Hit the switch.
I'm staring out into that vacuum again
from the backporch of my mind,
the only thing that's alive, I'm all there is.
And I start attacking my vodka,
stab the ice with my straw.
My eyes have turned red as stoplights,
you seem ready to walk.
You know I'll call you eventually,
when I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible.
'Cause there's this switch that gets hit
and it all stops making sense.
And in the middle of drinks,
maybe the fifth or the sixth,
I'm completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing, nothing.
Well, I need a break from the city again,
I think I'll ship myself back west.
I've got a friend there, she says,
"Hey anytime".
Unless that offer's expired,
I have been less than frequent.
She's under no obligation to indulge every whim.
And I'm so ungrateful, I take,
she gives and forgives
and I keep forgetting it.
And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe,
something lovely that bloomed in her beautiful mind.
I say, "I'll trade you one for two nightmares of mine."
I have somewhere I die,
I have somewhere we all die.
I'm thinking of quitting drinking again,
I know I've said that a couple of times.
And I'm always changing my mind,
well, I guess I am.
But there's this burn in my stomach
and there's this pain in my side,
and when I kneel at the toilet
and the morning's clean light
pours in through the window,
sometimes I pray I don't die.
I'm a goddamn hypocrite.
But then night rolls around and it all starts making sense.
There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live.
And so I do what I do, and at least I exist,
what could mean more than this?
What would mean more, mean more?
[[ I'm heading out to Black Rock today.
Disneyworld tomorrow.
Part of me wants everyone to stop calling,
and leave me the hell alone for a few days.
Part of me needs someone by my side,
just to sit with me and be with me.
I can't believe it's only been a month, and I'm already falling apart.]]