Varied Interests ( Renji/Ichigo/Keigo ) #15 - bo-hahahaha!
UH OH. FIRST TIME POSTING RUN!!
This one's very silly, so prepare thyselves. :o
Title: Varied Interests
Author: ash starlighting
Characters/Pairing: Renji/Ichigo/Keigo.
Rating/Warnings: PG, at the most. Keigo-abuse ( i.e.: "STFU KEIGO" ) and general retardedisms ( i.e.: Keigo being weird ).
Theme: #15 - bo-hahahaha!
He didn't know how long he had been staying there, but he speculated that no set amount of time would ever be enough to finally make this whole "TV"-thing a concept he could understand.
So far, all he had gathered was that it was a box and it displayed images. Big deal.
Why Keigo liked to sit in front of it so much was the next part he was trying to figure out. Good luck, he thought bitterly to himself.
Ichigo often told him that the kid liked to play "video games" and watch some stupid show about ghosts, with a more-obnoxious-than-necessary host who wore funky clothes.
Then, Ichigo made mention that even his fashion sense looked sane in comparison.
To which, Renji promptly knocked him over the head.
But, in any case, Keigo liked to watch this dumb show and tried many times to get he and Ichigo to watch it with him. He would do this little flailing thing and whine and bitch and moan and just generally whittle away at whatever small amount of patience the two of them had. Hell, it was a wonder why they even bothered with him.
That was another thing Renji hadn't the opportunity to figure out yet.
The redhead sighed in disdain as he sat on the couch, posture slumped and eyes narrowed in a manner that could only be described as "death glare" as the aforementioned obnoxious host screamed something about "justice" and did the most nerve-grating laugh he had ever heard in his life.
And then Keigo mimicked it.
What the hell was that, was Renji's initial reaction, accompanied by a very wide set of eyes. Keigo just mimicked the TV? Fuckin' weird.
After the pure shock of stupid was overcome, Renji said rather flatly, "Holy Christ, that's annoying," a broad hand slapped over his forehead and dragged over his eyes, nearly bringing his bandana with it.
Keigo didn't seem to hear him at first, but Renji lacked the necessary insight to realize that this wasn't the case. It was probably a good opportunity to get the hell out of the room to avoid a potentially annoying situation, something that Ichigo might have picked up on, had he been there at that moment. But, Ichigo had called earlier, stating that he was going to be late arriving--Isshin sprung a lot of things on him at the last minute, Renji noted--leaving the redhead to deal with the spaz alone.
But, if only Ichigo had been there. If only.
Renji didn't know why it happened, but Keigo suddenly stood up from his spot on the floor and spun around, face scrunched into a weird sneer. The TV blared behind him, some fans or spectators cheering on the host in his act, the glow of the screen blocked by Keigo's thin body. He kind of looked... ominous.
Renji twitched.
"So... It's annoying, neee?" Keigo said, that sneer turning into a bizarre grin. God, what the hell, this kid had a few screws loose, or something.
"Yeah, it is, 's what I said, right?" said ever-logical Renji. He sat up a little, elbow digging into the arm of the couch.
"Hehehe... Well~~.." Keigo started over, step swaying a little. This did not bode well for the Shinigami. Did the brat have a split-personality Kurosaki failed to mention or something? Whatever it was certainly made him feel uncomfortable. Renji flinched when Keigo finally reached the couch and proceeded to hover over him, his brow creased and a small bead of sweat rolled down the side of his temple.
What happened next made Renji want to draw Zabimaru and quarter that idiot into four, nice and even pieces and leave them out for his family to find in the morning. Of course, he wouldn't, as Kurosaki probably wouldn't have appreciated it, but he definitely thought about lashing out violently when that idiot crossed his arms in front of his chest and, in the loudest voice he had ever heard come out of anything--living or dead--, screamed, "BO-HAHAHAHA!!!"
***
"Oi, Keigo, where the hell are ya'?" Ichigo called from outside of the apartment, roughly knocking on the door once again. No answer, though he could hear the TV on. He was getting irritated; it was bad enough that his psychotic father had him help clean the clinic out from one end to the other, but now one of his two gems of boyfriends wasn't answering the damn door.
Maybe they were...
...
"...better not be doin' anything without me." What the "anything" referred to was probably something a little more on the crass-side, but at that point, Ichigo was far too stressed to even care if he was making a sexual remark, even if just to himself.
Besides, he needed to relax. ... ... not that the two of them ever were able to relax him without first nearly giving him an aneurysm. It was almost like a collateral payment; yes, Ichigo, we'll have sex with you, but you must first be practically driven to a homicidal rage.
"Ugh. This is ridiculous..." Ichigo gave a quick, spastic look around to make sure no one was around--didn't want to look like a creep, after all--before pressing his ear against the door to try and see if he could at least hear if they were... .. well, you know.
". . ." Nothing, except the TV. And, if Ichigo knew the two of them in any personal manner, it was probably safe to say neither of them had the tact to deliberately keep quiet when there was the potential for outsiders to hear. ... Something that Ichigo really, really, really hated about them, by the way.
Well, shit. If they weren't fucking, what the hell were they doing? They wouldn't have left without leaving him a message or something, right? They weren't that stupid, we--
"GAAAAAAAAAH ARGHHHH RENJI I CAN'T BREA---MRGHGFFPH"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!"
"W-wh..." Ichigo's eyes shot open and he pressed his ear back against the door. Struggling... and... more struggling...
"..."
A loud gasp, "GAH RENJI QUIT IT!! I'M SORRY OK?!"
Growl, "THE HELL YOU AIN'T! YA APOLOGIZED TWICE ALREADY AND YA JUST KEEP DOIN' IT!!"
"I WON'T THIS TIME I PROMISE PLEEEEEASE!"
Ichigo sighed. Apparently, Keigo had done something annoying and was paying for it. Going by how persistent the two of them were--Keigo wouldn't stop being annoying and Renji wouldn't stop dishing out punishment--, it was probably as safe assumption that the situation was only going to get worse. In light of that, Ichigo decided to make it known that he had been there and was not to have any part of it! "OI, IDIOTS, I'M GOIN' HOME NOW!" He called, not truly intending to leave, but perhaps motivate the others to stop being so damn childish. ... which was childish in itself, but hey, he was in the right here!
"......"
"......"
The screaming stopped for a good half-minute and Ichigo waited. He listened intently, a small smirk on his face appearing when he heard Renji's voice, "....He.. left."
Keigo sounded out of breath, but no less distressed, "... Bu-but... ... He ... was.. we were.. supposed to.."
"....Yeah."
"......"
There was another pause and Ichigo contemplated barging in, yelling something obnoxious like, "HAHA. JUST KIDDING!!" but, hell, that would have been stupid and.. not his style. He scratched at his neck and sighed. Keigo was having an adverse effect on him if he was even thinking about dumb stuff like that.
He continued to listen, secretly amused at how disappointed they sounded. Made him feel special, important...
Then...
"..... Wanna' fuck?"
W-wait, what?? Hey!!
"......."
Keigo, certainly, you wouldn't agree to --
"Sure, ne~~"
Ichigo blanched. TRAITOR!!
He was just about to bust down that damn door when Keigo's voice sounded again, and he listened for, hopefully, a second thought or denial. Instead...
"...I get to be on top."
.................................?!
"...... ugh, fine."
...................................
***
Ichigo refused to speak to either of them for a week. He sat at home and watched Don Kanonji's stupid show with his sisters, despite the fact that it rotted his brain. At least they got a kick out of it.
... As, apparently, did Renji and Keigo.
A few times throughout that week, Keigo tried to call. "Bo-hahahaha, assholes," was what Ichigo answered with, promptly hanging up afterward.
He'd get over it. Eventually.
This one's very silly, so prepare thyselves. :o
Title: Varied Interests
Author: ash starlighting
Characters/Pairing: Renji/Ichigo/Keigo.
Rating/Warnings: PG, at the most. Keigo-abuse ( i.e.: "STFU KEIGO" ) and general retardedisms ( i.e.: Keigo being weird ).
Theme: #15 - bo-hahahaha!
He didn't know how long he had been staying there, but he speculated that no set amount of time would ever be enough to finally make this whole "TV"-thing a concept he could understand.
So far, all he had gathered was that it was a box and it displayed images. Big deal.
Why Keigo liked to sit in front of it so much was the next part he was trying to figure out. Good luck, he thought bitterly to himself.
Ichigo often told him that the kid liked to play "video games" and watch some stupid show about ghosts, with a more-obnoxious-than-necessary host who wore funky clothes.
Then, Ichigo made mention that even his fashion sense looked sane in comparison.
To which, Renji promptly knocked him over the head.
But, in any case, Keigo liked to watch this dumb show and tried many times to get he and Ichigo to watch it with him. He would do this little flailing thing and whine and bitch and moan and just generally whittle away at whatever small amount of patience the two of them had. Hell, it was a wonder why they even bothered with him.
That was another thing Renji hadn't the opportunity to figure out yet.
The redhead sighed in disdain as he sat on the couch, posture slumped and eyes narrowed in a manner that could only be described as "death glare" as the aforementioned obnoxious host screamed something about "justice" and did the most nerve-grating laugh he had ever heard in his life.
And then Keigo mimicked it.
What the hell was that, was Renji's initial reaction, accompanied by a very wide set of eyes. Keigo just mimicked the TV? Fuckin' weird.
After the pure shock of stupid was overcome, Renji said rather flatly, "Holy Christ, that's annoying," a broad hand slapped over his forehead and dragged over his eyes, nearly bringing his bandana with it.
Keigo didn't seem to hear him at first, but Renji lacked the necessary insight to realize that this wasn't the case. It was probably a good opportunity to get the hell out of the room to avoid a potentially annoying situation, something that Ichigo might have picked up on, had he been there at that moment. But, Ichigo had called earlier, stating that he was going to be late arriving--Isshin sprung a lot of things on him at the last minute, Renji noted--leaving the redhead to deal with the spaz alone.
But, if only Ichigo had been there. If only.
Renji didn't know why it happened, but Keigo suddenly stood up from his spot on the floor and spun around, face scrunched into a weird sneer. The TV blared behind him, some fans or spectators cheering on the host in his act, the glow of the screen blocked by Keigo's thin body. He kind of looked... ominous.
Renji twitched.
"So... It's annoying, neee?" Keigo said, that sneer turning into a bizarre grin. God, what the hell, this kid had a few screws loose, or something.
"Yeah, it is, 's what I said, right?" said ever-logical Renji. He sat up a little, elbow digging into the arm of the couch.
"Hehehe... Well~~.." Keigo started over, step swaying a little. This did not bode well for the Shinigami. Did the brat have a split-personality Kurosaki failed to mention or something? Whatever it was certainly made him feel uncomfortable. Renji flinched when Keigo finally reached the couch and proceeded to hover over him, his brow creased and a small bead of sweat rolled down the side of his temple.
What happened next made Renji want to draw Zabimaru and quarter that idiot into four, nice and even pieces and leave them out for his family to find in the morning. Of course, he wouldn't, as Kurosaki probably wouldn't have appreciated it, but he definitely thought about lashing out violently when that idiot crossed his arms in front of his chest and, in the loudest voice he had ever heard come out of anything--living or dead--, screamed, "BO-HAHAHAHA!!!"
***
"Oi, Keigo, where the hell are ya'?" Ichigo called from outside of the apartment, roughly knocking on the door once again. No answer, though he could hear the TV on. He was getting irritated; it was bad enough that his psychotic father had him help clean the clinic out from one end to the other, but now one of his two gems of boyfriends wasn't answering the damn door.
Maybe they were...
...
"...better not be doin' anything without me." What the "anything" referred to was probably something a little more on the crass-side, but at that point, Ichigo was far too stressed to even care if he was making a sexual remark, even if just to himself.
Besides, he needed to relax. ... ... not that the two of them ever were able to relax him without first nearly giving him an aneurysm. It was almost like a collateral payment; yes, Ichigo, we'll have sex with you, but you must first be practically driven to a homicidal rage.
"Ugh. This is ridiculous..." Ichigo gave a quick, spastic look around to make sure no one was around--didn't want to look like a creep, after all--before pressing his ear against the door to try and see if he could at least hear if they were... .. well, you know.
". . ." Nothing, except the TV. And, if Ichigo knew the two of them in any personal manner, it was probably safe to say neither of them had the tact to deliberately keep quiet when there was the potential for outsiders to hear. ... Something that Ichigo really, really, really hated about them, by the way.
Well, shit. If they weren't fucking, what the hell were they doing? They wouldn't have left without leaving him a message or something, right? They weren't that stupid, we--
"GAAAAAAAAAH ARGHHHH RENJI I CAN'T BREA---MRGHGFFPH"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!"
"W-wh..." Ichigo's eyes shot open and he pressed his ear back against the door. Struggling... and... more struggling...
"..."
A loud gasp, "GAH RENJI QUIT IT!! I'M SORRY OK?!"
Growl, "THE HELL YOU AIN'T! YA APOLOGIZED TWICE ALREADY AND YA JUST KEEP DOIN' IT!!"
"I WON'T THIS TIME I PROMISE PLEEEEEASE!"
Ichigo sighed. Apparently, Keigo had done something annoying and was paying for it. Going by how persistent the two of them were--Keigo wouldn't stop being annoying and Renji wouldn't stop dishing out punishment--, it was probably as safe assumption that the situation was only going to get worse. In light of that, Ichigo decided to make it known that he had been there and was not to have any part of it! "OI, IDIOTS, I'M GOIN' HOME NOW!" He called, not truly intending to leave, but perhaps motivate the others to stop being so damn childish. ... which was childish in itself, but hey, he was in the right here!
"......"
"......"
The screaming stopped for a good half-minute and Ichigo waited. He listened intently, a small smirk on his face appearing when he heard Renji's voice, "....He.. left."
Keigo sounded out of breath, but no less distressed, "... Bu-but... ... He ... was.. we were.. supposed to.."
"....Yeah."
"......"
There was another pause and Ichigo contemplated barging in, yelling something obnoxious like, "HAHA. JUST KIDDING!!" but, hell, that would have been stupid and.. not his style. He scratched at his neck and sighed. Keigo was having an adverse effect on him if he was even thinking about dumb stuff like that.
He continued to listen, secretly amused at how disappointed they sounded. Made him feel special, important...
Then...
"..... Wanna' fuck?"
W-wait, what?? Hey!!
"......."
Keigo, certainly, you wouldn't agree to --
"Sure, ne~~"
Ichigo blanched. TRAITOR!!
He was just about to bust down that damn door when Keigo's voice sounded again, and he listened for, hopefully, a second thought or denial. Instead...
"...I get to be on top."
.................................?!
"...... ugh, fine."
...................................
***
Ichigo refused to speak to either of them for a week. He sat at home and watched Don Kanonji's stupid show with his sisters, despite the fact that it rotted his brain. At least they got a kick out of it.
... As, apparently, did Renji and Keigo.
A few times throughout that week, Keigo tried to call. "Bo-hahahaha, assholes," was what Ichigo answered with, promptly hanging up afterward.
He'd get over it. Eventually.