111: Was It Destiny? ~ butterfishsticks
Title: Was It Destiny?
Name: Hitsugaya Toshiro, Hinamori Momo, Kaoru Sayuki
Suethor: butterfishsticks
Rating: Ganju
Pairings: Sayuki/Toshiro/Momo
Appearance: Toshiro and Momo look like their canon selfs. Sayuki has “lucious long, curled sea green hair [flowing] behind her [and] her eyes [glimmer] with pride.”
Background: The whole point of this story is that the new girl shows up and tries to break up the tru luv of Hitsuhina. She is the “haughty daughter of [the] prime minister?” Matsumoto “had recently seen some girls harassed by Sayuki and her friends on the news for the past couple of months because they didn't want to be her servants.” And thus she wasn't arrested and just expelled.
Sue Qualifications: Toshiro and Momo have admitted non-canon feelings for each and are together, no explanation given. (However, this is a High School AU, so I am more willing to buy into it.) We're given this mean girl rival and we're told she's a bad girl, but truth is... she seems rather stereotyped. I mean, there are rich girls in Anime who act like this, but not real people.
Annoying Attributes: There is way to much Japanese spilled into the content of the storyline, simply to make it more romantic. There is also a song smashed into the middle of this story, which is against site rules. I dislike the fact that everyone knows that Sayuki is a bad guy from the very start.
Sample:
The day swam by, and so the next day had arrived. A wealthy girl walked into classroom 2-B. Her luscious long, curled sea green hair flowed behind her as her eyes glimmered with pride.
"Ohayo gozaimasu. Kaoru Sayuki desu. Dozo yoroshiku," She introduced herself to the class and bowed. Uproars began among the students over the rumors they have recently heard about her.
"Ne, isn't she the spoiled, haughty daughter of our prime minister?" Matsumoto questioned. She had recently seen some girls harassed by Sayuki and her friends on the news for the past couple of months because they didn't want to be her servants. Sayuki wasn't arrested due to her father; instead, she was expelled from her previous private schools.
"Yeahh; it's her right? It's better to avoid her," Rukia whispered.
"Doushite? She'll be lonely," Hinamori protested. She glanced at Sayuki. There she stood firmly at the front of the classroom in the school's uniform which consisted of a white, button-down collared shirt, a beige polo vest with the school's logo on the left corner, a black tie, and black knee-length skirt.
"Hinamori, she could ruin your life. She'll take everything she wants away from you!" Rukia explained.
"But those are just rumors; they're not always true," Hinamori muttered quietly.
"Urusai!" the teacher, Yoruichi-san, snapped furiously, clutching her fist that threatened to punch the next person who decided to be disrespectful. She then turned over to Sayuki and instructed in a softer tone, "Okay, Sayuki-chan your seat is right next to Momo-chan."
"Who's that?" she asked curiously, skimming through the classroom.
A pair of stiff arms waved side to side like a metronome going at 120. "Ah! Over here!" Hinamori shouted ecstatically.
"Dang, I feel bad for Momo," loud whispers were started again as Sayuki walked past them toward her destination, a deserted desk right beside Hinamori. Once she had settled down in her seat, class had begun.
"Ohayo Kaoru-san! If you have any questions or trouble, then talk to me," Hinamori greeted politely; a cheerful grin that stood out in the heavy atmosphere.
"Arigatou…"