Fanfiction for the_dw
Title: The Internet is for Porn
For: the_dw
Request: "WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE WRITING PORN ABOUT US?!" and/or "Renji... there's is proof on the Internet that you're cheating on us with my brother...""
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Renji/Rukia/Ichigo (Well, more like Renji/Ichigo/Rukia. Sorry. ^^;), Byakuya
Genre(s): Humor
Warning(s): Smut, some cursing
Rating: R
Notes: Sorry I'm so late, I've been very busy lately. ^^; Also, I apologize for accidently scrambling the order of the Ren/Ruki/Ichi pairing. This is actually my first time writing this pairing. (Please don't kill me for the bad humor!) This piece hasn't been betaed either, I'm just rushing to get this about before the deadline. Everything will be fixed up tommorow. <3
Renji and Rukia always seemed to tangle themselves up in human inventions, as a curious child would stick their hands into the moving blades of a fan. (Renji denies that incident, blaming the large cuts on his arm from a brawl with a hollow.) From the blender to the television, the two shinigami examined each object with intense focus. Renji had taken a keen liking to a channel called “Playboy,” which eventually dragged him into a several hour marathon of gaudy porn and sluty girls, both, earning him a well-deserved roundhouse kick in the face. Though, he did observe a few techniques that Rukia and Ichigo would later call “the true proof of Renji‘s manhood,” after several nights of hot sex.
Then came that faithful day.
“’chigo, what’s that humming box over there? It looks like a television, but there’s a weird thing sittin’ next below the screen?"
With that, a single world seized his train of thought...
Shit.
Yes, Renji and Rukia had the land of milk and honey, porn-wise, that is---known otherwise as the computer.
Within a week of their discovery, the common symptoms of internet obsession had begun to take a stronghold on the pair of shinigami. It was always computer, computer, computer, whenever they were not having sex. Ichigo recalled one night when his prostrate was unusually active, waiting, begging for someone to hit just that right spot so he could finally be released from his state of perpetual wanting. Of course, Rukia and Renji had been unavailable that night, not due to work, but because they owed time to their newest love. Before he knew it, they had learned the ways of the O RLY owl and the magic of Chuck Norris, all owing to the skillful teaching of 4chan.
-----
"Oi, Ichigo, what is this fan..fic...tion...?"
Ichigo glanced up from his book, focusing on Rukia's intrigued expression, "It's a type of writing where you take an already developed subject and you write your own story based on it."
She nodded stiffly as her eyes widened at the text sprawled across the screen. A strangled voice came out of Renji's throat as he read out the words that frightened them so.
Ichigo moaned softly as Rukia's lithe fingers fought their way into the folds of Ichigo's virgin ass. Before he could even emit a scream, Renji's hard member had entered his mouth. The organ was pressed roughly against the side of his throat, throbbing deeply as the red-haired shinigami finally...
“People are writing about US, having SEX?” spluttered Rukia.
“Damn, hot sex too! Shit, I want some of that now.”
“I...who...who said I was a virgin,” Ichigo muttered softly, his eyebrow twitching slightly in annoyance.
“Now Ichigo, we all know that you’re not a virgin...”
“’chigo, I actually wish you were a virgin again. I mean, I’ll never get to enter such a tight--”
“Renji, you’re not helping,” Rukia shook her head softly, “Now, let’s look at the next page; I’m sure it won’t be that bad...”
“Holy...”
“Shit, Rukia,--fuck!” The small shinigami had taken a hold of Ichigo’s member, gracing it with her tongue in long licks against the warm skin. She was teasing him slowly, gently riling the teen by the mere touch of her wet tongue against his taunt penis. Meanwhile, Renji had taken the upper offensive, ruffling the fold’s of his maid’s uniform with his calloused hands. The rough material was irritating the boy’s sweaty skin, yet the discomfort did nothing but raise his desire even further.
“Shit! Why didn’t we think of that, Rukia? We have to get ‘chigo into a goddamn maid uniform. Haha, this is brilliant.”
The corners of Rukia’s mouth twitched slightly, until finally curving into a small grin, “I...wouldn’t mind seeing that...”
“WHY AM I ALWAYS THE UKE?”
“‘Cause you’re always the uke, Ichigo,” Renji teased.
“....”
“See, you can’t even deny it.”
Ichigo ignored the lecherous look on the red-haired shinigami’s face, concentrating on the power chord on the floor. I have to end this before...they make me do something...crazy...
“Rukia, go to the next one!”
“Alright, alright.”
He had finally gained the upper hand on his taichou in the last way one would expect. His taichou’s body was pressed beneath his own, both of them breathing quickly from their previous arousal. They had become more than taichou and fukutaichou, with Renji’s taking the noble fiercely with deft hands---
“You’re,” Rukia’s hand twitched suddenly, “cheating on us...with my...BROTHER?”
“What the hell! Of course I’m not! You’d think I’d actually fuck a block of ic--”
Renji was silenced by the firm end of a foot pressed against his face. Flustered, Rukia snatched the end of Renji’s hakama, dragging him hurriedly out of the room.
“That...was interesting.”
Ichigo blinked, glancing once again at the dreaded screen. Piqued by a curious idea, he scrolled up the page until he reached the top.
Author: Kubya
He blinked again, pressing his lips firmly together in thought.
“Ku...Bya,” he gaped, “Kuchiki Byakuya.”
For: the_dw
Request: "WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE WRITING PORN ABOUT US?!" and/or "Renji... there's is proof on the Internet that you're cheating on us with my brother...""
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Renji/Rukia/Ichigo (Well, more like Renji/Ichigo/Rukia. Sorry. ^^;), Byakuya
Genre(s): Humor
Warning(s): Smut, some cursing
Rating: R
Notes: Sorry I'm so late, I've been very busy lately. ^^; Also, I apologize for accidently scrambling the order of the Ren/Ruki/Ichi pairing. This is actually my first time writing this pairing. (Please don't kill me for the bad humor!) This piece hasn't been betaed either, I'm just rushing to get this about before the deadline. Everything will be fixed up tommorow. <3
Renji and Rukia always seemed to tangle themselves up in human inventions, as a curious child would stick their hands into the moving blades of a fan. (Renji denies that incident, blaming the large cuts on his arm from a brawl with a hollow.) From the blender to the television, the two shinigami examined each object with intense focus. Renji had taken a keen liking to a channel called “Playboy,” which eventually dragged him into a several hour marathon of gaudy porn and sluty girls, both, earning him a well-deserved roundhouse kick in the face. Though, he did observe a few techniques that Rukia and Ichigo would later call “the true proof of Renji‘s manhood,” after several nights of hot sex.
Then came that faithful day.
“’chigo, what’s that humming box over there? It looks like a television, but there’s a weird thing sittin’ next below the screen?"
With that, a single world seized his train of thought...
Shit.
Yes, Renji and Rukia had the land of milk and honey, porn-wise, that is---known otherwise as the computer.
Within a week of their discovery, the common symptoms of internet obsession had begun to take a stronghold on the pair of shinigami. It was always computer, computer, computer, whenever they were not having sex. Ichigo recalled one night when his prostrate was unusually active, waiting, begging for someone to hit just that right spot so he could finally be released from his state of perpetual wanting. Of course, Rukia and Renji had been unavailable that night, not due to work, but because they owed time to their newest love. Before he knew it, they had learned the ways of the O RLY owl and the magic of Chuck Norris, all owing to the skillful teaching of 4chan.
-----
"Oi, Ichigo, what is this fan..fic...tion...?"
Ichigo glanced up from his book, focusing on Rukia's intrigued expression, "It's a type of writing where you take an already developed subject and you write your own story based on it."
She nodded stiffly as her eyes widened at the text sprawled across the screen. A strangled voice came out of Renji's throat as he read out the words that frightened them so.
Ichigo moaned softly as Rukia's lithe fingers fought their way into the folds of Ichigo's virgin ass. Before he could even emit a scream, Renji's hard member had entered his mouth. The organ was pressed roughly against the side of his throat, throbbing deeply as the red-haired shinigami finally...
“People are writing about US, having SEX?” spluttered Rukia.
“Damn, hot sex too! Shit, I want some of that now.”
“I...who...who said I was a virgin,” Ichigo muttered softly, his eyebrow twitching slightly in annoyance.
“Now Ichigo, we all know that you’re not a virgin...”
“’chigo, I actually wish you were a virgin again. I mean, I’ll never get to enter such a tight--”
“Renji, you’re not helping,” Rukia shook her head softly, “Now, let’s look at the next page; I’m sure it won’t be that bad...”
“Holy...”
“Shit, Rukia,--fuck!” The small shinigami had taken a hold of Ichigo’s member, gracing it with her tongue in long licks against the warm skin. She was teasing him slowly, gently riling the teen by the mere touch of her wet tongue against his taunt penis. Meanwhile, Renji had taken the upper offensive, ruffling the fold’s of his maid’s uniform with his calloused hands. The rough material was irritating the boy’s sweaty skin, yet the discomfort did nothing but raise his desire even further.
“Shit! Why didn’t we think of that, Rukia? We have to get ‘chigo into a goddamn maid uniform. Haha, this is brilliant.”
The corners of Rukia’s mouth twitched slightly, until finally curving into a small grin, “I...wouldn’t mind seeing that...”
“WHY AM I ALWAYS THE UKE?”
“‘Cause you’re always the uke, Ichigo,” Renji teased.
“....”
“See, you can’t even deny it.”
Ichigo ignored the lecherous look on the red-haired shinigami’s face, concentrating on the power chord on the floor. I have to end this before...they make me do something...crazy...
“Rukia, go to the next one!”
“Alright, alright.”
He had finally gained the upper hand on his taichou in the last way one would expect. His taichou’s body was pressed beneath his own, both of them breathing quickly from their previous arousal. They had become more than taichou and fukutaichou, with Renji’s taking the noble fiercely with deft hands---
“You’re,” Rukia’s hand twitched suddenly, “cheating on us...with my...BROTHER?”
“What the hell! Of course I’m not! You’d think I’d actually fuck a block of ic--”
Renji was silenced by the firm end of a foot pressed against his face. Flustered, Rukia snatched the end of Renji’s hakama, dragging him hurriedly out of the room.
“That...was interesting.”
Ichigo blinked, glancing once again at the dreaded screen. Piqued by a curious idea, he scrolled up the page until he reached the top.
Author: Kubya
He blinked again, pressing his lips firmly together in thought.
“Ku...Bya,” he gaped, “Kuchiki Byakuya.”