no thought was put into this
Wow how far you've come, or not at all. The same repetitious negativity towards our futures. Gets old. And we rely on the same outlets although some have had to go for their risks outweighed their benefits. But it seems to hit at this time every year, all this hope building up to another disappointing outcome. But you had fun. or you altered your memories in such a way that you convinced yourself that that night of inebriation was an absolute blast but for all you know you were miserable. And you're bound to have yet another amazing experience with the right mixture of chemicals and liquids. You wake up feeling drained like a 9 year old girl drove a semi through your brain hitting key points only by accident which might take several days or weeks to fully recover from. Or maybe the state puts you on sanctioned medicines which only sedate the internal horror of permanent damage. But when you're high you're high and when you're spent on the drugs and you hate even the smell of alcohol, you beg for that cartoon comfort, the innocence and ignorance you once felt. The more you know the scarier this place is. So don't ask those ridiculous questions, the answers would kill the suspense that keeps us going. We're all going somewhere, and lately i've understood those that leave us voluntarily a little better. Its impulsive. Not always thought out to the tiny details. And this place is only as good as you see it. You're in total control. Until you lose control. And thats where I am. They say its going to go away. One way or another. For those of you who have monitored my every move through this nightmare sequence, I appreciate your compassion, understanding, and love. And everytime I've felt like walking away from this miserable place i've put myself, You're the ones I think about and attribute with my life.