Reflection time
So it's been a few weeks since my break up. I have felt like myself for the most part but still find myself thinking of her.
Of course ill be thinking of her every now and then but sometimes I wonder how she's been affected by all this. I just want to know in a way that I made some kind of impact on her life. I feel hurt when I think that she is already completely over me. I wish I could be just as fickle. She already tried to add me on FB again but I feel like If I accept her friend request it'll just make things easier for her to move on. I truly do not want to be looked at as another one of her ex boyfriends that always stops in on fb or Skype for a quick chat. It's pathetic. I don't know wether to forgive her or not. The obvious choice is to forgive her no doubt about it, but I still feel extremely hurt and the emotional bruising has yet to feel less swollen. I see pictures of her through mutal friends and it kills me to see her living life like nothing ever happened. I will not be able to accept her request because it hurts too much to see her living happily without me while I suffer silently with friends that really don't give a shit. "Oh whatever, on to the next", "oh she was cheating", "plenty of fish in the sea". If I could get over a chick with a simple phrase or mantra I would consider these statements more than just lame cliches. Everyone is unique and Im really trying to not feel so jaded about women In General. Until I can feel a sense of pride in my singleness I will not be able to be friends with her. As much as I want to, my stomach can't handle it. I've been good at storing all my emotions away to move on but sometimes they pile up and there's nothing I cold do but to vent on livejournal. No one truly listens, except my pal that was on acid the other night. He was very intuitive to my feelings and really communicated with me a sense of empathy. I'm torn between forgiveness and teaching her a lesson. I will have to live with how she made me feel, the good and the bad. She will also have to live with her own choices, I forgive and could never hurt her but I think she needs to be hurt the same way I have in my past relationships to gain any sort of perspective of the other side. Letting her go truly will always be the hardest step to my full recovery.
Of course ill be thinking of her every now and then but sometimes I wonder how she's been affected by all this. I just want to know in a way that I made some kind of impact on her life. I feel hurt when I think that she is already completely over me. I wish I could be just as fickle. She already tried to add me on FB again but I feel like If I accept her friend request it'll just make things easier for her to move on. I truly do not want to be looked at as another one of her ex boyfriends that always stops in on fb or Skype for a quick chat. It's pathetic. I don't know wether to forgive her or not. The obvious choice is to forgive her no doubt about it, but I still feel extremely hurt and the emotional bruising has yet to feel less swollen. I see pictures of her through mutal friends and it kills me to see her living life like nothing ever happened. I will not be able to accept her request because it hurts too much to see her living happily without me while I suffer silently with friends that really don't give a shit. "Oh whatever, on to the next", "oh she was cheating", "plenty of fish in the sea". If I could get over a chick with a simple phrase or mantra I would consider these statements more than just lame cliches. Everyone is unique and Im really trying to not feel so jaded about women In General. Until I can feel a sense of pride in my singleness I will not be able to be friends with her. As much as I want to, my stomach can't handle it. I've been good at storing all my emotions away to move on but sometimes they pile up and there's nothing I cold do but to vent on livejournal. No one truly listens, except my pal that was on acid the other night. He was very intuitive to my feelings and really communicated with me a sense of empathy. I'm torn between forgiveness and teaching her a lesson. I will have to live with how she made me feel, the good and the bad. She will also have to live with her own choices, I forgive and could never hurt her but I think she needs to be hurt the same way I have in my past relationships to gain any sort of perspective of the other side. Letting her go truly will always be the hardest step to my full recovery.