Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
[Earlier, he had unknowingly ventured outside of Las Noches, into the unclaimed territory of the Nexus. Once he had returned, he immediately retired to his room to sort out his thoughts. But, everything in his room reminded him of something terrible; his death, Ichimaru, and the fact that he mustn't really love his Captain. There would be no sleep for Kira this night, and he wandered out of his room once more - through the halls, and onto the sands of Nueva Hueco Mundo in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the feeling of being caged in.
Love was pure, and generous, and it wasn't painful. It wasn't demanding, and it held no pressing expectations. He had felt that earlier that day, and no matter how grotesque the scene had been, it was a memory he would hold onto forever. His chest now bore pleasant scars, easing the lingering pain of the still legible label of "TRAITOR" that was scrawled across his skin. As he sat on the ground and touched the new markings through his clothing, he smiled to himself... He wanted to see Utsuro again, and soon. Much more quickly than being a toy of Ichimaru's would allow.
Could he break that promise again? Could he run for a second time? He had made conflicting vows, the second set coinciding with the new marks on his chest. Deep down, he knew he had absolutely no intention of breaking his promises and betraying the Hollow, but he also knew something else; he was frightened, and didn't want to do this alone. And as shameful as that sounded, he couldn't deny it to anyone. Where would he go? Did he have any chance of his old friends accepting him again, after all that he had done? He was still certain of the fact that Matsumoto's death had been his fault, which rendered him so much worse than what the older scars proclaimed he was.
But, he couldn't stay he couldn't stay here. He couldn't continue on inside this place when he knew there was love and affection waiting for him somewhere else. The night was just so silent, and foreboding, and he silently prayed that he wouldn't have to do this on his own again.]
[ooc: Locked to truelymiserable]
Love was pure, and generous, and it wasn't painful. It wasn't demanding, and it held no pressing expectations. He had felt that earlier that day, and no matter how grotesque the scene had been, it was a memory he would hold onto forever. His chest now bore pleasant scars, easing the lingering pain of the still legible label of "TRAITOR" that was scrawled across his skin. As he sat on the ground and touched the new markings through his clothing, he smiled to himself... He wanted to see Utsuro again, and soon. Much more quickly than being a toy of Ichimaru's would allow.
Could he break that promise again? Could he run for a second time? He had made conflicting vows, the second set coinciding with the new marks on his chest. Deep down, he knew he had absolutely no intention of breaking his promises and betraying the Hollow, but he also knew something else; he was frightened, and didn't want to do this alone. And as shameful as that sounded, he couldn't deny it to anyone. Where would he go? Did he have any chance of his old friends accepting him again, after all that he had done? He was still certain of the fact that Matsumoto's death had been his fault, which rendered him so much worse than what the older scars proclaimed he was.
But, he couldn't stay he couldn't stay here. He couldn't continue on inside this place when he knew there was love and affection waiting for him somewhere else. The night was just so silent, and foreboding, and he silently prayed that he wouldn't have to do this on his own again.]
[ooc: Locked to truelymiserable]