(no subject)
so i went to pick him up from that girls house cause i needed to talk to him about everything that was going on. so i went there and i had to go inside which i wasnt looking forward to cause i knew it'd be really akward seeing them together. and yup there they were on the basement floor under blankets together. yeah whatever. then i said my hello and goodbye and wanted to just leave right then because ugh they had to hug in front of me and blah he hugged her so tight and he never hugged me like that so i was about to go crazy. so i decided to wait for jedd in the car. so he got in and didnt know what to say. so i pretended like nothing was wrong. i really wanted to wait to talk to him till we were somewhere where we could sit and talk other than just sitting in my car as i am driving. so i told him that but as time went on we were both saying nothing so just decided that i couldnt wait and i started talking about what was going on. so i told him i needed to ask him something and i did. i asked him: "did you kiss ______?" and he said yes right away. faster than i thought he would've. i asked him when and i guess it was when he was over at his friends house staying over. yeah he was staying over at a girls house?? anyways, i guess they were flirting for awhile then she kissed him. so i asked him if he stopped her and he said no. right then i dont know i felt like my stomach just drop again. i wanted to just cry the whole entire car ride. and yeah he says he likes her now. which i dont get how like a week ago he can kiss me and have all these feelings, get my hopes up and now hes going to just move on to some other girl? he knows how i feel about him, and i know he just wants to be friends but then why did he do all that? he kept saying he HAD those feelings for me. but where did they go and why did they go? what did i do wrong to make him stop liking me so suddenly? i really dont get it. and the whole time his answers were very minimal. he didnt say much other than i dont know, or im sorry. that doesnt do much. and he kept saying that if i had anything to say that i should say it but it seems like thes the one holding back his thoughts. i mean is that all he honestly had to say? he couldnt have said more? but whatever its not like there was anything he could say to make me happy about the situation. i bet they will end up going out because i get screwed over like that when it comes to guys. then he will probably never talk to me again. and i can guarentee you hes probably annoyed with me so much right now. but i just dont see how a persons feelings can change so fast after a few days. i just wish this wasnt happening. i saw myself being so happy with him and now i cant stand to think about him without feeling sick to my stomach. this is the worst feeling i think ive had in awhile. i dont know what to do with all these thoughts im having. tonite i dont think i'll fall asleep very well. because thats when i'll have time to think and thats when i will go crazy and probably cry because i am such a loser like that. ugh i just want to find a guy who wont hurt me. i thought he would be that way. i didnt think i'd ever have to worry about any of this. but i was wrong. i was wrong about the whole situation.