(no subject)
I really need to start writing in here again.
Since it has been so long since I have written here I guess I should do a catch up post.
Let's see. I don't really do much besides work, watch bad television and sit in front of this stupid laptop. I've been at Bravo, an italian restaurant, for three years this month. I can't believe I'm going to be 25 and I'm only a fucking waitress. It kills me. Yet I have done absolutely nothing to change that.
I am starting school in January. I finally decided what I want to do with my life. I am going to get a psychology degree and then take steps after that. I have to start at a 2 year then move to a university. I don't really want to go to school but my options with out it are minimal. I wish my parents would have forced me to go to school right away. I wouldn't be in this mess. But then again, who knows where I would be. I might be some teacher or something. Nothing against teachers. I used to want to be one but I now know I would hate that.
Emotionally my current state is okay. I'm not terribly happy but I'm not doing too bad either. I've been better, I've been worse. I've had weird anger issues lately. There seems to be a constant blood boiling feeling. Everything is always irritating. I hate sleeping, I hate being awake, I don't want to do anything but I am always bored. A couple beers usually helps me feel better. Which scares me a little.
Romantic status. I've been single for waywayway too long. The past couple of years have been extremely lonely and pathetic. There have been minor fling type of things. But nothing serious since Nick. All my friends are getting married and I can't even get a fucking date.
I've actually been seeing this guy off and on for a few months. His name is Escobar and I do like him but it's not very likely that we're going to get any more serious than we already are. I work with him which actually sucks. He makes me laugh a lot and I love that. But we have a huge language barrier issue. He's been living in the US for 5 years so he knows a lot of english, but he doesn't know everything. And I know very little spanish. I have noticed that since we've been talking I have picked up a lot. But it's not enough. He gets really frustrated when I don't know what he's saying or I ask him to repeat himself. And he gets frustrated because he always has to speak english and I never speak spanish. But he doesn't understand that I'm starting for level one of spanish. I started with knowing "hola, como estas?" and that's about it. I'm trying, I really am but seeing this incredibly impatient side of him makes it hard for me to want to keep trying.
I don't know. I do really like him and I would love if things worked but I don't think they are going to. And maybe I just want things to work because I don't want to be alone anymore. Which isn't the right mindset but I'm sick of feeling like there is something wrong with me. I know I would be a great girlfriend. I just want to know what is keeping everyone else from knowing that.
I feel like a raging cliche right now, but I guess it's called a cliche for a reason.
Well. I feel a little better saying some of that out loud. Here's to hoping I keep this shit up. I would really like it if I did.
A few things I really like right now.
I am watching the first two seasons of Mad Men which really makes me want a cigarette even though I know one puff in I would want to vomit. Anyway, it's a good show.
Florence and the Machine. Really good album. I dig it.
Facebook applications. Speaking of, I think my blueberries are about ready to harvest.
Since it has been so long since I have written here I guess I should do a catch up post.
Let's see. I don't really do much besides work, watch bad television and sit in front of this stupid laptop. I've been at Bravo, an italian restaurant, for three years this month. I can't believe I'm going to be 25 and I'm only a fucking waitress. It kills me. Yet I have done absolutely nothing to change that.
I am starting school in January. I finally decided what I want to do with my life. I am going to get a psychology degree and then take steps after that. I have to start at a 2 year then move to a university. I don't really want to go to school but my options with out it are minimal. I wish my parents would have forced me to go to school right away. I wouldn't be in this mess. But then again, who knows where I would be. I might be some teacher or something. Nothing against teachers. I used to want to be one but I now know I would hate that.
Emotionally my current state is okay. I'm not terribly happy but I'm not doing too bad either. I've been better, I've been worse. I've had weird anger issues lately. There seems to be a constant blood boiling feeling. Everything is always irritating. I hate sleeping, I hate being awake, I don't want to do anything but I am always bored. A couple beers usually helps me feel better. Which scares me a little.
Romantic status. I've been single for waywayway too long. The past couple of years have been extremely lonely and pathetic. There have been minor fling type of things. But nothing serious since Nick. All my friends are getting married and I can't even get a fucking date.
I've actually been seeing this guy off and on for a few months. His name is Escobar and I do like him but it's not very likely that we're going to get any more serious than we already are. I work with him which actually sucks. He makes me laugh a lot and I love that. But we have a huge language barrier issue. He's been living in the US for 5 years so he knows a lot of english, but he doesn't know everything. And I know very little spanish. I have noticed that since we've been talking I have picked up a lot. But it's not enough. He gets really frustrated when I don't know what he's saying or I ask him to repeat himself. And he gets frustrated because he always has to speak english and I never speak spanish. But he doesn't understand that I'm starting for level one of spanish. I started with knowing "hola, como estas?" and that's about it. I'm trying, I really am but seeing this incredibly impatient side of him makes it hard for me to want to keep trying.
I don't know. I do really like him and I would love if things worked but I don't think they are going to. And maybe I just want things to work because I don't want to be alone anymore. Which isn't the right mindset but I'm sick of feeling like there is something wrong with me. I know I would be a great girlfriend. I just want to know what is keeping everyone else from knowing that.
I feel like a raging cliche right now, but I guess it's called a cliche for a reason.
Well. I feel a little better saying some of that out loud. Here's to hoping I keep this shit up. I would really like it if I did.
A few things I really like right now.
I am watching the first two seasons of Mad Men which really makes me want a cigarette even though I know one puff in I would want to vomit. Anyway, it's a good show.
Florence and the Machine. Really good album. I dig it.
Facebook applications. Speaking of, I think my blueberries are about ready to harvest.