This year
To me, the start of a new year commences September 1st. That's the time vacation finally stops, school finally starts up again, and there is the potential of a new fresh start. This year, even though I accomplished a lot and felt very successful, felt like a huge anti-climax.
I spoke better French than I ever have before and felt like I broke through my language barrier, which was always an issue in the past for me, but I felt extremely ignored and frankly quite depressed in France this year. And frankly, I feel like I lived hugely in my brothers shadows. Nobody should have to feel like they're second best, but I certainly did. A friend told me that my bro has a contagious laugh, that you automatically get attracted to him and listen to him when he speaks. How I wish I had that talent, but no. I always have to speak up or do something extra to make sure I'm heard.
I took better pictures than I ever have and gained a huge amount of knowledge in Photography, but I've never felt more like I wasn't looked at in the end. A lot of people praised me but what's the point if at the end of the year nobody actually says goodbye to me?
I got my first job and made a lot of money, but I didn't get to spend it like I wanted to.
Now this one really kills me- Last year for cons I was always running around doing shoots with strangers and trying so hard to expand and meet new people, and I did, after a shit ton of stress, the loss of 2 external hard drives and a lot of effort and money on my part. This year, I calmed down cause the stress wasn't what I wanted, and for that I feel like I didn't get to live out the adventure I always crave. I came to the hard conclusion that things don't ever just come to me as they do to many people who live around me. I've always had to work hard and stress for it. That's not a problem, in fact that's what people call character building and makes you a stronger person. However, this becomes a problem when you have to fight the same way to actually regain respect from people you have been close friends with since HighSchool, or remind people that though I don't have the same addictive personality as other folks, I still have a lot of value, and I shouldn't have to live on a 1 way street for me to prove that to others.
This year was great and all, but I had a constant battle within me that was either change myself to appeal to people, or find other people who I appeal to the way I am.
I'm making next year better for myself. I know I deserve better.
I spoke better French than I ever have before and felt like I broke through my language barrier, which was always an issue in the past for me, but I felt extremely ignored and frankly quite depressed in France this year. And frankly, I feel like I lived hugely in my brothers shadows. Nobody should have to feel like they're second best, but I certainly did. A friend told me that my bro has a contagious laugh, that you automatically get attracted to him and listen to him when he speaks. How I wish I had that talent, but no. I always have to speak up or do something extra to make sure I'm heard.
I took better pictures than I ever have and gained a huge amount of knowledge in Photography, but I've never felt more like I wasn't looked at in the end. A lot of people praised me but what's the point if at the end of the year nobody actually says goodbye to me?
I got my first job and made a lot of money, but I didn't get to spend it like I wanted to.
Now this one really kills me- Last year for cons I was always running around doing shoots with strangers and trying so hard to expand and meet new people, and I did, after a shit ton of stress, the loss of 2 external hard drives and a lot of effort and money on my part. This year, I calmed down cause the stress wasn't what I wanted, and for that I feel like I didn't get to live out the adventure I always crave. I came to the hard conclusion that things don't ever just come to me as they do to many people who live around me. I've always had to work hard and stress for it. That's not a problem, in fact that's what people call character building and makes you a stronger person. However, this becomes a problem when you have to fight the same way to actually regain respect from people you have been close friends with since HighSchool, or remind people that though I don't have the same addictive personality as other folks, I still have a lot of value, and I shouldn't have to live on a 1 way street for me to prove that to others.
This year was great and all, but I had a constant battle within me that was either change myself to appeal to people, or find other people who I appeal to the way I am.
I'm making next year better for myself. I know I deserve better.