(no subject)

Feb 20, 2009 22:44

It has occurred to me as I sit at home alone on yet another Friday night that none of my friends really seem all that happy with their lives including myself. I am not really sure what to make of all this. I mean we all have our moments of joy and happiness, but they are often fleeting at least thats what I can gather from talking to a few people and thinking of myself. Is this going to be the case for the rest of our lives. Is this going to be the case for the rest of my life am I just doomed to only have moments of happiness, or can I break out of this. I'd like to think eventually I will meet a women that will compliment me, and we can make each other happy as much as possible, but that seems a bit foolish. Even if I do finally get a quality partner what about the other elements of life that we have to deal with like work, and all the other bullshit. I really wonder if anyone is really all that happy on a consistent basis is life just about ebbs and flows, or is there way to be happy all the time? Do I need to change the people I surround myself with the people I feel like understand me, and try and hang out with people who at least seem much happier. Although I can't imagine that will help me since I will probably just dislike those people since I feel like they aren't being genuine with themselves, which will probably just make me even more depressed. Fuck I need to figure something out. I want to be done with this place. I love this place in small doses, but I don't really want to be living here anymore. I guess I need to just suck it up for the next like 10 months some of which will probably be spent back in LA, and try and create more positive opportunities for myself to try and help me cope with this shit.

These can't really be the best years of our lives can they? I mean if shit isn't going to get much better than this than what the fuck is there to strive for. I always look at my future pretty optimistically, but it's also probably fairly unrealistic. Maybe thats my problem I am almost always trying to figure out what's next instead of just living in the moment. I always want to be living in the future because I always just envision shit just getting better, and I really hope it does for me and everyone I care about, but fuck what if it doesn't? I don't know what to make of all of this unhappiness in my life.

Well I got to take this stupid Graduate Writing Proficiency Exam tomorrow morning to ensure I can graduate, and I should really start writing some papers that are due next week. I want to go to sleep, but instead I will just go play video games since I am not at all tired. Peaceton
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