I think a change would do you good
If you really could smell change, what would it smell like? copper, zinc, and sweaty hands.
I have a friend with no middle name who doesn’t really like this live journal thing. By the looks of it, I apparently don’t either since I haven’t updated since May. Perhaps it’s because I don’t feel like I have much to contribute. What could I possibly write that would contribute to your day? I’m just not sure I know how to make this five minutes worth your time.
I’m on my way home from an American Medical Student Assocation conference in D.C., and about thirty different things are on my mind. Here are a few:
It’s refreshing to be surrounded by people who are passionate about the things I am. I know that can’t always be the case, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for that to be more common than not. Unfortunately, it’s often difficult to find these people.
Two people on different occasions today asked me if I’m generally a happy person. My authentic response to this for the past two years has been “I think so, but I’m really not sure what it means to be happy in a general sense.” One of these friends followed up with a more practical question. “Name three times over the past three years when you felt genuinely happy.” It doesn’t sound like a hard question, but I really struggled with it for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden I started scrolling through various emotional highs over the past few years: gatherings at the Falkenslagens, Adam and our vacations in Italy and Seattle, Jenny making me laugh so hard I cried over things that probably weren’t that funny, reviving my friendship with Mandy, family dinners with Jennifer Adam and Brooxie, the realization that I am capable of becoming a physician, Andy visiting me in Mobile . . .
It should come as no surprise that almost all of the things that make me happy are based on relationships with people whom I love dearly. I know this isn’t news and that I’ve written about it plenty before, but somehow it always strikes me as revealing. It’s as if I were to look at myself in the proverbial mirror to say “You fool, if you’re not sure that you’re happy, go spend time with the people who make you happy.”
But then there’s Mobile - the isolated black hole of a city where I am separated from the people most important to me and consumed by the stress-ridden, anxiety-inducing curriculum of medical school. I’m going to be there for three more years, and it’s time that I really start to make it feel like home. It’s time that I start to build meaningful friendships that aren’t simply based in our ability to study Physiology together or our shared frustration with living in Mobile. Last year I arrived there with a sense of resentment only to have my self confidence slaughtered by my first Gross Anatomy test. This year will be different. . . I think I’m actually looking forward to it.
I look forward to the day I get to purchase airline tickets based on schedule rather than price. Instead of taking a direct one-hour flight from Dulles, VA to Nashville, I’m on a two-hour layover in Chicago that’s just been extended to a four-hour layover. Looks like I’m getting home at 12:30 a.m. Thank you, United Airlines.
I finally finished the Jesus book that Jenny and I were supposed to read over Lent (Meeting Jesus again for the first time , Marcus Borg). It’s a great book and it really helped me to form a better sense of my own Christology. I’ve moved on to David Sedaris’s Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I have no idea what the point is yet, but I really love the way he writes. It’s very clever.
So I get the sense that it’s time for some changes in my life. It might not be anything major - perhaps more of a change in attitude than anything else - perhaps something bigger. The rut must end.
I think I’m excited.
Much love to you all,
Blake
I have a friend with no middle name who doesn’t really like this live journal thing. By the looks of it, I apparently don’t either since I haven’t updated since May. Perhaps it’s because I don’t feel like I have much to contribute. What could I possibly write that would contribute to your day? I’m just not sure I know how to make this five minutes worth your time.
I’m on my way home from an American Medical Student Assocation conference in D.C., and about thirty different things are on my mind. Here are a few:
It’s refreshing to be surrounded by people who are passionate about the things I am. I know that can’t always be the case, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for that to be more common than not. Unfortunately, it’s often difficult to find these people.
Two people on different occasions today asked me if I’m generally a happy person. My authentic response to this for the past two years has been “I think so, but I’m really not sure what it means to be happy in a general sense.” One of these friends followed up with a more practical question. “Name three times over the past three years when you felt genuinely happy.” It doesn’t sound like a hard question, but I really struggled with it for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden I started scrolling through various emotional highs over the past few years: gatherings at the Falkenslagens, Adam and our vacations in Italy and Seattle, Jenny making me laugh so hard I cried over things that probably weren’t that funny, reviving my friendship with Mandy, family dinners with Jennifer Adam and Brooxie, the realization that I am capable of becoming a physician, Andy visiting me in Mobile . . .
It should come as no surprise that almost all of the things that make me happy are based on relationships with people whom I love dearly. I know this isn’t news and that I’ve written about it plenty before, but somehow it always strikes me as revealing. It’s as if I were to look at myself in the proverbial mirror to say “You fool, if you’re not sure that you’re happy, go spend time with the people who make you happy.”
But then there’s Mobile - the isolated black hole of a city where I am separated from the people most important to me and consumed by the stress-ridden, anxiety-inducing curriculum of medical school. I’m going to be there for three more years, and it’s time that I really start to make it feel like home. It’s time that I start to build meaningful friendships that aren’t simply based in our ability to study Physiology together or our shared frustration with living in Mobile. Last year I arrived there with a sense of resentment only to have my self confidence slaughtered by my first Gross Anatomy test. This year will be different. . . I think I’m actually looking forward to it.
I look forward to the day I get to purchase airline tickets based on schedule rather than price. Instead of taking a direct one-hour flight from Dulles, VA to Nashville, I’m on a two-hour layover in Chicago that’s just been extended to a four-hour layover. Looks like I’m getting home at 12:30 a.m. Thank you, United Airlines.
I finally finished the Jesus book that Jenny and I were supposed to read over Lent (Meeting Jesus again for the first time , Marcus Borg). It’s a great book and it really helped me to form a better sense of my own Christology. I’ve moved on to David Sedaris’s Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I have no idea what the point is yet, but I really love the way he writes. It’s very clever.
So I get the sense that it’s time for some changes in my life. It might not be anything major - perhaps more of a change in attitude than anything else - perhaps something bigger. The rut must end.
I think I’m excited.
Much love to you all,
Blake