(no subject)
{School/Work - The sinking ships of my shining fleet}
I can't keep making excuses as to why I'm not focused at school and why i'm so apathetic at work. I can't blame Jess, I can't blame my friends, I choose to be out so late. I make the decision to update my journal at 1am rather than get the extra sleep. Its just that sometimes taking those things in and enjoying life means so much more. Besides things got better today. I actually accomplished something in class, I actually spoke to my instructor who (like my managers at work) I've been at odds with the last month or so. And since everything is smooth at circuit city although I haven't decided to stay the rest of the year as of yet, I at least know I won't be ousted.
{Philosophy - A hermit crabs destination (in short)}
I was talking with a friend today about depression, of all things, and since I consider myself at this point at least a recovering depressio I was able to look in on their situation and notice the parallels of my former and still mild condition. I'd say for at least the last twelve months (save the last few) I spent most of my time alone. In all honesty i've spent most of my life alone, but by this I mean in the literal sense. I'd be in my room right from school until it was time for work and if there was no work than that just meant I'd sleep an extra six or so hours. That became my coffin, I spent more time there than anywhere else. Adapting to it. I became so used to that room and that solitude that it became hard, sometimes impossible to leave it. I was uncomfortable around people, because of course they weren't part of my routine, I avoided most conversations and unfamiliar faces. So when the time came where I was forced to be around them I paniced and begged to be under the covers, face between the pillows. It wasn't unitl early last may that I made a horrible decision that forced me to change these things. I wasn't alone I wouldn't have made it here if that were so. So I realized we're doing this to ourselves (by ourselves I mean my fellow depressios) its not entirely our faults I suppose. I mean hiding away is after all the one thing you want to do when things get that way. But its not helping, our bodies do need the rest but you're losing your mind. Keeping it between those walls. If hiding is all you can muster than at least find someone to hide with you.
{Hand in Hand - The loveliest melody}
I can't really describe the experience. I haven't absorbed it completely and understood it to its full extent. Its the romance and the beauty conor always talks about. I thought those were just words, he imagined, he dreamt up or wished were true. I've gotten past happiness, in fact I think I may have skipped it all together. This is more like relief. Relief that these feelings still exist inside of me. I thought they were killed off completely. They're stronger than ever. Now I know what I want.
I can't keep making excuses as to why I'm not focused at school and why i'm so apathetic at work. I can't blame Jess, I can't blame my friends, I choose to be out so late. I make the decision to update my journal at 1am rather than get the extra sleep. Its just that sometimes taking those things in and enjoying life means so much more. Besides things got better today. I actually accomplished something in class, I actually spoke to my instructor who (like my managers at work) I've been at odds with the last month or so. And since everything is smooth at circuit city although I haven't decided to stay the rest of the year as of yet, I at least know I won't be ousted.
{Philosophy - A hermit crabs destination (in short)}
I was talking with a friend today about depression, of all things, and since I consider myself at this point at least a recovering depressio I was able to look in on their situation and notice the parallels of my former and still mild condition. I'd say for at least the last twelve months (save the last few) I spent most of my time alone. In all honesty i've spent most of my life alone, but by this I mean in the literal sense. I'd be in my room right from school until it was time for work and if there was no work than that just meant I'd sleep an extra six or so hours. That became my coffin, I spent more time there than anywhere else. Adapting to it. I became so used to that room and that solitude that it became hard, sometimes impossible to leave it. I was uncomfortable around people, because of course they weren't part of my routine, I avoided most conversations and unfamiliar faces. So when the time came where I was forced to be around them I paniced and begged to be under the covers, face between the pillows. It wasn't unitl early last may that I made a horrible decision that forced me to change these things. I wasn't alone I wouldn't have made it here if that were so. So I realized we're doing this to ourselves (by ourselves I mean my fellow depressios) its not entirely our faults I suppose. I mean hiding away is after all the one thing you want to do when things get that way. But its not helping, our bodies do need the rest but you're losing your mind. Keeping it between those walls. If hiding is all you can muster than at least find someone to hide with you.
{Hand in Hand - The loveliest melody}
I can't really describe the experience. I haven't absorbed it completely and understood it to its full extent. Its the romance and the beauty conor always talks about. I thought those were just words, he imagined, he dreamt up or wished were true. I've gotten past happiness, in fact I think I may have skipped it all together. This is more like relief. Relief that these feelings still exist inside of me. I thought they were killed off completely. They're stronger than ever. Now I know what I want.