(no subject)
Alright, is it just me? I dont know. But, it seems (to me) that the group has gone to shit ever since i came in. And im not saying this looking for someone for to pity me, or for someone to say thats not true, or for attention (as some might think). Just here me out.
I wouldnt have indirectly brought up old memories for diane, and she would have been just fine dealing by not dealing. Ryan would have been just fine till i came along and rocked the boat of his life. It would have been easier for him to be with rachel, none of those fights would have happended. Rachel, you would have just known me from forensics, and wouldnt have to deal with any of my problems what so ever. Dan, you wouldnt have been mad at me, and who knows, you could still be chaz and ryans close friends. Chaz, you wouldnt have had to put up with me, listen to problems, or dealt with my blowing up shit. Sean, you might have stayed together with theresa. Theresa, you might not have hated me, we wouldnt have had to deal with the drama of our little going out experience. Liz, you would have just been mad at me for poking you in history. Kelly, you wouldnt be mad at me. AJ, ryan, chaz, you wouldnt have had to put up with my never ending fuck. Bill wouldnt have gotten in trouble pulling a prank on ryan. Hailey, you wouldnt have known me hardly so you probably wouldnt get freaked out alot by me. But most of all, you ALL wouldnt have had to deal with the drama I CAUSED.
But let me say, that im not trying to say that i regret being part of the group. You all are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The good and the bad. I do regret all the pain and struggle that i have cuased in everyones life though. But for some people, if it will make their lives happier, less drama filled, and less filled with pain, then i am willing to let go now. Just tell me. But im not trying to make a point that im going to try and stop doing things with the group, because thats not what i want to do. and then i know there will be some of you that will say to me why do i look at all the bad, look at the good that has come out of the group with you being in it.
Diane and I being good friends and having someone to talk to. Helping ryan through tough times in his life as he helped me. Helping him get together with rachel. Becoming better friends with chaz. Saturday night drives. Poker on the weekends. Becomign better friends with a lot of people, hailey, bill, sean. The short time i had with theresa. The confidense to finally have a party at my house. A better friendship with rachel, zwally, vasilhoff, kelly, and liz. But above all, HAVING friends that i can call up and do anything with. Having friends that will be there for you. Having friends that YOU can be there for.
When you look at it that way the good out does the bad. But sometimes i think it might have been better without me. JUST SOMETIMES NOT ALL THE TIME. LOL. But yea, you couldnt have the good times without the bad, and you cant have the bad times without the good. I love my life, and its because of all of you.
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING MY FRIEND