Ode to October
Four years ago, around this date, Josh, my sister and I went to the pumpkin patch.... Josh and I had been in a fight, and at first, we weren't having the best time... but my sister got us to stop arguing and have fun... we took photos, and went on the "Haunted Hay Ride". The best part was when we went and got apple cider and caramel apples.... we were having such a good time, and it was beautiful outside.... I bought a caramel apple today to attempt to relive that moment. I ended up sobbing on my bathroom floor. I haven't felt this bad since the day Josh left. And nothing has been able to console me. Not Simon's paws wrapped around me, like he always does when he senses I am upset... that is pretty much the only thing that has been done to console me. The people at work don't understand... I don't know if my family does.... my sister would more than anyone.
I talk to everyone on the phone and act strong, like this is easy for me. But I am tired of being strong. I have done it too many fucking times. I just need to break down and have somone comfort me for once. I dunno. Maybe that is too much to ask. All I want to do right now is lie on the floor and just wait. Wait for November to get here so I can be home. But then I will have to leave again. To this cold, empty house. I don't know if I can do it.
I talk to everyone on the phone and act strong, like this is easy for me. But I am tired of being strong. I have done it too many fucking times. I just need to break down and have somone comfort me for once. I dunno. Maybe that is too much to ask. All I want to do right now is lie on the floor and just wait. Wait for November to get here so I can be home. But then I will have to leave again. To this cold, empty house. I don't know if I can do it.