Pathetic Sniffling Wuss Magazine
PSWM Special Earth Shakers and News makers edition
A message from the editor: I was sound asleep. My brain was absolute mush and basically numb when I attemtped to wake up. All the sudden Jimmy the Intern is tapping me on the shoulder with an important phone call. "Sir!"
Sir!" he yelled something big has happened. I proceded to be grumpy at the intern like I always am and said "Get the fuck out of my office you little prick." "Sir!" "Sir!" This is big, this is HUGE! Tim Hasler has left the state sir."
=-O
Tim Hasler loses Slim Jim Lazy Man of The Year Award
Tim Hasler has done the unthinkable, the unimaginable.... No Hasler didn't go to the grocery store. No, Hasler wasn't seen out in public getting hammered at a local bar socializing with people. NO, Tim Hasler decided to drive out-of-the-state to meet a sorierity girl that attends Ohio State University. The recepient of the Slim Jim Lazy Man of the Year award the last three years, has lost his award according to CEO.
"Working and driving long distances to meet some girl isn't representive behavior of someone who wins this award," CEO of Slim Jim Dan Haggleberg said. "Going to bed and sleeping all day is more what we look for when we give this award to someone. Tim didn't examplify the behaviors of a Slim Jim Lazy Man of the Year award. Therefore, we are going to give this to a worthier person than him."
The whole faisco began when Hasler was playing a typical game of Everquest and he was interacting with this girl from a sorierity at Ohio State.
"Basically, she said she was interested in meeting me," Hasler said. "Basically she decided to come down here and "hang out." Bascially, it was fun."
The hanging out made Hasler ambitious.
"Basically, I felt alive again," Hasler said. "Basically, I was refreshed and basically she was hot so I started thinking when I was requested to make an appareance at Ohio State that I should."
Hasler left that morning making the six hour trek to Ohio.
"The six hour trip was insanely difficult," an elated Hasler said after the trip. "Basically, I feel like I finished the Tour De France. Six hours of having to focus on the traffic lanes that's a lot of work for me. I stopped at every rest stop I saw to get refreshed and replinished because it took a lot out of me. Basically, I just didn't give and I kept on trucking. It was amazing that I made the trip and now I have to go six hours because. OH NO that's like more work how will I ever do it. I will continue to keep telling myself to keep on plowing forward and never quit. When I got to the Illinois/Indiana border I was overjoyed because I thought of how much I had gone through and how much adversity I had to get to this point. Then I realized OH NO I still have to go through another state. OH NO! Once I got to Ohio I was overjoyed it was amazing accomplishment in my life getting that far. I know I can overcome opsticals and the 6 hour trip had many opsticals. Basically, there is a lot outside of Peoria it was amazing all the things I saw. They even have double gulps at a 711 it is incredible."
Hasler is still amazed.
"I am really amazed," Hasler said. "Basically, we a quick strike to my keyboard I turned all my luck around basically. I can't believe that I achieved what I did and met the girl I met. Basically, she is an amazing woman and I will make that six hour trip to see her."
A message from the editor: I was sound asleep. My brain was absolute mush and basically numb when I attemtped to wake up. All the sudden Jimmy the Intern is tapping me on the shoulder with an important phone call. "Sir!"
Sir!" he yelled something big has happened. I proceded to be grumpy at the intern like I always am and said "Get the fuck out of my office you little prick." "Sir!" "Sir!" This is big, this is HUGE! Tim Hasler has left the state sir."
=-O
Tim Hasler loses Slim Jim Lazy Man of The Year Award
Tim Hasler has done the unthinkable, the unimaginable.... No Hasler didn't go to the grocery store. No, Hasler wasn't seen out in public getting hammered at a local bar socializing with people. NO, Tim Hasler decided to drive out-of-the-state to meet a sorierity girl that attends Ohio State University. The recepient of the Slim Jim Lazy Man of the Year award the last three years, has lost his award according to CEO.
"Working and driving long distances to meet some girl isn't representive behavior of someone who wins this award," CEO of Slim Jim Dan Haggleberg said. "Going to bed and sleeping all day is more what we look for when we give this award to someone. Tim didn't examplify the behaviors of a Slim Jim Lazy Man of the Year award. Therefore, we are going to give this to a worthier person than him."
The whole faisco began when Hasler was playing a typical game of Everquest and he was interacting with this girl from a sorierity at Ohio State.
"Basically, she said she was interested in meeting me," Hasler said. "Basically she decided to come down here and "hang out." Bascially, it was fun."
The hanging out made Hasler ambitious.
"Basically, I felt alive again," Hasler said. "Basically, I was refreshed and basically she was hot so I started thinking when I was requested to make an appareance at Ohio State that I should."
Hasler left that morning making the six hour trek to Ohio.
"The six hour trip was insanely difficult," an elated Hasler said after the trip. "Basically, I feel like I finished the Tour De France. Six hours of having to focus on the traffic lanes that's a lot of work for me. I stopped at every rest stop I saw to get refreshed and replinished because it took a lot out of me. Basically, I just didn't give and I kept on trucking. It was amazing that I made the trip and now I have to go six hours because. OH NO that's like more work how will I ever do it. I will continue to keep telling myself to keep on plowing forward and never quit. When I got to the Illinois/Indiana border I was overjoyed because I thought of how much I had gone through and how much adversity I had to get to this point. Then I realized OH NO I still have to go through another state. OH NO! Once I got to Ohio I was overjoyed it was amazing accomplishment in my life getting that far. I know I can overcome opsticals and the 6 hour trip had many opsticals. Basically, there is a lot outside of Peoria it was amazing all the things I saw. They even have double gulps at a 711 it is incredible."
Hasler is still amazed.
"I am really amazed," Hasler said. "Basically, we a quick strike to my keyboard I turned all my luck around basically. I can't believe that I achieved what I did and met the girl I met. Basically, she is an amazing woman and I will make that six hour trip to see her."