HAPPY NEW YEAR...ok, so I'm late by like five days or something...
Now that I'm pretty sure my reader base has gone down from the 500 loyal readers that made me into a household name to like three or four, if I'm lucky, I'm going to update my damn fucking cock-suck of a journal (and yes, I just wrote "damn fucking cock-suck"). No need to explain why it took me 12 months to write an update nor can I forsee when will be the next time I'll update again, but what I do know is since it's a new year by like five or six days and everyone likes writing "Best of 2005" lists, I'm going to write one too. So here it is:
"Adamn's Bullshit List of the Best Of Whatever for 2005"
-Best car chase of 2005:
The car chase in Batman Begins. Seriously.
-Actor most screwed over in a film for 2005:
Nicolas Cage. If you don't believe me, check out The Lord of War and The Weather Man.
Runner-up: Tom Cruise for getting stuck with his kids when aliens invaded.
-Most over-played piece of music played on the radio for 2005:
Anything from Green Day's American Idiot. Don't get me wrong, I actually feel American Idiot is the best thing Green Day has ever made and enjoy it, but coming from a guy who barely listens to the radio, everything from their album is played nonstop on it! It needs to stop!
-Worst musician and/or musicians for 2005:
Fall-Out Boy
Runner-up: Fucking Coldplay.
-Most single man of 2005:
Me, of course.
-Laziest man of 2005:
That's me again. Not even counting what little times I updated this journal, I have an internet site that I have to contribute to that I barely do, a comic book project I've yet to really work on, school, and the daily trials and tribulations a loser such as myself has to go through to worry about; I lack motivation and I haven't accomplished much with all that I've listed.
Runner-up: Everyone who works on the Nintendorks website.
-Most overrated video game console of 2005:
The X-Box 360. I'm probably going to get a hate comment from one guy in particular for writing that, but I seriously didn't like this console at all after playing it for a couple of days straight.
Runner-up: My hand.
-Most annoying illegal drug of 2005:
Marijuana. I tire of fucking stoners! The reason I have never smoked a joint in my life is because it makes people I've seen who take it in large doses become stupid low-lives, dammit. If you're stoned right now when reading this, here are two keywords in all caps to help bring my point across: STUPID and LOW-LIFE. Get a fucking education so that you can stop annoying people, or smoke the shit by yourself amongst a small group of other stoners in a small, confined space so all of you can fight to the death on the last bowl after experiencing the increased paranoia some people experience from getting too stoned. And by small group, I mean like 3 and maybe a half. If you feel the need to cut your friend literally in half then be my guess...it'll be one less stoner in the world.
-Most annoying clique of 2005:
Oh, this one is hard because for one, I'm not in high school anymore, but since I'm kind of going on a theme here then it's the stupid stoner.
-Best comedy of 2005:
House of Wax.
-Worst thing on the Internet since the message board for 2005:
http://www.gametap.com - I can seriously get all these games for free on my computer without having to pay for this service. Granted, it would be illegal...but still.
-Best thing on the Internet since free porn for 2005:
http://megami.starcreator.com/nanaca-crash/ - I discovered this little gem early last year. Sure it's based off of a hentai, but that doesn't means it's not fun and addictive. Just remember, stay away from the chick with the glasses when playing, and crank those motherfucking speakers up, foo!
Runner-up: http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/tetka.html
-Best racist of 2005:
President George Dubya Bush for "hating black people."
Runner-up: Kanye West.
2nd runner-up: Jesse Jackson...again.
-Best crisis of 2005:
Ok ok, you all know what I'm going to say because this really wasn't that hard, but I'm not going to say it because you're expecting it. So ha.
Ok ok, I will...the Hurricane Katrina disaster at New Orleans, or as I like to call it, Cajun Apocalypse 2005! Yes indeed, folks, our country was so fucked by this at the time, I'm sure the terrorists are hitting themselves over the head for not thinking of this one themselves. I want to say one of the last times I updated I had talked about this, but I'm not entirely sure on that one. Whatever the case, that post was a very unfunny post that had too many inside jokes for my own good, so my apologies. That's mostly the reason I'm writing this entire post, so just ignore everything else. The REAL reason I'm updating this journal is to apologize for writing a completely unfunny post with too many inside jokes on the Hurricane Katrina disaster aka Cajun Apocalpyse 2005!. I hope everyone got that because I just repeated myself twice. Back to the disaster, who'd have thought that because of some shity levees and a hurricane that New Orleans would become the first No Man's Land since Gotham City became one in the Batman comics! If John Carpenter decides to make a third Snake Plisken movie it should be based in New Orleans and called Escape from New Orleans! That should save the Snake Plisken franchise from the hell that was Escape from L.A. with the "L.A." standing for Lacerated Armpits to reflect the feeling of experiencing lacerated armpits while watching that piece of shit sequel. Random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you.
Runner-up: The people who waited in line to get an X-Box 360. Another random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you. AND NOW BACK TO MAKING FUN OF RICH WHITE PEOPLE!
2nd Runner-up: WHEN THE ALIENS INVADED US! Thank God those highly intelligent aliens had buried themselves deep into our earth and totally forgot to calculate the effect our ever changing atmosphere would go through way back when they buried their giant machines of death and destruction underneath the surface. If they hadn't, we probably would've been screwed. Also, thank God they forgot to install filtration systems into their attack machines to filter out the dangerous oxygen that turned out to be the bane of their entire invasion plan. If they hadn't, those things would not have been able to get taken out so easily. Thank God, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, the crazy aliens Scientologists and Mormons believe in, Shiva, Jehovah, Zeus, or that Nobody Atheists believe in for that shit! We'd all be dead for sure! Oh wait...THAT WAS ALL IN A FUCKING MOVIE STARRING TOM "I DID EYES WIDE SHUT WITH NICOLE KIDMAN AND LIKED IT" CRUISE! Random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you. AND NOW BACK TO MAKING FUN OF TOM CRUISE AND RELIGION!
-Best college professor of 2005:
My calculus professor, Professor Chew. Here are a few great quotes and anecdotes (it helps if you imagine this guy with a Chinese accent since he did have one, being Chinese and all): "What is this animal here!" when he was clearly referring to either a problem or number; his habit of always saying, "What the heck is this?!" everytime he's copying a problem down on the board and he has to look at the book for referrence; he was such a great and concerned professor that he insisted on making sure everyone got the problem, so he'd cup his hands over his ears to get better hearing and shout, "Everybody in the back, you got it?" or, "How about everybody in the back?" after already asking the rest of the class if they understood it; his insistence that we're "paying for our education"; everytime he picked up homework, he'd always raise up the stack of papers and say, "Thank you so much for turning in your homework. You spend so much time on it. Thank you."; starting almost every sentence and problem with a loud "OK"; getting chalk broken on him the most out of every teacher and professor I've had in my current 21 years of living; I'm sure there are more if I think about it hard enough, but this update is already getting longer than the Battlefield Earth novel.
Runner-up: My electronics professor, Professor Blackwell. I'm actually being serious for this one.
Alright, I'm finished talking about 2005. Shit, who'd have thought talking more in depth about two things in particular would make this post about as long as every other post I write that everyone reads only halfway through? Now I'm going to conclude with a thought-provoking speech to prepare for 2006: Uhh...2006...here I come? Eh, that's good enough.
"Adamn's Bullshit List of the Best Of Whatever for 2005"
-Best car chase of 2005:
The car chase in Batman Begins. Seriously.
-Actor most screwed over in a film for 2005:
Nicolas Cage. If you don't believe me, check out The Lord of War and The Weather Man.
Runner-up: Tom Cruise for getting stuck with his kids when aliens invaded.
-Most over-played piece of music played on the radio for 2005:
Anything from Green Day's American Idiot. Don't get me wrong, I actually feel American Idiot is the best thing Green Day has ever made and enjoy it, but coming from a guy who barely listens to the radio, everything from their album is played nonstop on it! It needs to stop!
-Worst musician and/or musicians for 2005:
Fall-Out Boy
Runner-up: Fucking Coldplay.
-Most single man of 2005:
Me, of course.
-Laziest man of 2005:
That's me again. Not even counting what little times I updated this journal, I have an internet site that I have to contribute to that I barely do, a comic book project I've yet to really work on, school, and the daily trials and tribulations a loser such as myself has to go through to worry about; I lack motivation and I haven't accomplished much with all that I've listed.
Runner-up: Everyone who works on the Nintendorks website.
-Most overrated video game console of 2005:
The X-Box 360. I'm probably going to get a hate comment from one guy in particular for writing that, but I seriously didn't like this console at all after playing it for a couple of days straight.
Runner-up: My hand.
-Most annoying illegal drug of 2005:
Marijuana. I tire of fucking stoners! The reason I have never smoked a joint in my life is because it makes people I've seen who take it in large doses become stupid low-lives, dammit. If you're stoned right now when reading this, here are two keywords in all caps to help bring my point across: STUPID and LOW-LIFE. Get a fucking education so that you can stop annoying people, or smoke the shit by yourself amongst a small group of other stoners in a small, confined space so all of you can fight to the death on the last bowl after experiencing the increased paranoia some people experience from getting too stoned. And by small group, I mean like 3 and maybe a half. If you feel the need to cut your friend literally in half then be my guess...it'll be one less stoner in the world.
-Most annoying clique of 2005:
Oh, this one is hard because for one, I'm not in high school anymore, but since I'm kind of going on a theme here then it's the stupid stoner.
-Best comedy of 2005:
House of Wax.
-Worst thing on the Internet since the message board for 2005:
http://www.gametap.com - I can seriously get all these games for free on my computer without having to pay for this service. Granted, it would be illegal...but still.
-Best thing on the Internet since free porn for 2005:
http://megami.starcreator.com/nanaca-crash/ - I discovered this little gem early last year. Sure it's based off of a hentai, but that doesn't means it's not fun and addictive. Just remember, stay away from the chick with the glasses when playing, and crank those motherfucking speakers up, foo!
Runner-up: http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/tetka.html
-Best racist of 2005:
President George Dubya Bush for "hating black people."
Runner-up: Kanye West.
2nd runner-up: Jesse Jackson...again.
-Best crisis of 2005:
Ok ok, you all know what I'm going to say because this really wasn't that hard, but I'm not going to say it because you're expecting it. So ha.
Ok ok, I will...the Hurricane Katrina disaster at New Orleans, or as I like to call it, Cajun Apocalypse 2005! Yes indeed, folks, our country was so fucked by this at the time, I'm sure the terrorists are hitting themselves over the head for not thinking of this one themselves. I want to say one of the last times I updated I had talked about this, but I'm not entirely sure on that one. Whatever the case, that post was a very unfunny post that had too many inside jokes for my own good, so my apologies. That's mostly the reason I'm writing this entire post, so just ignore everything else. The REAL reason I'm updating this journal is to apologize for writing a completely unfunny post with too many inside jokes on the Hurricane Katrina disaster aka Cajun Apocalpyse 2005!. I hope everyone got that because I just repeated myself twice. Back to the disaster, who'd have thought that because of some shity levees and a hurricane that New Orleans would become the first No Man's Land since Gotham City became one in the Batman comics! If John Carpenter decides to make a third Snake Plisken movie it should be based in New Orleans and called Escape from New Orleans! That should save the Snake Plisken franchise from the hell that was Escape from L.A. with the "L.A." standing for Lacerated Armpits to reflect the feeling of experiencing lacerated armpits while watching that piece of shit sequel. Random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you.
Runner-up: The people who waited in line to get an X-Box 360. Another random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you. AND NOW BACK TO MAKING FUN OF RICH WHITE PEOPLE!
2nd Runner-up: WHEN THE ALIENS INVADED US! Thank God those highly intelligent aliens had buried themselves deep into our earth and totally forgot to calculate the effect our ever changing atmosphere would go through way back when they buried their giant machines of death and destruction underneath the surface. If they hadn't, we probably would've been screwed. Also, thank God they forgot to install filtration systems into their attack machines to filter out the dangerous oxygen that turned out to be the bane of their entire invasion plan. If they hadn't, those things would not have been able to get taken out so easily. Thank God, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, the crazy aliens Scientologists and Mormons believe in, Shiva, Jehovah, Zeus, or that Nobody Atheists believe in for that shit! We'd all be dead for sure! Oh wait...THAT WAS ALL IN A FUCKING MOVIE STARRING TOM "I DID EYES WIDE SHUT WITH NICOLE KIDMAN AND LIKED IT" CRUISE! Random disclaimer: If you or someone you know is being offended by what I am writing, know that my heart goes out to all those people who lost their homes and loved ones. Thank you. AND NOW BACK TO MAKING FUN OF TOM CRUISE AND RELIGION!
-Best college professor of 2005:
My calculus professor, Professor Chew. Here are a few great quotes and anecdotes (it helps if you imagine this guy with a Chinese accent since he did have one, being Chinese and all): "What is this animal here!" when he was clearly referring to either a problem or number; his habit of always saying, "What the heck is this?!" everytime he's copying a problem down on the board and he has to look at the book for referrence; he was such a great and concerned professor that he insisted on making sure everyone got the problem, so he'd cup his hands over his ears to get better hearing and shout, "Everybody in the back, you got it?" or, "How about everybody in the back?" after already asking the rest of the class if they understood it; his insistence that we're "paying for our education"; everytime he picked up homework, he'd always raise up the stack of papers and say, "Thank you so much for turning in your homework. You spend so much time on it. Thank you."; starting almost every sentence and problem with a loud "OK"; getting chalk broken on him the most out of every teacher and professor I've had in my current 21 years of living; I'm sure there are more if I think about it hard enough, but this update is already getting longer than the Battlefield Earth novel.
Runner-up: My electronics professor, Professor Blackwell. I'm actually being serious for this one.
Alright, I'm finished talking about 2005. Shit, who'd have thought talking more in depth about two things in particular would make this post about as long as every other post I write that everyone reads only halfway through? Now I'm going to conclude with a thought-provoking speech to prepare for 2006: Uhh...2006...here I come? Eh, that's good enough.