Short Bit of Goofiness
This is for the handful of you who couldn't make it to the boyfriend's graduation party.
Because he finished his coursework right before Christmas and wouldn't be able to walk till May, we had a graduation party for him today. Much good food, a little dressing up, and a commencement speech. I'd hoped to find a cap and gown for him to wear, but I've been a slacker this week and didn't quite succeed. And yet, we still had a processional of sorts - once everyone finally showed up, we played "Pomp and Circumstance" on kazoos. This was followed by a short keynote speech. We wrapped up with remarks and comments from guest speakers. Many good stories about him, pre- and peri- and post-college, were told. I even made up a diploma for him to have until he can finally pick up his real one.
Four score and… oh crap. Wrong speech. [rummage-rummage]
It has been a long hard road, a journey begun back in 1988. After high school, you moved on, moved up, moved out of your mother’s house (look around…)* and took the next step, leaving behind childhood and beginning your journey to adulthood.
You left it all behind to attend college, where you partied, er, studied your behind off through your junior year. You then accomplished what every college student strives for: you found a job. You just found yours early. And so you left that hallowed institution of learning. Some students take a year abroad. You had several years of broads. You worked, you played, you lived your life.
And then! The fates decreed you should return to school. The stars and moons lined up. Karma spoke. It was time. You had the time, you had the energy, you had the unemployment program money. But perhaps most importantly, you had the girlfriend who said she’d kick your ass if you didn’t take advantage of this opportunity to finish out your degree. Your hard work and sacrifice did not go unnoticed. You studied long hours, you wrote endless papers. For what reward? Okay, being able to tell other students half your age, “stay in school” was a perk. But you now have something no one on earth can take away. You have something that only one-quarter of people in this country have, something relatively few people in the world can even dream of, something that opens doors no other key will open, something not given but earned. You, sir, have a college degree.
And so we confer upon you, this day tenth day of February, 2008, the esteemed title of Confirmed Bachelor, and acknowledge that you, sir, are full of BS.
We now invite the family to make any remarks or speeches or tell any embarrassing stories, and following that we invite the full attendance to comment as well.
* He and his mom live together. Though they take care to note that she lives in his house, not the other way around. :)
Because he finished his coursework right before Christmas and wouldn't be able to walk till May, we had a graduation party for him today. Much good food, a little dressing up, and a commencement speech. I'd hoped to find a cap and gown for him to wear, but I've been a slacker this week and didn't quite succeed. And yet, we still had a processional of sorts - once everyone finally showed up, we played "Pomp and Circumstance" on kazoos. This was followed by a short keynote speech. We wrapped up with remarks and comments from guest speakers. Many good stories about him, pre- and peri- and post-college, were told. I even made up a diploma for him to have until he can finally pick up his real one.
Four score and… oh crap. Wrong speech. [rummage-rummage]
It has been a long hard road, a journey begun back in 1988. After high school, you moved on, moved up, moved out of your mother’s house (look around…)* and took the next step, leaving behind childhood and beginning your journey to adulthood.
You left it all behind to attend college, where you partied, er, studied your behind off through your junior year. You then accomplished what every college student strives for: you found a job. You just found yours early. And so you left that hallowed institution of learning. Some students take a year abroad. You had several years of broads. You worked, you played, you lived your life.
And then! The fates decreed you should return to school. The stars and moons lined up. Karma spoke. It was time. You had the time, you had the energy, you had the unemployment program money. But perhaps most importantly, you had the girlfriend who said she’d kick your ass if you didn’t take advantage of this opportunity to finish out your degree. Your hard work and sacrifice did not go unnoticed. You studied long hours, you wrote endless papers. For what reward? Okay, being able to tell other students half your age, “stay in school” was a perk. But you now have something no one on earth can take away. You have something that only one-quarter of people in this country have, something relatively few people in the world can even dream of, something that opens doors no other key will open, something not given but earned. You, sir, have a college degree.
And so we confer upon you, this day tenth day of February, 2008, the esteemed title of Confirmed Bachelor, and acknowledge that you, sir, are full of BS.
We now invite the family to make any remarks or speeches or tell any embarrassing stories, and following that we invite the full attendance to comment as well.
* He and his mom live together. Though they take care to note that she lives in his house, not the other way around. :)