The insanity of my past and what caused it.
I was recently thinking about my life and how it went very off course at a certain point. I realize now why this happened. I always had problems in school and I never quite fit in, but I was getting better with all of that before I moved in with my father. He decided to force me to be involved with his church group and their fanatical, judgmental and hateful religious views. The first thing I want to explain here is that people who are bipolar/manic depressive like myself need more time to decompress/defragment their minds than most other people. When I was in high school, I had to go to school every day and then come home and deal with a religiously fanatical father and his church people. It was not every night, but every Thursday night and Sunday morning for at least 2 hours, I was forced to deal with an illogical bullshit religion that I wanted nothing to do with.
I never realized how this fully affected me until now. I had a very bad reaction to all of this. Due to the lack of time to decompress/defragment after school and on weekends, I started skipping school so that I could have more time off. This was never me being lazy or insubordinate, it was me trying to keep my sanity. This caused me numerous problems. I missed school work, got bad grades and was unable to pay attention in class.
By February, 1993, I was so fed up with all of the church shit, that I wanted to leave and move back in with my mother, who incidentally never forced religion on me. My father would not hear of it so I told him that if he did not allow me to leave, I would commit suicide. I realize now that what I should have said was that I would go insane if I was unable to leave his church and therefor him. He put me in Carroll County General 4 west for 2 weeks. When I went back to school, I was treated like a pariah. I was put in one room all day until they could transfer me to a level 5 school. I was unable to continue classes like drivers ed and drama which I was really enjoying.
Once I started at Forbush(a level 5 school), it got worse. Not only did I not have the time I needed because of the church shit, but I also no longer had summers off. It was a year round school. This must have made it worse.
By October of 1993, I began to feel very different. I started getting psychic flashes, visions, dreams and feelings. I started being able to psionically sense things and people. I did not know what that was or why it was happening. The church people were horrible about it. I will say that my father was a bit more supportive than them, but I was definately not fitting in with those people at that point. The problem was that I was not really fitting in with anyone at that point. I only had my mother's theosophical society and her friends to talk to about all of that stuff rationally and they could not be around all the time. I was searching for answers and all I had were TV shows like Highlander and Star Trek TNG/DS9.
My father was also very tight lipped about his experiences with matters of the occult because he did not want me going down that path. So, I got more into the occult on my own and with my friends, none of which really knew what they were doing. My Father's religion, while he felt it was a good thing, it was actually traumatic enough to me that it caused me to create an alternate religion that I became obsessed with and fanatical about. This caused me to lose friends and become even more of an outsider in the church and even in Forbush. I went a bit insane. What I did not realize at the time was that I had what might be considered an understandable psychological reaction to a traumatic event. Rather than a severely abused child creating an alternate personality in order to cope with a horrific event, it was a religiously abused teenager with bipolar disorder creating an alternate religion/belief system that was very creatively constructed in order to cope with a very limiting and hateful religious group that there was no way flee from.
I was oppressed by Pentecostal Christians. They are the worst type of religious fanatics in America. They should be rounded up and re-educated. My whole life was destroyed by these people. The problem is that confronting them now would do nothing. That is one reason why I am writing this post.
Comments are welcome
I never realized how this fully affected me until now. I had a very bad reaction to all of this. Due to the lack of time to decompress/defragment after school and on weekends, I started skipping school so that I could have more time off. This was never me being lazy or insubordinate, it was me trying to keep my sanity. This caused me numerous problems. I missed school work, got bad grades and was unable to pay attention in class.
By February, 1993, I was so fed up with all of the church shit, that I wanted to leave and move back in with my mother, who incidentally never forced religion on me. My father would not hear of it so I told him that if he did not allow me to leave, I would commit suicide. I realize now that what I should have said was that I would go insane if I was unable to leave his church and therefor him. He put me in Carroll County General 4 west for 2 weeks. When I went back to school, I was treated like a pariah. I was put in one room all day until they could transfer me to a level 5 school. I was unable to continue classes like drivers ed and drama which I was really enjoying.
Once I started at Forbush(a level 5 school), it got worse. Not only did I not have the time I needed because of the church shit, but I also no longer had summers off. It was a year round school. This must have made it worse.
By October of 1993, I began to feel very different. I started getting psychic flashes, visions, dreams and feelings. I started being able to psionically sense things and people. I did not know what that was or why it was happening. The church people were horrible about it. I will say that my father was a bit more supportive than them, but I was definately not fitting in with those people at that point. The problem was that I was not really fitting in with anyone at that point. I only had my mother's theosophical society and her friends to talk to about all of that stuff rationally and they could not be around all the time. I was searching for answers and all I had were TV shows like Highlander and Star Trek TNG/DS9.
My father was also very tight lipped about his experiences with matters of the occult because he did not want me going down that path. So, I got more into the occult on my own and with my friends, none of which really knew what they were doing. My Father's religion, while he felt it was a good thing, it was actually traumatic enough to me that it caused me to create an alternate religion that I became obsessed with and fanatical about. This caused me to lose friends and become even more of an outsider in the church and even in Forbush. I went a bit insane. What I did not realize at the time was that I had what might be considered an understandable psychological reaction to a traumatic event. Rather than a severely abused child creating an alternate personality in order to cope with a horrific event, it was a religiously abused teenager with bipolar disorder creating an alternate religion/belief system that was very creatively constructed in order to cope with a very limiting and hateful religious group that there was no way flee from.
I was oppressed by Pentecostal Christians. They are the worst type of religious fanatics in America. They should be rounded up and re-educated. My whole life was destroyed by these people. The problem is that confronting them now would do nothing. That is one reason why I am writing this post.
Comments are welcome