206: Toshiro and Momo's Vacation ~ shirochanxmomo1220
Title: Toshiro and Momo's Vacation
Name: Hinamori Momo, Hitsugaya Toshiro, Matsumoto Rangiku, Ichimaru Gin
Suethor: shirochanxmomo1220
Pairings: Toshiro/Momo, Gin/Rangiku
Stats: 9 Chapters, 9,314 words, 241 reviews; average: 1000 words, 26 reviews
Rating: Toshiro
Appearance: Like canon
Background: Matsumoto buys four tickets, each of which has a chance of winning a trip to a shinigami resort. All four of her tickets manage to win. They go to the resort and end up at an amusement part. Matsumoto and Gin give Momo and Toshiro advice because they are “luv-struck”. Their still at the amusement park by chapter five and in that chapter there is a showering incident. And more amusement park stuff. Toshiro wants to see Momo's reaction to a particular ride which will freak her out. At the end they go to bed together but don't have sex because Matsumoto said they don't do this until you're married.
Sue Qualifications: The fact four tickets bought by the same person managed to win all at the same time. Rangiku is blushing when Toshiro mentions Gin despite the fact she is a grown woman. Toshiro pulls a fast one on Momo and gets her to ride a scary ride and this is considered romantic instead of childish. Not to mention Matsumoto thinks he's ready for a real relationship.
Annoying Attributes: Despite the fact I honestly don't see Matsumoto trying to hook her small taicho with the girl he thinks of as his sister I think the idea of Gin teaching Toshiro to win Momo over is very bizare and out of character for the man. The Suethor also didn't stop and think about the fact that you only need to buy one ticket and you'll get a trip for two to four people. All four winning is very slim chances. And where would they have a resort in soul society? Or an amusement park for that matter. Oh... and the writer has a “I won't update until I get so many reviews” thing going.
Sample: (Chapter 1: The Winning Tickets)
As Hitsugaya finished the last remaining piece of paperwork, Momo came in with a smile while holding two tickets. Hitsugaya saw her and looked right back down to hide a blush he knew was going to appear. "Hey Hitsugaya-kun!" she said with a cheerful voice. "It's Hitsugaya-taicho, and what is it?" He asked in a serious voice.
"Look what I have." She said while holding up the tickets in her hand. "Are those the raffle tickets they've been selling at the fourth division?" He asked. "Yea, I bought one for me and one for you!" "Why'd you buy one for me? Isn't the prize some tickets to a resort?"
"Well, yea, shiro-chan, but if I win and go alone it wouldn't be any fun. So if we both win we can go together." She asked while thinking of how spending time with Hitsugaya and away from work would feel like. Hitsugaya also thought about what it would be like.
"Well, anyways, here's the ticket Shiro-chan." She said and then handed him the tickets. Hitsugaya took it and looked at it. It had the number 1220 on it, the date of his birthday. "I got the numbers of your birthday for good luck. I got the number 1221 for myself." She said sounding proud.
"Thanks Bed-wetter." He said before putting the ticket into his pocket. "No, Shiro-chan! They're going to announce the winning numbers soon. Don't put it away yet!" She said impatiently.
Suddenly a gentle voice was heard throughout Seireitei through a kido. The voice could only belong to Unohana-taicho.
'Ok, thank you all for supporting us, the 4th division. I will now announce the winning ticket numbers. If you have a winning ticket, please report to the 4th division to claim your prize. The winning numbers are: 0929, 0910, 1221, and 1220. Sorry if you didn't win, but once again, thank you all for participating.' The message was over and the room became silent until a scream was heard from the outside.