week five check-in g&a
Today has just been a bad day. The worst part? When I gave myself over to the fact that I was having a bad day that horrible Had A Bad Day song got stuck in my head. I feel like there is a giant sized version of one of those things the dentist uses to scrape tarter off your teeth scraping the tarter off my soul. OK that might be a little melodramatic, but I am feeling tired and low. I’ve completely wasted the day. On one hand I’m afraid because I spent months last year living thru this type of malaise and don’t want to revisit that period, on the other I have to remember that there will always be resistance before a change occurs so I’m trying to focus on the idea that a transformation is on the way. I also just realized that I’m going to get my period in the next few days so I’m sure that also has something to do with it. I’ve been thinking a lot lately that women are lucky to get PMS because it informs us about our issues and thus allows us to do something about them. I might feel that way again a week from today, but right now I just want to smack me. I think I’m going to get some hot chocolate pop some popcorn take a hot shower curl up n bed and watch the Life Aquatic.
This week seems like its lasted a year, generally because I’ve been changing my habits and getting a lot done each day. It’s a good thing, but it’s taking some adjusting to.
1) I did my morning pages 7/7 days. A lot of times they felt like the drive before you get to a destination. I just wished they were over already; they seemed to take forever and generally felt like an inconvenient waist of time. But I did them and I know they were good for me the way I know the vitamins I take every day is good for me even though I don’t see it making a difference in me.
2) I had, like, one and a half artist dates. One day I went to the river and did a lot of the tasks. It was a draining couple of hours and I came away from it with a better understanding of how to surrender. Another day I visited my old grade school during a fundraising fair. I was proud of the way I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked to spin a cone of cotton candy (something I’ve thought would be fun to try for a while now). It was a good first step for me and my going after what I want instead of thinking about what others will think (though I still have a long way to go).
3) I have had a fair share of synchronicity this week; something that happened today sticks out especially. I watched the Suzy Orman show today (she’s a financial advisor) and she talked to a woman who basically had all of the same attitudes toward money I discovered I had during this week of abundance recovery. What Orman said made me see that the way I’ve been defining financial power is precisely what’s stopping me from claiming mine. Again, it all comes back to me letting go of what others think.
4) This week I’ve worked on my god concept, which lead me to the idea that I need to just go with the flow. I’m now trying to figure out when to be flexible and when it’s required to stand up and do what’s best for me. I guess I should just act the opposite of how I do now… which is to try to control and understand every aspect of life, while hiding behind the excuse of ‘that’s just the way things are’ when I’m to afraid to take a risk and make a change that might better my life. What’s next week? Recovering a sense of connection (I honestly just looked it up). It couldn’t have come at a better time!
Today I am grateful that Advil made my back feel better.
Today I am grateful B is happy to see me when he gets home and that when I was in a bad mood he was in a good one.
Today I am grateful that I have only felt this way for one day
Today I am grateful that this is as bad as I tend to feel and that it’s at least bearable
Today I am grateful for white chocolate and popcorn
Today I am grateful for Wes Anderson films
Today I acknowledge myself for getting as much done as I could under these circumstances
Today I acknowledge myself for allowing my self an evening of indulgence, even when I don’t feel like I deserve it because of my lack of daily accomplishment
Today I acknowledge myself for not wallowing and remembering that growth is painful and that this pain signifies a coming change
Today I acknowledge letting myself cry when I needed to
Today I acknowledge myself for making it thru the day and holding on to the optimistic thought that there is always tomorrow.
This week seems like its lasted a year, generally because I’ve been changing my habits and getting a lot done each day. It’s a good thing, but it’s taking some adjusting to.
1) I did my morning pages 7/7 days. A lot of times they felt like the drive before you get to a destination. I just wished they were over already; they seemed to take forever and generally felt like an inconvenient waist of time. But I did them and I know they were good for me the way I know the vitamins I take every day is good for me even though I don’t see it making a difference in me.
2) I had, like, one and a half artist dates. One day I went to the river and did a lot of the tasks. It was a draining couple of hours and I came away from it with a better understanding of how to surrender. Another day I visited my old grade school during a fundraising fair. I was proud of the way I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked to spin a cone of cotton candy (something I’ve thought would be fun to try for a while now). It was a good first step for me and my going after what I want instead of thinking about what others will think (though I still have a long way to go).
3) I have had a fair share of synchronicity this week; something that happened today sticks out especially. I watched the Suzy Orman show today (she’s a financial advisor) and she talked to a woman who basically had all of the same attitudes toward money I discovered I had during this week of abundance recovery. What Orman said made me see that the way I’ve been defining financial power is precisely what’s stopping me from claiming mine. Again, it all comes back to me letting go of what others think.
4) This week I’ve worked on my god concept, which lead me to the idea that I need to just go with the flow. I’m now trying to figure out when to be flexible and when it’s required to stand up and do what’s best for me. I guess I should just act the opposite of how I do now… which is to try to control and understand every aspect of life, while hiding behind the excuse of ‘that’s just the way things are’ when I’m to afraid to take a risk and make a change that might better my life. What’s next week? Recovering a sense of connection (I honestly just looked it up). It couldn’t have come at a better time!
Today I am grateful that Advil made my back feel better.
Today I am grateful B is happy to see me when he gets home and that when I was in a bad mood he was in a good one.
Today I am grateful that I have only felt this way for one day
Today I am grateful that this is as bad as I tend to feel and that it’s at least bearable
Today I am grateful for white chocolate and popcorn
Today I am grateful for Wes Anderson films
Today I acknowledge myself for getting as much done as I could under these circumstances
Today I acknowledge myself for allowing my self an evening of indulgence, even when I don’t feel like I deserve it because of my lack of daily accomplishment
Today I acknowledge myself for not wallowing and remembering that growth is painful and that this pain signifies a coming change
Today I acknowledge letting myself cry when I needed to
Today I acknowledge myself for making it thru the day and holding on to the optimistic thought that there is always tomorrow.