Ladder 49

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Well tonight, i went to see ladder 49. Everyone was busy or not available so i went alone like old times because i really wanted to see this movie. Let me just say that it was phenonmenal. It is the epitomy of a well lived life. I'm sitting there and im seeing this guy start as a fireman and how close he gets with all of the guys at the fire house. So that got me first. Jesus, there is no greater feeling for me than to have friends, chums. You know hanging witht he boyz. And what a great job where every day i would go and have the thing that makes me the most happy. These guys were like brothers. I mean, they get together for everything, each ones family is the other. They all know, love, and care for each other. It's like they're sharing each others lives. And i saw this and i thought, man, thats what i love, hanging with my friends and having people to count on. I've always wanted to say to my future wife, "yea im going out to have a few drinks with the boys." It made me think about how dull other lifestyles are. It made me think about how much i want to grow up find someone i love, have a shit load of friends, and have all of us sharing our families with each other. You know, im uncle jeff to james, who is my friends son, no relation. That kinda stuff. There was a point in my life when i didnt think about any of this stuff. But now i do. But now i do. I used to wonder who was going to be my best man at my wedding, i used to wonder about that stuff. But now i dont. Now i dont because i HAVE a shit load of friends. But i dont want to turn this into that type of thing again. You know, im going to be happy, the happiest i will ever be, when i can share my life with people, whether it be the people im with now or new people later. Im not afraid anymore, because i have the courage now to be able to let go of the old and let in the new. Like i said, there was a time when i didnt think about what would make me HAPPY. The way we all do stuff together, like go on picnics to parks, go to the movies, have parties, the way we organized ourselves so that we dont loose each other, thats what i want for the future, just with wives and kids mixed in. And it may be with the people we are with now or it may not, im not worried about that, but my goal is to make sure it does happen, with whomever. I want to be someone worth being, and i want a life, worth living. Patience and trust is all i need.

wouldnt think about this a year ago