth of Alexa. Her being is truly one of the most joyous and affirming aspects of my life. I never really understood before how much having a kid could make someone happy, but even the mere thought of seeing her smile makes me grin from ear to ear. Seeing her grow and learn so quickly only excites me more. It gives me the drive to get up day in and day out, which is good, because, honestly, there are few other reasons.
Back in July, 2010 or thereabouts I met someone through a friend. We clicked immediately and became fairly close very fast, even though there was considerable physical distance between us. At the time I thought I was on top of my game... great job, great wife, daughter on the way and now another awesome lover/girlfriend who really got me.
August 31st, 2010. I lose my job. I had worked for Case since I was a student, and put over a decade of dedication, care and devotion in the work I did. While I did get a decent severance package, it means I had to go on unemployment, causing my soon to be growing family to take a 40% to 45% pay cut.
September, 2010: Jodie and I travel to visit the new love of my life and spend a wonderful week both spending time with her, our other friends and each other, trying to get in "one last hurrah" before Alexa arrives.
Winter, 2010: Jodie and I, after discussion, work with the new girlfriend to have her and her husband move down to Cleveland, in the hopes that they can find new opportunity and that she and I can spend more time together. In retrospect I realize how foolish and naive this idea was, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and I was overjoyed at the prospect.
December 25th: My sister and her fiance are in from California in order to spend Christmas with my parents and, I presumed I. She uninvited me from my parent's Christmas dinner and refused to even accept a brief visit and a Christmas card from me. Jodie and I sit at home, spending hours sobbing and being depressed. Jodie's contractions start.
December 26th, 2010: Alexa Eris is born, a day after Christmas. My sister and her beau are back in California, and the previous days ill fortune are tempered by the joy of Alexa's birth.
Spring, 2011: Jodie and I continue to make preparations for my lover and her husband's move to Cleveland. I am collecting unemployment and am trying to take care of Alexa by myself while Jodie transitions back to work. It's tough, and by March or so I just can't handle it by myself and Alexa is put into day care. My unemployment is still enough to cover that, though, and the hope is that I can spend time on Notacon and Nerd's Nook.
April, 2011: The new lover and her husband move down literally the day before Notacon. For those that don't understand, this is likely one of the most stressful times of the entire year. Not only is there a lot of work to do, but a lot of money (that we don't really have) is riding on making sure the event is a success. Failure means severe financial consequences for Jodie and I.
Late April, 2011: Notacon was a huge success, the new store (Nerd's Nook) is still struggling. Things with the new lover seem to be going well, but it is challenging because of all of the elements in play: new situation, us being housemates, Alexa as well as her own problems (her deteriorating marriage, financial issues and personal psychological problems). Trying to do anything "right" seems difficult.
May, 2011: My new lover starts dating and starts intimating she wants to get into a serious relationship with a friend and former housemate. I have some reservations, but feel that if we slow things down, talk them out and figure them out everything can be resolved.
The day before Memorial Day, 2011: The lover and go on what I thought was a good date, complete with awesome Indian buffet. Some physical hanky-panky ensures, and we part ways happy to do other things the rest of the day.
Memorial Day, 2011: Jodie and I spent time cleaning and prepping the house for a holiday barbeque. My lover's new boyfriend, his housemate and 12 of their friends (including people whom I was also friends with) storm the house with a U-Haul. They claim that my lover claimed the previous night that I sexually assaulted her. I stand in my driveway, guests on my back deck, stunned. This is completely false. Untrue. I have no idea how to respond, though, and try to get back to my gathering all while over a dozen people move my now ex-lover and her husband's belongings out of our attic and into her new boyfriend's house.
I spend the next few months wondering what the fucked happened and how things got to where there were. The rhetoric online heats up and I am falsely labeled as a rapist and the like. I find out later the original allegations were made while my ex was allegedly under the influence of alcohol. I also find that her own manipulative and abusive husband was one of the motivators behind it. Regardless, I don't know how to deal or even address it. How can I try to prove that something DID NOT happen?
Summer, 2011: I spend a lot of time at home, afraid to leave and afraid of my own safety. I do not trust a lot of the people that were involved and lost what I thought were good friends.
September, 2011: I manage to finally find full-time employment at a position I thought would be perfect for my skillset and knowledge of academia. The pay isn't bad, either.
Late September, 2011: The job turns out to be one of the biggest scams I have ever witnessed and managed by unscrupulous and immoral people, all of whom are all members of the same immediate family. I could deal with some of that, honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I knew after four weeks of requests that I would not receive any of the resources necessary to actually, you know, do my job. On top of that, I could sense a very palpable disregard for most of the employees, 85% of whom were living and working in India. I was, in fact, working in an Indian sweatshop, and selling the product for American wages. At times, they were charging $250 and hour for a guy who only made $8.50 an hour. On top of that, I saw them routinely work them 24 hours straight, with 3 hour breaks.
So I left. Politely, but sternly. While it was a difficult decision, I felt it was the right one. I walk out of the door fearful but confident.
October, 2011. I learn that because I was only at the job for 4 weeks I am no longer allowed to collect unemployment under my previous claim. This now means that since August, 2010 the family income is now around 60% lower than what it was. Financially, we're pretty screwed.
Fall, 2011: I spend a lot of time trying to promote Nerd's Nook, which has some measure of success. I'm at least able to make enough to make sure Notacon doesn't need to borrow money from the personal Schneider coffers. Our emergency savings is half of what it was a year previously.
Early November, 2011: I wake up on morning to severe pain in my right flank. and blood coming out of my urine. The pain was excruciating. I head to the doctor on the first appointment. They assess me, I start throwing up, and am immediately thrown in an ambulance and on my way to the hospital. After a quick CT scan and tests, they determine there is a large mass about the size of a baseball (6.5 cm x 6.5cm or so) attached to my right kidney. They admit me to the hospital, where I spend the next 3 days on large amounts of dialauded and antibiotics.
A week later, I am in the hospital again with more pain and blood in my urine, another CT scan indicates the mass is still about the same size. I am sent home once the pain subsides and told to continue my antibiotic treatment and prescribed percocet to deal with the intermittent pain.
Late December, 2011: A 6 week follow-up CT scan shows that the mass is still there. I consult with an urologist. He tells me that the mass needs to be removed. Soon. He sends me to a colleague at the Cleveland Clinic for a second opinion, who might be able to operate on it laparoscopically.
I meet with the urologist at the Clinic. He calmly tells me his experiences with similar masses, that we do need to remove it and that there's a 50% to 70% change that it's "malignant", based on the size and shape. He confirms that malignant means cancer. Unfortunately, there's no way to know for sure without actually taking it out. Doing a biopsy might spread whatever it is, and if it is cancer, having those cancer cells flowing all around my torso.
So the decision is made to remove the mass and 50% of my right kidney. He strongly wants to try to save what's left of the right kidney since there is a likelihood this could happen, again, to my left kidney. There is a good chance, though, that the operation will completely cure me of what's been happening.
So now I sit hours before the stroke of Midnight with surgery pending on January 19th, 2012. I will be in the hospital for probably 3 to 4 days. I will be disallowed from lifting anything or working for another 5 or 6 weeks.
The implication of this is that I have not and will not be able to seek employment until around the middle of March, while the household hemorrhages money. We have done considerably good work reducing our expenses, and I've spent a lot of time cooking more at home, which is undeniably a great thing for our family as a whole. Unfortunately there's not much more to cut without just not paying certain bills.
I'm trying to be positive and optimistic about the future, and I do have things to be thankful for, such as my fantastic family. But it's tough. I cry. A lot. and have way too much time to sit and stew over things. It's hard not to feel like a burden. Jodie has been incredibly supportive, though, and I admire her strength and cherish the love she continues to show me.
I try to focus on the positive, I've been controlling my food and calorie intake, and have lost about 50 pounds thus far, so that's something. Notacon 9 looks like it will be another awesome success, although still financially challenging.
So or 2012, I hope things take a turn for the better and am trying to take a hand in making them happen. I am not one to ask for help and honestly don't even know how, but here are things that would make my life better:
- Continue to be the awesome friend you are
- Spread the word about Notacon, and encourage your friends to submit proposals and register
- If you need to buy nerdy stuff, see if I had it at the Nerd's Nook. Tell your friends
- If you know of a company that might be interested in sponsoring Notacon, please let me know so I can contact them.
Finally, if Jodie needs anything, please help her out. She supports me and has to deal with an awful lot. We're in this together and she has taken on an incredible burden and will have to do more once I'm incapacitated in a few weeks.
I hope your new year is healthy and happy, take care.
Back in July, 2010 or thereabouts I met someone through a friend. We clicked immediately and became fairly close very fast, even though there was considerable physical distance between us. At the time I thought I was on top of my game... great job, great wife, daughter on the way and now another awesome lover/girlfriend who really got me.
August 31st, 2010. I lose my job. I had worked for Case since I was a student, and put over a decade of dedication, care and devotion in the work I did. While I did get a decent severance package, it means I had to go on unemployment, causing my soon to be growing family to take a 40% to 45% pay cut.
September, 2010: Jodie and I travel to visit the new love of my life and spend a wonderful week both spending time with her, our other friends and each other, trying to get in "one last hurrah" before Alexa arrives.
Winter, 2010: Jodie and I, after discussion, work with the new girlfriend to have her and her husband move down to Cleveland, in the hopes that they can find new opportunity and that she and I can spend more time together. In retrospect I realize how foolish and naive this idea was, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and I was overjoyed at the prospect.
December 25th: My sister and her fiance are in from California in order to spend Christmas with my parents and, I presumed I. She uninvited me from my parent's Christmas dinner and refused to even accept a brief visit and a Christmas card from me. Jodie and I sit at home, spending hours sobbing and being depressed. Jodie's contractions start.
December 26th, 2010: Alexa Eris is born, a day after Christmas. My sister and her beau are back in California, and the previous days ill fortune are tempered by the joy of Alexa's birth.
Spring, 2011: Jodie and I continue to make preparations for my lover and her husband's move to Cleveland. I am collecting unemployment and am trying to take care of Alexa by myself while Jodie transitions back to work. It's tough, and by March or so I just can't handle it by myself and Alexa is put into day care. My unemployment is still enough to cover that, though, and the hope is that I can spend time on Notacon and Nerd's Nook.
April, 2011: The new lover and her husband move down literally the day before Notacon. For those that don't understand, this is likely one of the most stressful times of the entire year. Not only is there a lot of work to do, but a lot of money (that we don't really have) is riding on making sure the event is a success. Failure means severe financial consequences for Jodie and I.
Late April, 2011: Notacon was a huge success, the new store (Nerd's Nook) is still struggling. Things with the new lover seem to be going well, but it is challenging because of all of the elements in play: new situation, us being housemates, Alexa as well as her own problems (her deteriorating marriage, financial issues and personal psychological problems). Trying to do anything "right" seems difficult.
May, 2011: My new lover starts dating and starts intimating she wants to get into a serious relationship with a friend and former housemate. I have some reservations, but feel that if we slow things down, talk them out and figure them out everything can be resolved.
The day before Memorial Day, 2011: The lover and go on what I thought was a good date, complete with awesome Indian buffet. Some physical hanky-panky ensures, and we part ways happy to do other things the rest of the day.
Memorial Day, 2011: Jodie and I spent time cleaning and prepping the house for a holiday barbeque. My lover's new boyfriend, his housemate and 12 of their friends (including people whom I was also friends with) storm the house with a U-Haul. They claim that my lover claimed the previous night that I sexually assaulted her. I stand in my driveway, guests on my back deck, stunned. This is completely false. Untrue. I have no idea how to respond, though, and try to get back to my gathering all while over a dozen people move my now ex-lover and her husband's belongings out of our attic and into her new boyfriend's house.
I spend the next few months wondering what the fucked happened and how things got to where there were. The rhetoric online heats up and I am falsely labeled as a rapist and the like. I find out later the original allegations were made while my ex was allegedly under the influence of alcohol. I also find that her own manipulative and abusive husband was one of the motivators behind it. Regardless, I don't know how to deal or even address it. How can I try to prove that something DID NOT happen?
Summer, 2011: I spend a lot of time at home, afraid to leave and afraid of my own safety. I do not trust a lot of the people that were involved and lost what I thought were good friends.
September, 2011: I manage to finally find full-time employment at a position I thought would be perfect for my skillset and knowledge of academia. The pay isn't bad, either.
Late September, 2011: The job turns out to be one of the biggest scams I have ever witnessed and managed by unscrupulous and immoral people, all of whom are all members of the same immediate family. I could deal with some of that, honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I knew after four weeks of requests that I would not receive any of the resources necessary to actually, you know, do my job. On top of that, I could sense a very palpable disregard for most of the employees, 85% of whom were living and working in India. I was, in fact, working in an Indian sweatshop, and selling the product for American wages. At times, they were charging $250 and hour for a guy who only made $8.50 an hour. On top of that, I saw them routinely work them 24 hours straight, with 3 hour breaks.
So I left. Politely, but sternly. While it was a difficult decision, I felt it was the right one. I walk out of the door fearful but confident.
October, 2011. I learn that because I was only at the job for 4 weeks I am no longer allowed to collect unemployment under my previous claim. This now means that since August, 2010 the family income is now around 60% lower than what it was. Financially, we're pretty screwed.
Fall, 2011: I spend a lot of time trying to promote Nerd's Nook, which has some measure of success. I'm at least able to make enough to make sure Notacon doesn't need to borrow money from the personal Schneider coffers. Our emergency savings is half of what it was a year previously.
Early November, 2011: I wake up on morning to severe pain in my right flank. and blood coming out of my urine. The pain was excruciating. I head to the doctor on the first appointment. They assess me, I start throwing up, and am immediately thrown in an ambulance and on my way to the hospital. After a quick CT scan and tests, they determine there is a large mass about the size of a baseball (6.5 cm x 6.5cm or so) attached to my right kidney. They admit me to the hospital, where I spend the next 3 days on large amounts of dialauded and antibiotics.
A week later, I am in the hospital again with more pain and blood in my urine, another CT scan indicates the mass is still about the same size. I am sent home once the pain subsides and told to continue my antibiotic treatment and prescribed percocet to deal with the intermittent pain.
Late December, 2011: A 6 week follow-up CT scan shows that the mass is still there. I consult with an urologist. He tells me that the mass needs to be removed. Soon. He sends me to a colleague at the Cleveland Clinic for a second opinion, who might be able to operate on it laparoscopically.
I meet with the urologist at the Clinic. He calmly tells me his experiences with similar masses, that we do need to remove it and that there's a 50% to 70% change that it's "malignant", based on the size and shape. He confirms that malignant means cancer. Unfortunately, there's no way to know for sure without actually taking it out. Doing a biopsy might spread whatever it is, and if it is cancer, having those cancer cells flowing all around my torso.
So the decision is made to remove the mass and 50% of my right kidney. He strongly wants to try to save what's left of the right kidney since there is a likelihood this could happen, again, to my left kidney. There is a good chance, though, that the operation will completely cure me of what's been happening.
So now I sit hours before the stroke of Midnight with surgery pending on January 19th, 2012. I will be in the hospital for probably 3 to 4 days. I will be disallowed from lifting anything or working for another 5 or 6 weeks.
The implication of this is that I have not and will not be able to seek employment until around the middle of March, while the household hemorrhages money. We have done considerably good work reducing our expenses, and I've spent a lot of time cooking more at home, which is undeniably a great thing for our family as a whole. Unfortunately there's not much more to cut without just not paying certain bills.
I'm trying to be positive and optimistic about the future, and I do have things to be thankful for, such as my fantastic family. But it's tough. I cry. A lot. and have way too much time to sit and stew over things. It's hard not to feel like a burden. Jodie has been incredibly supportive, though, and I admire her strength and cherish the love she continues to show me.
I try to focus on the positive, I've been controlling my food and calorie intake, and have lost about 50 pounds thus far, so that's something. Notacon 9 looks like it will be another awesome success, although still financially challenging.
So or 2012, I hope things take a turn for the better and am trying to take a hand in making them happen. I am not one to ask for help and honestly don't even know how, but here are things that would make my life better:
- Continue to be the awesome friend you are
- Spread the word about Notacon, and encourage your friends to submit proposals and register
- If you need to buy nerdy stuff, see if I had it at the Nerd's Nook. Tell your friends
- If you know of a company that might be interested in sponsoring Notacon, please let me know so I can contact them.
Finally, if Jodie needs anything, please help her out. She supports me and has to deal with an awful lot. We're in this together and she has taken on an incredible burden and will have to do more once I'm incapacitated in a few weeks.
I hope your new year is healthy and happy, take care.