230: Sin So Sweetly ~ KuronoMizu
Here is day to of Kaien/Rukia week. This is yet another High School AU. However, this one is different from the others I've so far features. No... we did have one other like this, but it isn't your typical High School AU either one of them.
Title: Sin So Sweetly (Believe me... the title is very telling)
Name: Rukia, Kaien
Suethor: KuronoMizu
Pairings: Kaien/Rukia/Renji (duh... this is Kaien/Rukia week!) I wasn't expecting the love triangle
Stats: 11 chapters, 19,156 words, 107 reviews, 51 favorites, 72 follows; average; 1750 words, 10 reviews, 5 favorites and 6 and a half follows
Rating: Toshiro
Appearance: From Rukia's point of view of what her new teacher looks like, “his pronounced lower eyelashes, the twinkle in the eyes those lashes framed, the funny bump in his nose, and then his soft-looking l-li”. Sorry... but I don't think most teenagers think in these kind of terms or notice these kind of things about the people they are crushing on. The language feels... wrong.
Background: Kaien is the new teacher at Rukia's high school. Yes, I said that right. He is the new teacher. Rukia is rather obviously a rich girl. We then get a bunch of prattling and little to no character development, not to mention we don't get to see these characters as the Bleach canon characters. She freaks out about her Chemistry test and is having a panic attack and Kaien hugs her in order to calm her down. (Yeah... that would never happen in a professional setting people. Particularly with a teacher whose only been on the job for a few days.) Renji is out of the picture because his foster dad got arrested... nice way of getting him out of the way. The art classes are on an Elementary school level. Kaien is also privately tutoring her. They have their first kiss... yeah... he's only been here a few days. And then Renji randomly shows back up. She's upset because he tickles her in front of the other students and Kaien confronts him about what there relationship is
Sue Qualifications: It is original fiction disguised as fanfiction. The dialog the characters use doesn't fit the actual characters. Better yet, some of the dialog is being spoken by adults and doesn't fit the way adults speak in the real world. She's already crushing on him as of day one. Oh, and Rukia knows her drawings are bad in this fanfic. This Rukia has really bad panic attacks that can only be fixed by a hug. The fanfic does a really good job of making Kaien look really bad. I mean, he's starting an affair with a student within a few days of his being in the school. Not cool. Oh, and he's cheating on his Miyako.
Annoying Attributes: I've said this may times over, if you can easily replace the canon character names for different names and not realize which fandom your writing from, what you have is original fiction disguised as fanfiction and not fanfiction. The other annoying factor is the writer titles the chapter titles as “Secret 1: Saisho” instead of “Chapter 1: Saisho”. On the positive side, the writer at least does their research. They actually use magazines from Japan. That said, if Renji is having problems with his foster family, I have to wonder how he's even in school and why he isn't living on his own with a job to pay for his living expenses. It is a better love triangle then most of the time. It be a lot less annoying to if this was passed off as original fiction and not fanfic..
Sample: (Chapter 1: Saisho: Beginning)
With my class's enthusiasm around this time of day, it wasn't surprising that there was a long, dull, awkward silence.
"...'Kay then, I'll take that as a 'not really'..." Still sporting a vibrant little half-smile, he turned around, took a few steps to the board, and snatched up a piece of chalk. "From now on..." he began, marking swiftly on the board what looked like the start of some kanji, "...I will be with this class..."
He kept writing, making more strokes that were rushed and hard to read. Our class sat in silence, not wanting to think that something might've happened to our previous teacher-he'd never been in good health, and we all knew it. I gulped.
"...along with Ukitake-sensei..." At last, he underlined the characters on the board with a sweeping brisk stroke of finality. "As a student teacher."
I gave a small sigh of relief along with the rest of the class. School without our Ukitake would've been like...well...life without ice cream, or something. But there were other matters at hand-
The sensei-in-training tapped a knuckle against his writing on the board, which happened to spell his name: "I'm Shiba Kaien, everyone. Nice to meet you guys." And with that, he bent forward to bow. As soon as he'd snapped back up, he added "-Oh, and that's Shiba-sensei to you all, by the way. If-oh hey, you're here!"
We all turned to the room's back entrance to see none other than Ukitake-sensei shakily closing the sliding door behind him. "Hello there, Shiba-san! Oh, class-I'm awfully sorry; I should've told someone I'd be having a clinical appointment today." I groaned in unison with my classmates. Did he do this stuff just to mess with us?
"Anyway... oh, you've already introduced yourself, have you then? Man, Shiba-san's really on top of the game, isn't he, class?" Ukitake was nodding and smiling to us all as he strolled up front, like there was no way anyone could say no. Which was true.
A slight flush appeared on Kaien-no, Shiba-sensei's cheeks, I figured because of getting praised his first few minutes as a fledgling teacher. (But we were used to that sort of open warmth…Ukitake was Ukitake, after all.) That reaction was kind of endearing, actually. A tiny grin started to tug at the corners of my mouth.
Now both teachers, older and younger, were standing together at the front. "...Also," Ukitake cut in, as if he'd forgotten something, "you can look forward to your art classes since Shiba-san, our wonderful art major here, will be aiding there too. Please treat him nice, 'kay?" He winked at our class, knowing we couldn't refuse him, and proceeded to launch into some teacher-to-teacher planning or pep talk with Shiba-sensei.