These are the Reasons
This is why I don't join clubs.
This is why I don't do team sports, or hang out with people outside of class, or join forums and chatrooms.
Because no matter how hard I try, how much effort I put forth or don't, I always walk away from such encounters feeling...somehow less than I did when I went in. I always end up feeling small, and unwelcome.
My problem, I think, is this: I am an overly enthusiastic academic. I don't like subjects. I love them. Or, I loathe them. There is rarely an in-between.
One of the subjects that I love, is Japan. Anything Japan. Pop media to ancient history, I am interested in it all. I love the food, am curious about their taboos, want to study the language again, find their humor humorous.
So, when I walk away after the first Japanese Culture Association meeting feeling putdown...well, there's something wrong with that. And no matter how much I try to convince myself that it wasn't personal, wasn't meant as an attack of any kind, the fact remains that I feel, as usual, excluded. This is supposed to be college. That sort of narrow-mindedness has no place on an university campus!
I'm right, really. It wasn't personal. I know that, I really do. But when I'm trying to contribute to your dwindling group discussion, even though my experience was in Taiwan, not Japan, your "Well, I meant people who had been on exchange in Japan," really......well, it was kind of a slap in the face, I'm not gonna lie. No, I'm not enrolled in a Japanese language course (yet), I'm taking Chinese. No, I haven't spent a year in Japan (I spent it in Taiwan). No, I am not the president of the JCA (wouldn't want to be). But for someone with senior standing, and who is supposedly an experienced member of the club which--by your own admission--didn't do too hot last year, I would expect a more welcoming attitude, not one that is so careless and injurious.
I wanted to go to Japan. You have no idea how long I've wanted to go. There are times I want to go so badly that it hurts, physically, to know that I can't just hop on a plane and do it.
Since I was nine.
Since I was nine years old, I have not only known that I wanted to go to Japan, but have had specific locations chosen. How many ten year olds in the U.S. know that Kyoto was the old capital of Japan? For that matter, how many know that the modern capital is Tokyo? I did, and I wanted to see them both. I wanted to see shrines, wanted to ride the subway, wanted to play at the park with the stone dinosaurs, wanted to visit the Odaiba Convention Center. Since before I was in double digits. While I was busily planning my imaginary itinerary, Miss Japanese Association President, I bet you were still blissfully unaware of even the idea of Japan. Most ten year olds have a very loose grasp on the concept of "foreign culture" unless they've grown up in one, or have otherwise experienced multiculturalism.
So, to have that verbal slap in the face, at the very first meeting, after I had already been unimpressed with your shrinking, meek, submissive posturing, your utter lack of organizational skills, your annoying habit of trailing off mid-sentence into mumbling, and your snobbery and absolute egotism regarding another student while he was absent from the room...
Well, I don't know if I'll be going to next week's meeting.
This is why I don't do team sports, or hang out with people outside of class, or join forums and chatrooms.
Because no matter how hard I try, how much effort I put forth or don't, I always walk away from such encounters feeling...somehow less than I did when I went in. I always end up feeling small, and unwelcome.
My problem, I think, is this: I am an overly enthusiastic academic. I don't like subjects. I love them. Or, I loathe them. There is rarely an in-between.
One of the subjects that I love, is Japan. Anything Japan. Pop media to ancient history, I am interested in it all. I love the food, am curious about their taboos, want to study the language again, find their humor humorous.
So, when I walk away after the first Japanese Culture Association meeting feeling putdown...well, there's something wrong with that. And no matter how much I try to convince myself that it wasn't personal, wasn't meant as an attack of any kind, the fact remains that I feel, as usual, excluded. This is supposed to be college. That sort of narrow-mindedness has no place on an university campus!
I'm right, really. It wasn't personal. I know that, I really do. But when I'm trying to contribute to your dwindling group discussion, even though my experience was in Taiwan, not Japan, your "Well, I meant people who had been on exchange in Japan," really......well, it was kind of a slap in the face, I'm not gonna lie. No, I'm not enrolled in a Japanese language course (yet), I'm taking Chinese. No, I haven't spent a year in Japan (I spent it in Taiwan). No, I am not the president of the JCA (wouldn't want to be). But for someone with senior standing, and who is supposedly an experienced member of the club which--by your own admission--didn't do too hot last year, I would expect a more welcoming attitude, not one that is so careless and injurious.
I wanted to go to Japan. You have no idea how long I've wanted to go. There are times I want to go so badly that it hurts, physically, to know that I can't just hop on a plane and do it.
Since I was nine.
Since I was nine years old, I have not only known that I wanted to go to Japan, but have had specific locations chosen. How many ten year olds in the U.S. know that Kyoto was the old capital of Japan? For that matter, how many know that the modern capital is Tokyo? I did, and I wanted to see them both. I wanted to see shrines, wanted to ride the subway, wanted to play at the park with the stone dinosaurs, wanted to visit the Odaiba Convention Center. Since before I was in double digits. While I was busily planning my imaginary itinerary, Miss Japanese Association President, I bet you were still blissfully unaware of even the idea of Japan. Most ten year olds have a very loose grasp on the concept of "foreign culture" unless they've grown up in one, or have otherwise experienced multiculturalism.
So, to have that verbal slap in the face, at the very first meeting, after I had already been unimpressed with your shrinking, meek, submissive posturing, your utter lack of organizational skills, your annoying habit of trailing off mid-sentence into mumbling, and your snobbery and absolute egotism regarding another student while he was absent from the room...
Well, I don't know if I'll be going to next week's meeting.